Narcissistic partner, struggling to cope as I am leaving.

@redtulip54

Welcome to Mayo Connect, you may want to check out this discussion.

Survivors of toxic relationship with a Narcissist: Let's Connect
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/toxic-relationships-with-a-narcissist/
Have you left or just planing to?

I understand exactly what you have gone through. I had to get a divorce after 30 some years of marriage. My divorce was six years ago and I still suffer PTSD from the abuse.

You will start healing one day at a time. Keep faith.

Thank you for reaching out, every kind word helps at the moment. I struggle how cold, distant and rude he is right now. I cant talk to anyone as he is so charming with people and they believe him and think he is sweet and nice. He is all these things when he needs to work his magic to get people to trust him. But he is so different behind closed doors. I feel all alone. I don't know you but if you feel like talking, Id like to talk to someone. Sorry, I feel like I am asking strange things, just feeling alone. Been to therapist a few months ago, but I think nobody can really understand you better then someone who lived through it. Thank you for kind words

@redtulip I understand. Had parents like this, especially my father. Haunts me to this day, and I dearly love/d them both.

I know it is different in important ways when it is family - esp. parents - versus a personal relationship. Somehow I've avoided (unknowingly?) relationships with narcissists - to my knowledge. Been single all my life, and the closest I got was a few months' relationship with someone who a psychologist later described as a sociopath. He took pleasure in making things up, setting things up, lying...all of which I found out just a few months later. But the experience haunted me for years.

All of this is to say - you are far better off, long-term, in removing yourself from this relationship. He doesn't deserve you, he can't get his "narcissistic supply" from you any longer, and, as narcissists do, he moves on to new feeding sources.

For me, the hardest part of being exposed to narcissistic parents firsthand is what you mention: how others never see the "inside" reality of their being, what devastating consequences their coldness has on those daring to relate to them.

I haven't found an answer to that, except to vent my experiences in therapy. It hasn't solved or resolved the issues I struggle with having grown up in this environment, but it does give some solace that I was not crazy to oppose their behavior, find it abhorent to observe how they treated each other growing up, and vow to never be like them or with others like them in my lifetime.

I hope you will find a productive outlet, like therapy can be, for sharing your experience in a safe environment. That is what we who post here on MCC find so helpful and welcoming - the lack of judgment, the sharing of familiar experiences, and the safety in doing so.

I wish you well, and that you protect and value yourself as you emerge from this depth. I think you will surface with much knowledge and insight and caring. I hope it will serve you as you find others who value your struggle and your progress moving forward.

Hugs.

@redtulip54 @pinkhydrangea

If you'd like to exchange information on a 1:1 basis I'd like to suggest that you each use the private message function here on this website.

If you look at the top right of your screen you will see a small envelope. Click on the envelope and the private messaging (PM) function will open. You can then send messages back and forth that no one else here can see or read. You can then exchange your own email addresses or phone numbers if you wish.

By the way, I love that your screen names are both lovely perennial flowers.

It's a tough road. The thought flash backs are difficult but don't go back wards. You're moving forwards 💞

Hi @redtulip54 - I wanted to share the following discussion in the Mental Health support group where you have met a few other members who have gone through what you are experiencing: "Survivors of toxic relationship with a Narcissist: Let's Connect" - https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/toxic-relationships-with-a-narcissist/. Many of the members in that discussion are on the next step of talking about how they are doing after the relationship.

You've met @gardenchef, @leah8 and @sally12345 in that discussion, but I am inviting them to this discussion that focuses more specifically on the process of leaving a partner who is abusive and narcistic.

Yep. Went through the exact same thing 30+ years ago. Learning what u can about them helps. I’m so sorry. ❤️

Very courageous of you to take that step to leave your narcissistic husband.
I am still trying to stay, cope, pray during year 28. 🤔😝

@redtulip54 is there a women’s shelter you can go to temporarily while you sort things out? It always is better to leave “now” than “later” because the longer you delay your departure the harder it gets to get out.