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I’m looking for a memory care facility using lots of different resources—digital and company services. I have talked to so many people in the “business”and read so many conflicting reviews that I feel like I’m going crazy. It took me a while to realize that for many this is a “sales” job where people get paid if they place someone in a facility they have a contract with. Also the facilities stay in business when they can convince someone to place their loved with them, so what can you really believe??? I I’ve also realized some of the “comments” online can be from people with “an axe to grind”, so again what do you believe. I can’t place my husband of almost 50 years anywhere I don’t feel 100% confident about. Any help you can give me will be hugely appreciated!! Desperately, Talie

I’m looking for a memory care facility using lots of different resources—digital and company services. I have talked to so many people in the “business”and read so many conflicting reviews that I feel like I’m going crazy. It took me a while to realize that for many this is a “sales” job where people get paid if they place someone in a facility they have a contract with. Also the facilities stay in business when they can convince someone to place their loved with them, so what can you really believe??? I I’ve also realized some of the “comments” online can be from people with “an axe to grind”, so again what do you believe. I can’t place my husband of almost 50 years anywhere I don’t feel 100% confident about. Any help you can give me will be hugely appreciated!! Desperately, Talie

@talie Good morning. What an awful decision you’re having to make. Have you checked your states ratings list? They are required to teach all facilities to make sure they meet Medicare standards. Also check Healthgrades—they also follow doctors and facilities. I also suggest talking to the folks at the Area Agency on Aging in your town. Years ago I worked as a nurse in a nursing home. It wasn't perfect but the patients all got great care. I certainly hope you find something and feel ok with what you find.

Hi everyone,
As the number of discussions related to caregiving increase, it was time to open a new group dedicated to caring for someone who has dementia. Many of you have already participated in discussions centered around dementia, such as mild cognitive impairment, Alzheimer's, long term care, medications, activities, self care and more. Those discussions have been moved to the new group.

General caregiving discussions and caregiving specific to other situations, such as cancer, ALS, Parkinson's, aging, lung disease, transplant, etc will remain in the Caregivers group (https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers/)

If you are caring for someone living with dementia, I invite you to +Follow the Caregivers: Dementia group https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers-dementia/

CV0

Hi @kathymcl, It looks like your message got cut off. How are you doing?

I’m looking for a memory care facility using lots of different resources—digital and company services. I have talked to so many people in the “business”and read so many conflicting reviews that I feel like I’m going crazy. It took me a while to realize that for many this is a “sales” job where people get paid if they place someone in a facility they have a contract with. Also the facilities stay in business when they can convince someone to place their loved with them, so what can you really believe??? I I’ve also realized some of the “comments” online can be from people with “an axe to grind”, so again what do you believe. I can’t place my husband of almost 50 years anywhere I don’t feel 100% confident about. Any help you can give me will be hugely appreciated!! Desperately, Talie

I’m actually feeling a tad overwhelmed. Mom’s dementia was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She seemed to take a turn for the worse in October and since the beginning of November has really crashed it seems. Home Care was giving her 30 minutes 2x/week for a morning shower. I took her to Emerg one day last week and they did what’s called a GEM (Geriatric Emergency Management) Assessment and the doc and nurse said both she and I need more support. I called the home care people to assess her again and they have now agreed to 30 min each a.m. and each p.m. 7 days a week for showering, dressing, hearing aids, putting her compression stockings on. They also told me that she is now considered what they call here in Canada as a ‘crisis placement’ which means she is eligible for a top of the list position in a long term care facility. I haven’t told her that my husband and I have been running around looking at different places to figure out a short list to take her to see as yet. She and I are heading to Mexico mid-January where she will stay for 3 weeks with another family member bringing her back home. My husband and I return to Canada on April 4. We found her current Senior’s Residence the same way. We picked 9, short-listed down to 3 and that’s where she has been for the last couple of years. The only thing is we are feeling a bit misled with the current place as we asked at the time whether she could stay through ‘end of life’ management. They had told us yes, but it turns it they don’t have a locked floor; you just pay them privately for personal care on top of her already pricey monthly fee, so it’s an a la cart menu; e.g. if they have to remind her it’s mealtime, that costs $8.75 plus tax which includes bringing her down and returning her to her suite after each meal, etc etc; medication giving costs $240/month but more if she doesn’t come to the nurse’s station to receive, rather than them come to her. We are going to suck up whatever extra costs are involved till we come back in April.. I don’t want to see her put into a new place and me not be there to support her as I currently spend 3 or 4 days a week with her and she is depending on me more and more. It is just hard watching this once independent vital 90 year-old, once vital and independent woman not be able to find words, not remember names, looking so frail, having incontinence issues, lose so much cognition.

@kathymcl and @talie, I encourage you both to follow and post in the new group dedicated to caregivers caring for someone living with dementia. Here's the link:
- Caregivers: Dementia https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers-dementia/

Kathy, some of the situations with long-term care and the various definitions of care homes that you are describing my aunt in Canada (Ontario) also experienced. It is such a maze to figure out. Have you contacted the Alzheimer's Society of Canada? https://alzheimer.ca/en/Home
They were so helpful with my aunt.