To move near family or stay put

Thank you so much for your input. You’re thinking is exactly in line with mine. I love my life here, and would miss it immensely I love my home and my friends and everything I do. I agree they do not have the time or understand what we need.

I want to add to Volunteer Mentor Sue’s post- taking care of an infant, then toddler, involves a lot of bending and lifting in positions difficult to use good body mechanics, while holding safely onto what is essentially a dead weight, then a squirming dead weight, then a variably cooperative weight. Think- bending over the crib to lift in and out, in and out of the swing, in and out of the positioner (if they go with a floor model, now it’s lifting up and down from the floor). They’ll want you to do “tummy time” - now it’s you getting up and down from the floor, while holding a precious dead weight. Later, it’s in and out of the high chair (this is difficult- legs are always moving and you’ve got to thread them in and out). If you’re to take the child on walks in the stroller- there’s more bending and lifting from positions where you are leaning in and over with a dead weight.
If you are the one with more physical issues than your wife (we aging folks all have them), please protect her, don’t let her be saddled with a commitment which will necessarily be hugely hers, no matter how much you both want to and the kids want you to and now you feel guilty, etc, etc.
Please read Volunteer Mentor Sue’s reply again and again. I went for 8 weeks after each of 4 grandkids states away were born when I was mid to late sixties in age. It took a long time and a lot of PT to recover. I can’t imagine being signed up for years.

I’ve been crying all day about having to sell all my belongs and move into a Memory Care facility.

I am so sorry to hear that. I may be having the same problem soon.

Can you tell me more about the circumstances? I am thinking of moving and would have a terrible time getting rid of things I love.

SusanEllen, I know this has been a long journey for you.
Is this change going to happen soon?
Has your doctor told you it's time?
Or are you working on a plan and what to do?

@edsutton
I’ve been looking into the future, however I need to now while I can kinda think fairly straight. I’m seeing my Neurologist in 2 weeks. He is not the most proactive, and communicative doc I’ve had.

Anyway, I’m trying to imagine the process of going from something to nothing, including me. I will be disappearing.

I’m going to be visiting assisted-living/memory care places soon. The costs are astronomical!

Even staying home for care is too expensive…

Thank you for you kindness.

@beckboop13
I have Alzheimer’s dementia.

I will need to go live in an assist living facility and then a memory care area.

I have to get rid of everything because I need the $ to pay for all this. I am looking at moving from a 1450 sq ft house to a 500 sq ft room!

That’s why I’m beside myself.

I hope your situation is better!

Please don't think you must get rid of everything! My Mom made a,similar move and was able to bring her favorite dresser and chest of drawers, bed, recliner, combined desk and China curio cabinet. We also decorated with her favorite mirrors pictures and bric a brac. We downsized her wardrobe and jewelry keeping the favorites. She gave many pieces of jewelry and keepsakes to kids and grandkids.

I am doing tha downsizing at 73. What my kids and kin don't want go to our local Buy Nothing group, where people are very appreciative.

The hardest is photos- we are going through and putting our favorites on a thumb drive and on our wall picture frame where they rotate constantly. The hardest is to figure out is what to do with all the plants and decor in many gardens. These are gradually being given to my girls and other gardener friends.
It gets easier as I go, realizing someone else can continue to enjoy. My sister in law has been unable to let herself do this. When she passes I fear her impatient daughter will dump it all - even though there are some lovely things.

SueEllen-
You have been so very brave about this, straightforward and not in denial.
You might think of this as a gift you are giving to your future self.
Right now you are very clear minded and can make decisions that you may not be able to make later, and you can be the one who makes them for yourself.

Our home environment is an extension of our mind, and with age and memory loss we become much more dependent on our environment to "think" for us, to hold us together.
You need to create an environment, a small, simple home/room which will help you function as your mind becomes less flexible.
You need to make this change while you can, and learn to live there while you can adapt and adjust.
This will involve loss for today, but it will be a gift to yourself later.

(These are just my thoughts. Don't take them if they aren't for you.
I'm still struggling to make my home as simple as possible while I can.)

Not clear if your son is a horse vet in Phoenix, OR or Phoenix, AZ? With you already in OR (I´m in central OR), a move to Phoenix, OR would be very different from a move to Phoenix, AZ.
Saying you look forward to being a Mayo patient leads me to think you are considering a move to AZ because here in OR we´re pretty far from Mayo. Good luck and my best to you and your family.