Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

Posted by olgamarie @olgamarie, Feb 7, 2021

Hi, did anyone, after there cancer and COPD diagnosis start to think about dying? After almost four years, I still do, all the time. Planning my funeral, how to leave my children, how it will be to be in a coffin. Bizarre, I know.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Lung Cancer Support Group.

Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jul 28 12:00pm

In reply to @mssewest "I am 56 years old recently diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in which has been found..." + (show)

@mssewest My sympathy in finding out this recent diagnosis. I know your life has changed, and now there are priorities in place that you may have never considered.

Go to you cancer center and ask for the social worker and patient advocate there. They will have information for you. And help guide you along and support you in choosing what decisions to make. You will find them very compassionate.

When I was diagnosed in 2015 with an ultra-rare kidney disease, I did just what you are thinking of doing. It surely eased my mind. First thing was to consider my family and friends, and choose someone [or two] to be my health care advocate and power of attorney, in case I was unable to make decisions for myself. Please let me know if I can be of help.
Ginger

denzie | @denzie | Aug 2 11:21pm

This link will take you to a free booklet you can download and use. It covers legal things like a Living Will, Durable medical and financial powers attorney.
https://www.fivewishes.org/for-myself/
As far as planning a cremation or funeral, select the local funeral home you like. If you want to prepay or make payments, make an appointment to discuss a burial policy. The policies are written through long standing insurance companies so your plan is safe. They will help you with everything from arranging pick up for the funeral home to selecting music, poems, scripture, flowers, anything else you associate with a service. It will be written in a contract that you may amend. I did this in 2010, and they can't charge my family any more money.

If you choose burial, visit local cemeteries, look at plots available. Select the one you best imagine your family coming to visit.

When you have done this, you will find a huge weight is lifted then you can go live your best life whether it's 25 years or 25 weeks. Put the dying stuff behind you and make memories to last your lifetime and the lifetime of your adult child.

jmclemmo | @jmclemmo | Aug 5 8:32am

This may sound weird, but what I've found helps is to schedule time to dwell on these things. As thoughts/topics/worries come up, I jot them down in a notebook. Then, at the time I've set aside for "end of life thinking," I pull out the notebook and address the things that have been worrying me. That way, I'm not ignoring those thoughts, but I'm not letting them dominate each day, either