Help - I am burned out and dealing with someone who is stubborn

Doc says it is not allergies nor asthma but emphysema and COPD. Thus, a lot of stuff out there is not for him.
I am the one with the allergies, even to mold. I can tell you that when I walk out the door after a rain and smell the earthy clean it doesn't bother me. It smells good.

One thing I have noticed is that if I use, say vinegar and water to clean the kitchen he doesn't say or smell anything UNTIL he happens to see the vinegar bottle. Then, oh his lungs, hack, hack. I think a lot of it is in his mind = he is looking for a problem.

Maybe he is scared or even depressed that he has serious illness that is why he is constantly checking the color etc. there could be allergy part of it - mold after rain can trigger issues. However most men are like big boys they try to be strong but they aren’t used to having body issues - they’d never cope with monthly bleeding that we women deal with. So try not to react with irritation - also sometimes a playful attitude goes a long way- I sometimes comment “gee the maid service in this hotel is truly subpar”

It sounds like your husband is using medical help as a social interaction and a way for attention. If he had to pay out of pocket for these visits, he would have way fewer problems. Can you tell him that Medicare has noticed, and he has exceeded his limit? All visits would now be paid by him. How about using an over-the-counter Neti Pot to clear out his sinuses. Snot is real. Besides bemoaning his fate, what is he doing to make himself feel better? I'm sorry for your position; I think your husband's problems are way deeper than just the nose.

Oh, one thing I left out is his compulsion about always checking his blood pressure (he has high blood pressure). The good thing is that I don't have to put up with that as he does it in his office room. I can say he checks it an average off 5-6 times a day.

He was looking at those cardio thingies that you can check your heart rate on, thought he should get one. I put my foot down and said NO, absolutely not. He doesn't need it. He has a pacemaker and the thing that lets the cardiologist know if something happens that needs attention.

I won, I got him to back off of that.

You know, he might be scared of getting older and the realization that there is only one way we get off this planet.

One thing that doesn't help him is his daughter badgering him about his will, what he needs to do with it. That is one of the main reasons she is not allowed around right now. She started that stuff with me. It became very plain that she wasn't interested in helping out her Dad, but what was in it for her.

As to how he is doing - well as I post this he is and has been honking and hacking (deliberately) up phlegm as he always does. I know he is thinking about another doc visit because of the way he is acting. He also knows I am at my wits end so he is staying out of my way and going to watch football today. Good.

This may sound harsh--but I've been where you are, fighting the everyday issues--and I finally am learning to take it down a thousand with help from a therapist. Your husband is obviously riling you up to make you as miserable as he is; can you ignore some of the complaints? Can you say, "I need to do some shopping or whatever...and leave for a bit? Can you say, "I am getting anxious with all this--for my own sake, I need to ...leave, watch TV, put my earphones (I don't have any either but it's an idea) on, take a nap, call a friend"...anything to change the direction of the situation. Without you, he is toast and he probably realizes that at some level and ... is angry about it, wants to keep you under his control, etc.
Anxiety is contagious; you cannot change him, but you can try to manage your frustrations and yes, sadness at the way things are. Don't try to solve the complaints; it's hopeless. Do something nice for yourself instead...you deserve it. And you will be helping him deal with real issues, not blowing his nose and coughing, when that doesn't work any more..
Sorry about the daughter...that is so sad. Maybe someone else has some positive suggestions; I would be livid if I had that situation, which would be very unhelpful.

Thanks Carrie - the SD is hopeless, but it feels like having a buzzard circling overhead just waiting.

This morning we had a blow out and he is sulking in the other room. At breakfast this morning he started on his usual tangent about his lungs, how congested he is AND how my turning on the small fan last night is the cause! Now, we are running a high grade air purifier in most rooms in the house and can have 2 operating in the bedroom when he claims he has problems. It was hot in the bedroom last night but he doesn't like the window open because of his lungs - claims the dust outside bothers them, and on and on. Hard to sit and enjoy breakfast with someone who insists on honking up phlegm an checking the color.

I am really dealing with my own aches and pains this morning and I just had enough so I let it go and didn't respond. All of a sudden it is I just don't care, his lungs, his lungs. I guess I have just had it. Enough is enough.

Told him to make another Doc. apt. for today (told you we would be back to the doc in 2 weeks or less), but I didn't know what the Doc could do as this goes on and on and on. But to DO SOMETHING!

I need help cleaning house as I have bad legs and standing, walking is dificult as I use a rollator. I can lose my balance easily so I am careful. He won't hear of it because he is concerned about how the cleaner would clean. He claims dust bothers him but my dusting (with microfiber cloth) sets him off (only because he sees it IMHO) and vacuuming - even good grade vacuum with hepa filters don't seem to get the dust up without bothering him.

Actually, in my mind he is CRAZY. Period.

I am getting out to go have some great McDonalds french fries (drive thru) and go sit in the car in the park and look at the trees, sky, and relax, read my book. The heck with him today. In fact I am going to have the whole meal and let him fend for himself for dinner.

The phlegm issue is a sinus problem. Tell him to see an ENT. The other issues are related to fear of dying and the obsession with how to prevent it...Does he have a religious leader he could talk to? These obsessions are irrational so you cannot respond to them with logic or other fixes. Just ignore as much as you can and find a support group or activities that get you out of the house. Praying for you.