Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?

You are most welcome in this group @donnajane. It might give you piece of mind to see a doctor about his scalp to ensure there isn't something there that you can't see. But also be prepared that this may be another symptom of the disease.
It is wonderful that the two of you can still be so active both physically and socially.

When others are not able to realize what is happening, I hope this group can be your virtual shoulder to lean on, a place where you can talk frankly and openly. We look forward to getting to know you.

Hey There,

I just joined, I care for my soon to be 94 year old Mother with dementia, I’d say late stage at this point. Since ideas and plans you put into action today may not work tomorrow, I think a site/group like this can be helpful to share ideas and methods of coping with issues. That is why I joined. I know I wish I had been more clever sooner, you can’t think of everything, so ideas will work for one person and not for another. For intendance, over a year ago my Mother got up during the night and opened the front door, the next day I installed a dead bolt with a key on each side. She was having trouble finding her bathroom at night, which was literally 10 steps from her bed, so I installed a string of those tube lights on the bathroom wall leading to the toilet. Now we are using doggie poop bags for Mom’s soiled briefs, it really controls to odder. Wish I had thought of that one months ago! Anyway I’m looking forward to getting more, better ideas for copping here.

Hello @tsoy I am Scott and wish you strength and courage along your caregiving journey. I cared for my mother-in-law, who had dementia, as one of her secondary caregivers and my wife, as her primary caregiver for 14 years as she battled brain cancer, suffering many symptoms of dementia later in her fight.

I love the idea of the lights! I wish I had thought of that one! Genius! Thanks for sharing it.

I, too, struggled with smells and found that scented baby wipes worked best for this than any of the way higher priced 'adult' brands.

Thanks again for sharing!

Peace,

A BIG Welcome! The lights and the doggie poop bags are both great ideas that I had not thought of, so thanks for adding value for the rest of us before you even know us! I'm implementing both today! Hope I can return the ideas to you as we participate in this group.

You are welcome. You can buy extra large bags @ Petsmart. I can get a brief and a bed pad in one bag. I hope together we can come up with many helpful ideas to make like easier.

@kmkm I, too, am caring for my mom in the late middle/early late stages of Alzheimer's. She lives with us; me, my husband, our recently college graduated daughter. It sounds like we have a few things in common! Some days we cry and some days we giggle because if we don't giggle, we will cry. Even though Mom's memory is fading and she doesn't always know me (usually she thinks I am her oldest sister), she still maintains a large part of her personality which encourages my heart. My mom has been bedridden since January because her legs just gave out on her. She began to be unsettled on her feet and couldn't walk straight. It wasn't long after that when her legs just became like cement. We all hate it for her; however, the silver lining in the cloud is that she can't wander away from the house. I'd love to hear more about your journey with your Mom. I will be thinking of you and praying.

I really get what that's like! My husband seems to me to be displaying some very early symptoms of cognitive decline. He's 74 and otherwise very healthy. For awhile I thought I'd just gotten very boring and bad at communication since we could discuss something one day and the next, he didn't even remember we'd discussed it. Then I had one of those stomach-sinking "Aha's" - that's a dementia symptom. So far he can still drive, although on long trips, we take detours when he stops listening to the GPS because it confuses him. So far, no trouble getting around by himself in town, even if it takes a bit longer. He also still takes care of routine maintenance around the house. But odd things like suddenly he is incredibly frustrated by the remote control for the TV -- and it's the same frustration every day -- apparently no learning is being retained. We recently joined some friends for a simple domino game and he just couldn't get it -- the rules were overwhelming and the patterns on the dominoes confusing. He had to stop and count them each time, despite the color-coding. This is a former executive with an MBA. He still maintains he is fine and it's just normal senior moment stuff. He gave in and promised me he would ask his doctor about some testing, but I'm pretty sure that's one of those conversations he won't remember having. And despite the fact that he doesn't want me to, I plan to call his doctor and at least share my observations and concerns. When we are with friends or family, the main thing we notice is that his contributions to the conversation are not of the same quality we have experienced in the past. He's still enjoyable to be around for the most part (except when he is having one of his episodes of being aggressively frustrated by things he used to understand but now has trouble figuring out). I'm so glad we were able to get lots of wonderful traveling in before we became caretakers for Mom 7 years ago. Our hope was, after her eventual passing, we would enjoy the rest of our retirement together traveling and volunteering and such. It's discouraging to consider the possibility that for me it will just be an extended gig of caregiving instead. But as I said, we had a good run and a good life and some great trips. No use fighting this hateful disease--but I am sure looking forward to the kind of progress with dementia treatment that we've seen with cancer in the past few years! Glad there's a place to share about it with people who don't pat your hand or roll their eyes, but actually share frustrations, ideas, and tips!

Hi @lindabf Nice to e-meet you. No eye rolling here in this group and pats are only 'atta-girl!' (or boy) on the shoulder in support!

I was my wife's primary caregiver for 14 years as she battled brain cancer and suffered from many of the symptoms of dementia. She passed at 63 in July. She and I were also secondary caregivers for her mom when she had dementia.

The line separating ability and inability, as it changes almost daily with our loved ones is one of the supreme challenges in caregiving I agree. Being supportive, gently encouraging, but willing to acknowledge the line in the sand when it is arrived at can be a 'Mission Impossible' at times. Frustrating, saddening, and angering...each of which we, caregivers, force ourselves to mask as much as possible.

I send you strength, peace, and continued courage!

@lindabf My experiences are similar to yours and I remember our family trying to figure out if it was normal memory issues or something more severe; so frustrating and unsettling, not to mention overwhelming.

I also have resorted to Babywipes as they are less expensive and can be purchased in larger quanities. They help keep the skin from getting so dry.