How to handle problem with bowel movements

I would discuss it with his doctor to rule out any medical cause, but trouble controlling badder and bowel is listed as a symptom in the middle stage of Alzheimer’s, if that’s what he has. Often with other conditions like Vascular dementia, bladder and bowel control issues also occur even earlier.
https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/stages
I suppose going to the toilet on a schedule might be helpful, especially, if meals are also on a schedule. Maybe, it was a fluke and due to an upset stomach, but with dementia it is part of the illness.

I hope you get input from others who are experiencing this with a spouse. My cousin became incontinent rather quickly. My father still goes on his own, but struggles with knowing if he’s truly going. He has delusions about it. We know he’ll need Depends in the not too far future. Moving forward, we know it will be the new normal and not something we can avert. With my cousin, I would just tell her not to worry, that no one has a perfect bladder. She felt embarrassed, so I downplayed it. Complaining or correcting mishaps really doesn’t help at all, though it can be quite disconcerting for the caregiver. I can see it being a major factor in the type of care my Dad will need. He’ll likely need 24/7 professional care that we can’t provide in the home.

I understand about scared and speaking firmly. I hope you can find a way to be gentle with yourself as well as him. It's hard to remember to take a minute to breathe, even if it's just one full breath, before responding.
Augh!

Hi @maryvc, my husband has a similar issue with urinating. He goes, flushes the toilet, then goes again a minute or two later because he doesn't empty his bladder fully. He doesn't have accidents yet. I've asked him to wait and give himself time to go, but that hasn't worked, because he doesn't really understand it. He's also taking medication for his prostate.
If your husband could sit on the toilet a while, like you suggested, that might help. You had the idea of a timer, or maybe playing an old song that lasts a couple of minutes would help him stay put and relax.
I had an autoimmune disease and couldn't wipe myself properly so ordered a cleansing toilet seat, like a bidet, with no bells and whistles (available at a home supply store). Not only does it improve hygiene (my husband was not a thorough self-wiper), but that little stream of water, aimed precisely, can stimulate one's muscles to finish the job. (Can you believe we're talking about this???). Something like that may help with complete evacuation. There are also portable bidet water bottles available if you don't want the hassle of a plumbing installation project.
Protective underwear is available, (TENA is one brand), that is grey colored and looks like regular briefs, which can help when accidents happen.
I hope some of the suggestions you receive work and give you and your husband peace of mind. Take care.

You are all so helpful. I calmed down and today we just reset (love that word) and he is going to sit and work a puzzle. We do have a great bidet seat. I also have wipes by the toilet.
I had a great therapy session today and my therapist helps me to realize this may be our new normal- one of many adjustments.
And Teri no I don’t believe I’m writing about this but it is what it is.
This site saved my sanity.
Thank you all.

Hi, Everyone. This is the post where we laugh at the ridiculousness of our situations. We are all past the point of what is acceptable as polite conversation and more into the arena of black humor. Since we have become a two-bag family with the recent addition of a catheter to a colostomy, which he previously handled himself, I have become the monitor of both. If you get past the hideousness, this cloud has silver linings. I no longer have to clean up the entire bathroom after the dozen or so trips to the bathroom he previously deemed necessary. I no longer have to argue that it is necessary to change his disposable pants several times a day due to incontinence because that younger bladder is not going to make a resurgence. I no longer have to be wary of a bathroom run in the middle of the night. A lake of urine does not have to be mopped up before I can get to the toilet. I do not know why my brain finds this amusing. Maybe after years of dealing with the realities of dementia, it has rewired itself. But I am grateful that I can usually take it in stride and occasionally laugh about it. Even as this reality is no laughing matter, the release valve of laughter has saved me time and time again. It is the oxymoron of caring for a LO with dementia. I am fully aware that, eventually, his needs and my abilities will find themselves headed in the opposite direction. But until then, being in these safe, sane forums allows me to vent whether I am on the verge of tears or ready to laugh. GloRo

@maryvc, I wonder if you also saw this related post that @keithchappell started around the same time as you asked your question:

- How do I help when someone has forgotten how to use the bathroom?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/bathroom-help/

Thank you. We are not there yet. Telling him to sit instead of jump up seems to be working for now.