I don't feel we can travel anymore: I want our lives back

I get it. We love travel too. At this point we are still traveling, a few days in Chicago and then a long cruise. We both have anxiety about travel but will keep doing it as long as we can. My husband has MCI not Alzheimer’s. It’s probably vascular and many days are wonky. He has been approved for 24/7 care which means if I’m not here he will need someone to guide him.
You don’t say what stage your husband is in or what limitations.
For us, I make all the plans, take care of all the paperwork and packing. Everything. But he can still walk fine - a little slower and is able to enjoy a trip.
Travel takes a lot of preparation and planning and with dementia
Even more.
Google travel with dementia and you will find all kinds of articles and stories of how others do it and when to go and when it’s time to stop.
I see I the future that we may need to take someone else along or I may be traveling alone but don’t want to stop.
All I can say is we don’t have our lives back like they were. We have them as they are and I’ve grieved a lot about losing those times but trying to make the best of the present.
I hope you can find a way to get away. Sending my best.

Dear young ladies, @bmatwood72 & @maryvor - the word “young” means alive and still great!

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xxxxxxxxxx I’m a MCI PERSON, BUT HOW ABOUT? xxxxxxxxxx
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I’m a MCI (mild cognitive impairment) member from a TBI accident 12 years ago. According, to my wife, Karen, says some of my doctors could happen for me when you are 65 years old on of Altheimers (sp?) and my mom has or hade her and her 3 sisters had that).

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xxxxxxxxxx WHAT HAPPENED? xxxxxxxx
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I’ve LOST 80% of my memories, understandings, words known as & reading as & dealing & hearing & writing the right way , and in for my past. Before my TBI accident, I was a professional job working at my city of a local government uses, teaching a part-time a 2 year college for computer programming, and others.

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xxxxxxTHANKFULLY, MY WIFE HELPS ME xxxxxxx
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It was easy taking care for me kids & my wife: payments, fixing (or just pay for it), our house, buying a new car, and in. Now, my wife does everything cause my mental-ability got rid of these things on my brain. Thankfully, Karen takes care for me like going to a doctor, getting my meds, name of right words when buying (yes, I’m back for using online companies, but dint tell my wife 🙂 )

Thx,
Greg D. @greg1956

There is some grieving -- or a lot of grieving -- to do as our loved ones age and, possibly, have increasingly conditions that make it difficult or impossible to do some of the activities we enjoyed doing together. My parents loved traveling once a year, but with the progressive deterioration of my father's health it became more and more complicated. After a bout of anger at the situation, my mother decided to make the best of it. She would travel alone to my brother's house or with one of her sisters and/or my brother to some other place. Now even that has become more complicated, because my dad can no longer take care of himself 100%. So now, their next trip, in a wee, will be to a center in the woods, not far from where they live, where they can rest, enjoy a beautiful landscape, have the help he needs, and my mother can take walks by herself or with other guests. She has been going through a grieving process (she's very sad that it is almost impossible for her now to come to my home), and she tries to make the best of the situation.

My problem with travel is that any changes from home such as a hotel room or unfamiliar bathroom seems to trigger anxiety. I am afraid our travel days may be over.

I think I read in new Medicare & You booklet, that medicare covers respite care, so caregiver can get some rest and recovery from caregiving. Check it out. But could be more trouble than it's worth, but can't hurt to do some research.

I think the same even visiting friends that he might wake up not know where he is, then there is the planning so much work. I have not told anyone what stage he is in I just say he has some memory issues and play it off with his age he is 85 he has always been forgetful.

Hi @verol65

- YOUR DAD’S PROBLEMS; I’M THERE TOO -
I’m sorry for your dad by “no longer take care of himself 100%.” Well, I’m there too. Your dad has “health… complicated”. Well, I’m there too, but add mental injury cause I’m a TBI member for last 12 years ago.

- CAN I TRAVEL BY MYSELF? -
I can’t travel by myself; I can’t drive anymore; I need meds for my brain-problems; how about doctors - I need them, but not myself; how about foods of eating - not by myself. Sure I can do: clean our clothes or take our doggies on our outside wooden walls or fixing our outside bushes & small trees (8-12 ft) or lights inside our rooms.

- PROBLEMS STARTED 12 YEARS AGO -
I had/has a bicycle accident one block from our house in 2012. I was 55-56 yo. I lost 80% of my memory, understanding, pro writing, teaching, helping, take care at my city. I had to retired even I wanted but not.

Thankfully, I’m married with my beautiful wife, Karen for the last 42 years. She works at the public schools in our city. She takes care of me if everything I can’t. My age is now 68 yo. But I seek better ways than 12 years ago. For now my kids 30+ year young are married but to different states. I have brothers & Karen has her family, too.

Well, take care for you & your family,
Greg D. @greg1956

Thank you @greg1956! You sound like you're a fighter in spite of your TBI, or because of your TBI. A big hug to you and your beautiful wife Karen.

Take care!

@bmatwood72, you've received some helpful tips from fellow members who get it. I'm not sure if these related blog posts by Mayo experts in mild cognitive impairment might have additional ideas to try.

- Tis the Season for Traveling! https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/tis-the-season-for-traveling/
- Travelling with MCI Part 2: Making the Trip https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/travelling-with-mci-part-2-making-the-trip/

It is hard to give up travelling, especially if it is something you and your husband enjoyed doing. It's equally hard to stay put when the travel bug is calling you. I wonder, like @1995victoria suggested, might it be possible for you to arrange a short trip yourself to fill your tank and have a family member or respite care be with your husband?

The last vacation travel was 3 years ago. It was truly horrible, the entire trip words spoken were I'm so tired I want to go home. It never stopped! I told myself never again.