1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Say something? Say nothing? looking for advice.

Posted by 2me @2me, Jul 30 3:09pm

My husband received an email from our heating contractor today about pre-payment of propane.

The first I knew of it was when I heard him on the phone asking questions about the program. (He decided not to pre-pay.)

Not FIVE minutes later, I heard him on the phone again, asking the same questions of the same company!

When he got off the phone, I told him he had just called a few minutes earlier…and then I felt bad.

Is it good for him to realize he is doing this, or should I have remained silent and not made him feel bad?

I feel terrible. Advice welcome.

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Aug 8 8:51pm
In reply to @swisschrishill7 "Hi. Thanks for sharing that. I am wondering about how he responded to your comment. I..." + (show)
@swisschrishill7

Hi. Thanks for sharing that. I am wondering about how he responded to your comment. I am struggling with the same issue. My husband has not been diagnosed with dementia at this time. He is exhibiting several of the symptoms, but, when I mention these to him, he yells and/or denies having done these things. The few times I used the word, "Alzheimer's", he exploded and even once told me if I ever mentioned it again, he'd divorce me. He has some genetic markers which put him at greater risk of having alzheimers. He makes up words for things when he can't remember the correct words, repeats himself a lot, forgets stuff that once was important for him to remember, remembers a part of every sentence I say only or not at all. He is also seriously deaf, which I know can be a contributable condition. Like most of us older fogies, he has normal signs of aging. So, this is all very difficult. If he is not ready to hear it, you may not want to say it until he is. But, if you feel you need to speak your mind for your own sanity, then do it. My husband, at one point, said, if I have alzheimers, I don't want to hear it. But, in this day & age, there are new tests and treatments out there, that are being seriously studied. So, it may be another reason to tell him what you are noticing, so he can get some new type of test or treatment. Difficult! Good luck with this one!

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@swisschrishill7, that's a tough position to be in. Does your husband get regular annual checkups with his primary care physician? Might his symptoms be noticeable to others or is he able to mask them during shot periods of time for other people? Do other family members notice the changes?

REPLY
DanL | @tunared | Aug 9 2:55pm
In reply to @chris20 "My wife of 60 years is also losing her longer term memory. She is unclear about..." + (show)
@chris20

My wife of 60 years is also losing her longer term memory. She is unclear about where we were married, whether or not any of her family is still alive, and doesn't know who the parents of our grandchildren are. I used to talk with her a lot about her childhood, but now she asks me questions about it. Paranoia is still strong as well, she is fearful about things that are really of no concern in our tiny, rural village..

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Chris20
I think we're in the same boat although we've only been married 55 years. :). some nights my wife will wake up and ask if she is in her home or "am I her husband" or "where is my husband". She also forgets the names of our kids. I've learned to never correct her, just answer her question. it gets very frustrating for me but then I think "how frustrating it must be for her." I can't remember the last time I had a full nights sleep (8 hours). The only thing that helps us is exercise. My wife will go to the gym for 90 - 120 minutes. I try to exercise whenever free time there is. Hang in there! You are not alone! Dan

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DanL | @tunared | Aug 9 3:00pm
In reply to @billiekip "My husband and I have been together for 60 years. I would think that I would..." + (show)
@billiekip

My husband and I have been together for 60 years. I would think that I would count as someone from his past, but no. The long-term spouse seems to be the one cut from the memory bank. I am just a caretaker now; he is confused as to who I am and why I would behere.He even questions why I am in all his photos from the past. It is one of the cruelest aspects of having a loved one with ALZ.

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My wife of 55 years has asked me multiple times: where is my husband? are you my husband? am I home? it's tough to hear. Sorry

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billiekip | @billiekip | Aug 10 8:21pm

Yes, it is hard to hear, but even harder to imagine being that confused. I just read that it must feel like walking into the middle of a movie all the time. No clue as to what is going on before, now, or in the future. I think of my husband's brain as a puzzle..all the pieces are still there, just not joined together to make a complete picture. ALZ is an awful path for everyone involved. This is a rocky road ahead, that is for sure.

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jeanadair123 | @jeanadair123 | Aug 11 10:25am

Same here. My husband knows he is getting forgetful etc, is that something that people normally know they do?

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1 reply
judimahoney | @judimahoney | Aug 11 10:41am
In reply to @jeanadair123 "Same here. My husband knows he is getting forgetful etc, is that something that people normally..." + (show)
@jeanadair123

Same here. My husband knows he is getting forgetful etc, is that something that people normally know they do?

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My husband has no awareness of his issues.

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jeanadair123 | @jeanadair123 | Aug 11 12:07pm

My husband has never been diagnosed but we are scheduling an appointment with a neurologist I am not sure how that will go? The doctor asked him to fill in the clock, he wrote twelve six etc. it was almost hilarious.

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