I feel like start running and not look back!

Every post hit the mark with me. I am living with a stranger now. He has no affect, nothing makes him happy. He is on his phone all day or watching TV. There is no conversation except for asking where did we go today or what did we eat. I get no support from my family who live far from me. All the joy is gone from my life.

Thank you everyone for your support. As I sit here eating breakfast I am thinking of my fun filled day that hasn’t even started yet. 😁. I used to get up at 6 and do my treadmill which is in the garage which I don’t mind as I get to open the doors and watch people go by. I was going to the gym and doing Aqua at 6 am but lately I find I am too tired. That’s something I need to change starting tomorrow. Time to pull my big girl panties up it doesn’t help to mope around. This week is appointments and we are having the solar and windows cleaned. I have also decided to buy new bedroom furniture although my sister said need or want, definitely want. 😂 she doesn’t understand it is one of the things that make me happy she can’t understand why I would do that at my age? So I asked her what shall I do save it for someone else? Off I go again…😍
Again thanks everyone and have a great day I plan on trying at least.

I sympathize so much. Try and find one thing a day that makes you happy. I go and sit out outside on the patio but then we are in California so the weather is good.
We have no family only me, but I refuse to let this kill me for the man I love so much still has good days, we are in the early stages. We haven’t even been diagnosed I don’t see the point what would they do? Put him on pills with terrible side effects. I have read so many books so I feel I know enough. Take a moment each day for yourself. 😍

What do you when you are physically and emotionally exhausted? My husband is so worried about me leaving and not coming back that it's only possible to make a quick trip to the store or pharmacy. I can't do both because that takes too long. I hurry through the store and can find no peace at home because he wants me near him all the time. Hiring help didn't change anything. He's not ready for memory care but this is not sustainable.

What do others do?

@artscaping - Wow! Thank you.

Really, especially appreciate how you wrote this...can sooooo relate, and with all the emotions involved, value your hitting the mark with your words here.

Besides just clicking "Helpful", just wanted to say that for now, and also hope that you'll keep us posted.

Also, with what you shared, makes me continue to think more deeply about working on what I have now, as "aging life" isn't going to get any better, so changing partners doesn't change life circumstances, but that's just where I can see I am right now. We should probably try couples therapy, but I'm working on so many fronts - financial & legal aspects of my mother's care, medical issues arising, keeping up with regular "medical maintenance", needing to clear our my homespace - AND reduce my constant accumulations that at the time bring some relief, but take up space!!! - and trying to use my time meaningfully with a lovely PT position welcoming and guiding visitors to our local Fort, and volunteering with Meals on Wheels every 2 weeks, yet needing more activity physically, and trying to keep my curious, well-educated mind engaged and interested in new things, always learning.

Such is Life, right?

I do hope you'll share how it goes - and you are so right: 'You and your partner deserve to find ...joy...and happiness' [my paraphrasing]. Kudos for the sincere effort/s to move forward toward joy!

I’m going through the same. I can’t go outside to take a walk or even to the bathroom when he starts looking for me. He does sleep a lot but I find myself sitting around the house all day waiting for him to tell me he is hungry. Whatever I give him, he’ll take two bites then tell me he is full and goes back to bed. My friend told me to remember the man I married and how it was this helps me to accept what is happening. But I still get mad at what than find myself apologizing.

30 years ago when my youngest child was small and I was recently divorced, my dad was suddenly showing significant signs of dementia. It was devastating to me that my “Rock” was not there for me anymore and my patience with him grew shorter and shorter. When I finally recognized what was happening in my own mind, I admitted to both him and myself that I was angry at everyone and everything because I was losing him and still very much needed him to not leave me. I think the biggest fear now is that I am losing the love of my life daily and I fight the same anger over and over.

Sometimes it’s you who is ready for him to be in memory care. That’s where I feel I’m at. I can’t live like this anymore. he shadows me all the time, constantly tells me he loves me, but doesn’t know I’m his wife. He doesn’t wear his wedding ring anymore. It means nothing to him. I can’t fill his days and can’t bear to go through my own. I think I’m going to take the plunge and place him very soon. I found a good place. Just waiting to see if I can really afford it.
Just started reading a book I’m finding very instructive. Travelers to unimaginable lands by Dasha Kiper.
Stories of Dementia, TheCaregiver and The Human Brain

@wmehan
Thanks for your response. So many of the things I read here sound very familiar . Hubby ofen eats something one day and loves it, next time I serve it, it tastes like s**t and makes him feel sick. I'm no longer preparing meals that involve a lot of preparation because he probably won't eat it anyway. I used to love cooking and trying new recipes but now it is just another chore to get done. I relish the days when he naps, even though it may mean being up all night with him.

I look at photos from better days and remember what a wonderful man he was. That does help at times, but in the moment it's not always helpful. It sometimes makes me sad for what we've lost.

I'm actually sitting around waiting for my husband to arise at 1pm and hopefully hasn't left a puddle. Your friend who told you to remember the man you married means well but is not at all helpful. Now is now. Then is then. You are living with the husband who is in your life right now and, for me, it isn't much fun. I just read through two years of notes I've taken about this slide to ALZ. So much was obvious, but I assumed it was just old age; snarkiness, sarcastic use of "Mommy" referring to me, anger issues, frustrations in his inability to do things anymore like use the microwave. Problems with our new car that were his own error. On and on. I just feel at 80, I would like time to focus on my own life and needs. I feel the compass pointing closer and closer to a memory care center for him; space and time for me; a change of role to a friendly perky visitor instead of a bedraggled exhausted caretaker. My daughter recently visited, and I saw what patience she used with him and what a good response she got from him. I could do that for 5 days too. I just don't have an inner caretaker for the long run to my own detriment and his. Looking at the past doesn't do me any good; I appreciate the good long run we had, but it doesn't change today or tomorrow. I hope it does for you.