To move near family or stay put

Am going through this move/change just now. Our daughter rebuilt part of their garage and a guest suite for us to have a separate place. How Vvery very difficult to strip down drastically. Especially as I am a painter. But with RA and Steroid muscular atrophy and loss of mobility, simplification and safety - and being near/with family- IS the gift they and we gave ourselves. So hard now, but great too- talk about gratitude!! Well said Sue Ellen 66 !!!

My husband and I are in our 80's and have no children. We are debating planning a move to be near siblings and their children, into a CCRC. But all our friends are here, our excellent gym is here, we know how to drive around in this area and we have a beautiful home with a lovely view. We just don't feel we want to give all of that up.

With Facetime and Zoom, we can see family and have phone visits that are more than just the phone. We plan to sit tight until we have some life changing diagnosis. Of course, if (when) one of us moves on, the remaining spouse may be more likely to make a move but maybe to an apartment right in this area which would be an easier adjustment than to move 200 miles away. And maybe the apartment is just the next step before a CCRC.

It is hard to make life plans when we don't know what the future holds.

Donna

I am 79 yrs old and moved in with my daughter and son-in -law in March it was a life changing move because I left a sister and friends there but I can fly back only takes a hour fight , but still I miss them . My daughter told me I had to move so she could take care of me and now I’m so glad I’m here because I’ve had the worst sciatica nerve pain running down my leg it’s just been cribbing so it’s been really nice to have someone else doing the cooking if I were still at my home I would be in a mess and she turned one of her bedroom into a tv room for me so all and all it’s been pretty nice

We are in the same position, but we have children and still plan to stay where we are with our friends and beautiful home and happy. Maybe down the road.

My husband and I were in the same position last year. We’re in our 80s and decided it’s time to be near our children, so we sold our beautiful home, leftall our friends and came back to our familiar area where our family lives. We gave up so much to be here, but knowing this is where we belong in our reclining years. It’s a happy time but sad also, knowing that we’re slowly giving up our independence. We are fortunate to have a large family to be with us when we need help. It was the right thing to do.

You are correct. I was thinking the same thing. You cannot wait until you get sick to make that move. It won't happen! My husband and I moved 4 months ago to be near my son and 4 granddaughters. We are in our 70s and were able to pack up and move several states away. Where we were before was because of our jobs but we're now retired.

I just want to add that if we had children we would likely be planning a move closer to them. But with no children, to make a move to be near siblings of similar age and a nephew and niece-in-law, seems maybe not the best thought. Moving to a CCRC seems so final. We do have a deposit on a CCRC which will place us towards the top of the waiting list but I fear we will be isolated trying to drive around a large unfamiliar city so the move to the CCRC will likely not happen until we feel we are OK being dependent on the transportation provided by the CCRC.

If only we had crystal balls to tell us what the future holds.

I think it would be hard to make a lot of new friends again and I don’t want to have my children. Think they need to be there all the time.
So what is the point? I am planning on staying in my home as long as I can, and getting in Home care.

Happy for you. Hope it continues this way.

In my opinion the best solution as one ages is to move to a good independent facility near children or other family. As you age and require assisted living or memory care you can stay in the same facility and receive the care you need. An important point is try to not depend on your children or other relatives for care because it’s well known that old folks can require so much care from their family members that it ruins their lives trying to meet their
care needs.