No more Driving

This disease is a series of nearly daily compromises. It is so hard adjusting to hid new behaviors. I just thank God that so far, he has not caused either of us injuries. He has, however, cost me a great deal of expenses that I cannot afford because we exist solely on SS. The debt keeps rising.

@joanhed I am so sorry to hear of your daily struggles with the car. Have you ever sat down with a bank representative? They might have ways to hide or better control your money. It’s just a thought.

We had a system when we both drove, when I drove my car I always drove when Dan drove his truck he always drove, now we have sold his truck. I just continue to drive and actually he’s quite enjoying it. That was one of the best things I ever did. He used to always say when I get my new truck, but he doesn’t say it anymore. He’s a happy camper that I am driving.

Since I have taken over the driving my husband does say watch out lights green etc, I just say okay. He also won’t wear his hearing aids I said I’m not raising my voice anymore so if he doesn’t hear I am not repeating it, he said you know I am hard of hearing, I nearly fell off my chair 😂 I said you could wear your hearing aids, he said I don’t really need them. Another OK.😁
There are worse things in the day, I just try and keep him happy that way there’s no arguments but of course I slip every now and then.
What he remembers is not what I remember and I am starting to think I may be going off the deep end? But I am not. 😁

We're at the very beginning - like no driving in unfamiliar territory or at night, but "What he remembers is not what I remember and I am starting to think I may be going off the deep end? But I am not. " - Yeah - that was my first hint, and I thought maybe it's his hearing - even though he admits he needs his aids, and puts them on for others, but not me. He said "It's your hearing" - so to humor him, I am seeing the audiologist (again) next week - last time she told him bluntly that it was his ears, not mine.

Today we were at the State Fair with kids and grandkids, and he did fine until he got tired - then he was having trouble navigating, but it could have been pain - his ankle has been hurting and swelling for almost a month. Every day he says he'll have it looked at if it's not better tomorrow - every afternoon/evening it swells, but by morning "it's better today" - if it swells tomorrow afternoon, I'm making the appointment! Especially if I have to finish mowing the lawn - again - because it gives up. (By the way, our RN daughters have also been bugging him to get it looked at to no avail.) Must have been bad tonight though - he let me walk 4 blocks alone to get the car & come back to pick him up!
Last week my cousin was here to visit - she has been spiraling down for over 2 years, and this was her "farewell trip" accompanied by oldest daughter to see all of her cousins, her childhood home, and favorite places. So hard to watch the "family chef" struggle to chop tomatoes, mash avocado and put on her walking shoes.
We need to be our own cheerleaders. When caring for my Mom (post-stroke deficits) I learned to savor the little moments and tried to ignore the bad ones. This, I hope, will serve me well.

All we can do is take one day at a time and remember the person we love so much and the moments that are good.

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2022 he wasn’t able to drive anymore because he couldn’t pass the written test very resentful about not being able to drive..I order the 36 hour day book a few weeks ago I leave it on my nightstand this morning he was a little quiet he finally told me he saw the book and was angry about having alz I didn’t really know what to say but that the book is for the family to learn how to help him..he knows he has it but is angry about the disease

I would be angry also. I think it is the same for anyone with cancer?
I actually bought the book for myself and a friend. So grateful I saw it on Mayo connect. We have never discussed it really. We have never been diagnosed I just notice changes.

I can relate to your situation. My husband was diagnosed via brain scan with MCI three years ago. It showed a mild stroke but the time of when this happened is unknown. He has limited driving privileges to known places. I have noted him mixing up events, when things happened, etc. The progression of his disease has been gradual (he has been taking Donepizel (Aricept) for several years which can slow the diasease progression in some patients. I am finally accepting where we are (it took a long time) and accepting of our situation, as has my husband who has now accepted that he has memory issues… never calls it Alzheimer’s. I too track him so that I can bring him home if he gets lost… that feeling of independence is so important for them to have as long as possible. I am thankful for each day. May God be with you on your journey!

With my MIL, it wasn't too difficult to get her to stop driving. She got too scared twice when she noticed she had gotten lost on her way back home, and she didn't want to drive with someone telling her which way to go, so I would drive her wherever she needed to go. We'd try to combine our rides.

Now, my brother and I have been trying to find solutions so my mother would stop driving. For many years, my dad was the one doing all the driving, so my mom found it hard in two ways to drive all the time when he had to stop driving because of the degenerecence of his macula: cars and driving conditions had changed a lot from when she used to drive; and my dad was an aggressive copilot seat driver. But then, my mom started having accidents, a couple of them quite consequential. Only one insurance company will accept insuring their car now and at a very high cost. Since my dad had a mild stroke, we found out that they have the right to reduced fare for car transportation from their health care services company and from a social service offered by the town where they live. They have to program the rides 48 hours in advance, which my mother refuses to do. My brother says he'd bee willing to put the money to buy them a Tesla, because it would be safer, but my mom refuses.
The difficulty for my brother and I is that both of us live on the other side of the Atlantic from our parents. At every visit either one of us makes, we try to convince them that it would be cheaper for them to sell the car and use the ride services, but my mom doesn't want to lose the autonomy of going whereever she wants on a whim.