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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
My mother-in-law (MIL) had what was finally determined to be frontal temporal dementia. She had the disease from her 60s until she passed away at 86. My wife was especially involved in her mom's caregiving due to some serious denial in other family members and a GP who refused to diagnose, even when significant deficits were obvious (mistaking the UPS deliveryman for her husband and not knowing the difference between roads and sidewalks). The most unfortunate result of this, to me, was the lost time when my MIL and her family could have been having meaningful and important discussions about significant matters of importance to her and them.
In my wife's years of fighting her brain cancer, she, too, exhibited many of the aspects of mental degradation and physical losses one would affiliate with a dementia patient.
As an aside, for several years I worked for the national Alzheimer's Association raising money for their research programs nationwide.
I wish everyone struggling with this disease and their caregivers and families strength and peace.
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Hi IndianaScott:
Thanks for the tip on driving. I will be facing this issue in February and his children do not want him driving; however, they do not live here
and will not see them until April/May when we make a trip to Mayo. Was the test given at Mayo an expensive one? Trying to keep
costs down as we all are with medical, trust you are doing well and will have a good New Year!! OZYS
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1 ReactionHi @ozys Sorry, but I no longer recall the cost of the test. I am really sorry, but it was done as one test among dozens over four days.
Wish I could remember...and wishing you and yours a good New Year as well!
IndianaScott: Thanks so much for your reply, it would probably be worth whatever we have to pay to save some grief for both of us.
ozys.
<br> <br>For months I have been following this chat room.However never had time to respond due to either no time or energy as I adjusted to my husband's diagnosis of Alzheimer's plus spatial dementia. Four years ago he was diagnosed but there was no help from our insurance group. Finally I contacted the VA and received the help we needed.It has been a merry go round as he one day didn't know that I was his wife and began flirting with me and started telling me about his back ground and asking me about mine. Finally decided he loved me but since he was married and hadn't seen his wife in many months, he felt that he was cheating on her. My husband is 80 and we have been married for 56 years.We have a long mirrored wall in our living room and mirrors on the back splash area on the kitchen. It is all one room so the mirrors pick us up on various angles and he thinks there are four or six or even eight of us in the room. Also the sliding closet doors in the two bedrooms are mirrored.Covering the mirrors are not as option so I live with this daily.I have some friends who are my support system. I also have my husband in adult day care two days a week. Our only child lives in California and we live in Honolulu so my support from him is over the phone. He is very helpful and will try to fly to be with us every three months. We just returned from spending Christmas with him and his family and I feel this will be our last flight. My husbsnd just has such a difficult time with the flight even with medication.I want to share how I solved the driving problem with my father who had Alzheimers and refused to stop driving. Watching him drive one day when I was driving a car next to his, I realized his license must be pulled and sent a letter to the department of motor vehicles. By mail they requested he come into the office for testing and he failed. Of couse he wasn't happy and refused to give us his key. I called the local Toyota dealership and it was suggested we have a kill switch installed. It was installed on the lower area of the steering wheel shaft. A special key had to be inserted before the ignition key was inserted Then the engine would start. Without the special key, the engine would not start. So his key didn't work and we told him there must be a problem with the car. He never saw us insert the special key and our fear of him driving was finished.Toyota didn't do this type of work and suggested a place that installed radios.I hope this info will be of help to someone.Bless all of you who share your burdens. Now I know I am not the only one living in this cloud.
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4 ReactionsHello @foxylady42 Nice to e-meet you here! YES indeed you are not alone, although caregiving is a very isolating endeavor! That was one of the most difficult challenges for me. Being a people person cutting off so much human interaction was tough. Still trying to get back into pre-caregiving style, but after 14 years it may be a lost cause 🙂
That is a great suggestion on the driving. Wish I had thought of that! It is quite a problem to overcome and this was a good one.
On the mirror issue, at least on smaller ones, I have seen folks put colored Saran wrap over them to mask the reflections. I did it in our bathroom and it really helped.
I recall when my wife could no long travel, either by air or car. Simply became too stressful and would increase her anxiety far too much.
I wish you strength and courage! Know we fellow caregivers are here!
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1 ReactionBless you foxylady42:
Great suggestion with the license bureau, I was hoping they would call him in to drive and that might still happen, don't know
how Michigan handles these issues just yet. Our journeys are long and lonely at times, but somehow we find the strength
to keep going. I have obtained some help from VA three times a week for two hours and that is a God Send so I can get away
to do shopping and working and etc. You are not alone in your battle and know we are here to listen. Ozys
a2ozys. - What steps did you take to get help from the VA? My husband is 100% disabled and the VA has offered things to me but never help for taking care of him. Although I have help that I pay for myself, I am either going to have to have more help or place him in a facility and that thought kills me. You are right we somehow find the strength to keep going but there are many days I wonder if I can make it.The Redhead
Hi there TNTRedhead:
When we went for the yearly check up with my husband's primary care doc at the VA, I just told them I needed help with care and
they gave him 12 hours a week through the senior center here. However, the senior center does not have the program to bill VA
so only receive six hours for now and when we really need the other six hours, will go back to VA and get help. VA also supplied
the hospital bed which is just a wonderful gift. My husband has a horrible time with balance and getting up and down so the rails
on the bed have been wonderful. There will be a monthly nurse also once I request it. Just think of the help you need and ask,
they can refuse but more is being done everyday for our vets. Good Luck and keep on as best you can. Ozys
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2 ReactionsThanks @ozys. I will definitely be in touch with the VA later this week.The Redhead
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1 ReactionAt one of the appointments we had with the neurology department at the VA hospital, I mentioned that my family was concerned for my health if I continued to care for my husband at home, and they referred me to the local Social Worker at the local VA Clinic. She called very soon and we discussed what would be most helpful for me. We were given respite care which was provided by a local care group at 6 hours a week, and then in November when we reassessed the care, we were assigned 3 hours a week for each home health and homemaker. She said we would probably be assigned respite care after the first of the year again. This help has really made a difference.
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