Not OK — and that's OK

Not sure where to put this except right in the middle of this thread. Thank you to all of you who responded to my post. You r truly are a wonderful group of people. Even though we don’t get to see on another in the flesh it is so comforting to hear all your thoughts and support. There is nothing like having the ear of someone who surely “knows” what it is like to live with uncertainty and is willing to share and listen. Thank you all so much.

Thank you so much for your post, I will be attending my good friends , wife memorial service on Thursday. She was diagnosed with cancer about 6-8 months after me. At that time, she was put on palliative care right away and didn’t tell anyone . We continued to go out together and never let on that she was that sick.. So much of what you said, and others on this thread I can relate to. I find the things that get to me the most are when we make plans to do something way in advance ( like a year away) my thoughts are always, will I be here? Best wishes and hope for all to have more ok days than not ok days..

Thank you for your post. I experienced very much the same thing during the first year after my stage-4 cancer diagnosis: every time I heard or thought about something in the near future, like the completion of a transit line, an upcoming election, or a young relative's university graduation, I'd think about how I might not be around for that, and it would take me to a bad place.

Now, after 3 years, with my treatments still working to hold my cancer in remission, I dare to hope again for a long future, and at the same time, am more at peace with the chance that I won't have one.

I still have emotional "Not OK" days sometimes, but they're the exception rather than the norm now, and I'm grateful for that.

The long, lonely night in a hospital bed after my diagnosis, I prayed.

I didn't ask to be cured. I figured if that were an option any decent, loving diety would do it anyway, without forcing sick people to grovel and beg first.

Instead, I prayed with an invitation: "whatever happens, please stay with me; don't leave me alone."

Who or whatever "god" is, even if they exist only inside my head, I've rarely felt alone in my cancer journey after that prayer. ♥️

@northoftheborder
In addition to your access to psychotherapist do you have access to a specialist who deals with medications for depression, anxiety. Talk to your providers. Most of the time medications are done by a psychiatrist but at Mayo Jacksonville I have a PA who is a specialist in mental health medications.

I take a medication called Escitalopram for anxiety/depression. It has really helped me over the years. I am NOT saying that medication is good, or right, for you but to discuss medications that your providers think can help you deal with depression and/or anxiety. Our mental health is just as important as physical health and both drastically affect each other.

I see other posters like me feel bad you are going through a bad time. We liked corresponding with you and you always had good information and posts. I was not aware you were still on hormone treatments which will REALLY affect your moods. Then dealing with life events can become overwhelming. I lost my sister, both brother-in-laws, and a nephew all within a year of each other. So I hear you!

So northoftheborder, talk to your providers and see if they have or have access to a specialist who specializes in medications for mental health.

I know in the past I tried to address everything within myself as I am an introvert. When I found MCC I was able to speak out freely with others.

Good luck and stay in there. We look forward to future posts from you.

Thank you for your reply. I am very happy to hear that the medication has helped your depression and anxiety.

I have tried SSRIs in the past, before I had cancer, and they weren't effective for me. I'm also very concerned about adding more meds to the ones I'm already taking to control the cancer (Apalutamide, especially, has many interactions).

For me personally cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) was far more effective than medication for controlling depression and anxiety, and it continues to work well since my diagnosis. Studies have shown that CBT can equal or outperform meds for many (not all) people dealing with non-complex anxiety or depression (i.e. *not* bipolar disorder or schizophrenia), but everyone's case will be different, and each of us has to discover what works through trial and error.

Most of the time my life is joyful, even with stage 4 cancer, but I do accept that sometimes it's ok not be ok for a few days. It's when not being ok becomes chronic that it's time to seek new help.

I'm feeling pretty good again this lovely Sunday afternoon. Thank you for all the kind replies and reactions.

Sorry to hear about your neighbor. FWIW, you seem EXTREMELY well adjusted to me, based just on your logical, calm and reassuring posts. But I guess everyone feels "not OK" sometimes. Thanks to people like you in this group, and those in my IRL support group, I'm feeling a lot less "not OK" these days than I used to. I hope you stay in remission for at least 20 more years for your sake but also for selfish reasons. I want to still read your sage advice when I've gone from "young old" to "old old."

Thank you for the kind words. ❤️

I agree that everyone can (and should) feel "not OK" sometimes. A little grieving and worry are a normal part of life, as long as they stay in their place and don't push everything else out.

When my spouse is down on herself, I tell her that I'm actually glad she's not perfect, because a perfect person would be too intimidating (or boring) to live with. Give me flawed-but-genuine humans every time.

Oh that is 100% spot on!
I am to have my second surgery for neuroendocrine cancer next week, another lobe will be removed from my right lung. It can be a lonely time for someone with rare cancer, people don't know of it so can't understand and of course the stigma of lung cancer is another concern for us.
But we on this connection know and understand each other's emotions and it certainly helps. Enjoy each day and each other. Good wishes to all of you. From glor