Feeling hopeless: How do you make boundaries and keep them?

Posted by mdk1960 @mdk1960, Oct 15 4:09am

There seems to be a ripple effect in my life one thing after the other. It is connected to me trying to keep up with current events. That is what is important to my husband. I am exhausted again hopeless feeling fear 24/7. I have tried to communicate this to my husband for over 4 years. He is of the opinion it the world will fall apart on election day. Today no more discussion of this. I told him if he brings it up to someone else I don't want to be there

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Good for you! Speak your truth and be clear and firm with your boundaries. Be clear about what things are negotiable and what things ARE NOT.

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@mdk1960
I have times when I need to unplug from what is happening in world. I no longer watch TV news, I scan few newspapers / websites online to see article titles. I am mostly only interested in local news. In five minutes I know anything I need to know about what is happening. It is harder when in a relationship. I have friend whose husband sounds similar to yours. She has set boundaries, if he want to listen to news or radio talk shows he needs to do in another room. She refuses to engage in conversations about his conspiracies theory. Be firm and consistent in your boundaries,

There are many topics I will not discuss with friends and family. If in person or group, I suggest we change the topic, if on phone, I find reason to end phone call.

You can't control what others think, feel or do. But you can control how you react and the actions you take.

If he continues to bring up discussions you do not want to participate in, do you have a plan on how to say NO?

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I love to read and am very curious, so I have a habit of reading news sources from around the world.

The problem is, these sites have a job: Keep you looking. They engage in hyperbole, hysteria, paranoia -- anything they can think of.

A few months ago, I realized I was being played for a sucker by media companies and I'd be better off reading old Archie comic books (among other things). So I quit watching TV news and reading all the scare-mongering nonsense. I scan headlines once a day, but that's it.

I have rediscovered Russian literature, history...and yes, even the occasional Archie comic. (Betty or Veronica? Betty, all day long!)

Anyway, my blood pressure is better, my blood sugar is lower, and my sleep is better.

Life is depressing enough without asking for more negativity.

Here's what I suggest:
Ask your husband to avoid all news for 72 hours. The world will keep turning. Once he finds something constructive to do, maybe it will rekindle hope. Isn't it better to light a single candle than curse the darkness?

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@mdk1960, I expanded the title of your discussion to reflect your question. As @roch underlines, it can be hard to determine your boundaries. Having a plan when you find yourself in a situation or conversation you don't wish to engage in can help.

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@mdk1960, it sounds like current affairs is important to your husband, but they fill you with dread or fear and feeling hopeless. Are you able to connect with him on different topics? I also like @roch's question: Do you have a plan to divert the conversation, leave the room or say no to discussions you're not comfortable with?

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mdk1960,
WOW‼️everyone has given such great insight and advice. So, you don't need any more from me. I will share that I have to take breaks from any online forums from time to time. We're all here searching for helpful information and I can get overwhelmed by getting as well as giving feedback. On a lighter side: 17 years ago I was blessed to get to be with my daughter and my son-in-law, for a month, when our first grandson was born. My son-in-law is very smart and he knows it. In an evening of conversation religion and sex, he brought up the topics. Oh, yeah, he was in the middle of getting his 2nd Bachelors degree in Theology. The conversation slapped me right in my gut, when he told me "you do know that you are going to hell, right?" I am not kidding. He had been in our lives for 11 years by then. That night
the boundaries got firmly and permanently made... I, as mom and nana, do not need to know about your sex life, you are married, so I am happy you have a sex life. As for church, yes there are many beliefs about religion, this is fine, but we will not discuss religion when we have family time. Boundaries, who knew they could be so hazardous ⚠️ ShelleyW

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Thank you for all the good insights. I am better my husband is better. I have been working on expressing my feelings i.e overwhelmed etc.I am limiting my intake of the news. I apologize if I entered the poltical arena. That was not my intention . It was to voice my anxiety. I have ptsd.

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@mdk1960

Thank you for all the good insights. I am better my husband is better. I have been working on expressing my feelings i.e overwhelmed etc.I am limiting my intake of the news. I apologize if I entered the poltical arena. That was not my intention . It was to voice my anxiety. I have ptsd.

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Hi, @mdk1960 - wondering how things are going with limiting your intake of news? Have you noticed a difference?

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Late reply. Had to change my email. Bank account was hacked. Yes I stopped almost entirely following the news. Much improved. There is something called the 7 loops of ptsd. I have ptsd.Being on our devices a lot can be a process addiction.

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@shelleyw

mdk1960,
WOW‼️everyone has given such great insight and advice. So, you don't need any more from me. I will share that I have to take breaks from any online forums from time to time. We're all here searching for helpful information and I can get overwhelmed by getting as well as giving feedback. On a lighter side: 17 years ago I was blessed to get to be with my daughter and my son-in-law, for a month, when our first grandson was born. My son-in-law is very smart and he knows it. In an evening of conversation religion and sex, he brought up the topics. Oh, yeah, he was in the middle of getting his 2nd Bachelors degree in Theology. The conversation slapped me right in my gut, when he told me "you do know that you are going to hell, right?" I am not kidding. He had been in our lives for 11 years by then. That night
the boundaries got firmly and permanently made... I, as mom and nana, do not need to know about your sex life, you are married, so I am happy you have a sex life. As for church, yes there are many beliefs about religion, this is fine, but we will not discuss religion when we have family time. Boundaries, who knew they could be so hazardous ⚠️ ShelleyW

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You are NOT going to hell!!
If there is anything like that it occurs in this life.

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Any way to take my mind off the election? I find the outcomes could easily turn to violence which worries me to no ends.

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