Long-term depression

I am 72 years old and have only become socially anxious and what I would consider depressed over the last year. I have always been an anxious person which I take .5 mg of Xanax daily to lessen. Now I’m becoming really concerned because I no longer find joy in anything I used to do, I find myself unable to make plans to do anything because I’m certain I won’t be able to keep them, and I spend my days at home reading or watching TV. I never had the time to develop hobbies so I have nothing to pursue in that area. I married my husband late in life and he’s never been much of a talker anyway, so I don’t have a partner to really share these things with. He’s a “toughen up buttercup” kind of guy… 22 years in the Navy I think did that. I don’t know if seven years of Xanax, even though it’s a very low dose my doctor says, is now having an adverse effect. The problem is, the only time I feel up and with it enough to run errands and get things done is when my Xanax kicks in. That’s not very many hours of the day feeling good. I’ve also lost my appetite and over 10 pounds down in the last few months. If there is anyone out there with similar events in their life or thoughts on my situation, please share. I don’t know why I have an aversion to therapy, other than my husband’s very negative views on it based on experiences with his son. I don’t know how it will be received if I bring it up so it’s not my first line of choice. I’m hoping someone has experiences to share that are workable for me.

Hi,

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down and joyless. Its tough to see your way out of it when the overriding symptom is not wanting to do anything. It can change though. It just seems hopeless at times as the changing can be a tough journey too. So I just wanted to say that my partner is similar so you know you are not alone. He's a little younger but has been on Prozac for nearly a year now (depressed on and off for about 12 years though). But he fought going on medication and he's been very adverse to any therapy. Sadly for him the prozac isn't working for him so he's even more against trying new medication. He needs a hip replacement so he's also not exercising too which is imperative for his mental health. I've pointed out different meds work differently for different people. I myself have had severe anxiety for decades now, but have just been diagnosed with ADHD and the medication they have given me is making a huge different. None of the anti-anxiety meds were good with me as an FYI. So maybe your Doc needs to talk with you about different options? My partner has now made a doc appointment and we were lucky enough to talk with a neighbour who has a husband in therapy and who has recommended he go to this particular therapist (she is a therapist herself). Its only that he knows this neighbour that he is willing to try his therapist. Do you know anyone going to a good therapist? I've been to a few and it's so much about how you bond with the therapist to feel that it will help. You can always just go in for a trial session and see how you feel? I can be amazing to talk with someone who is objective and specialised in helping people with your challenges? I know its hard. Even harder if you don't have support at home. But it can be life changing finding the right person to talk with.

@carolinlv It's a tough spot to find yourself in, definitely. I am glad you realize that you are in a depressive episode, perhaps more severe than ever. It is not easy to start out on a road back to where you want to be, but it is worth the journey. Writing out what is causing you anxiety and depression, like you did here, may give you insight on what to tackle first. Even though you have not had any hobbies in the past, what do you imagine you'd like to try? Then go ahead and try it! It's okay to make plans even if you end up cancelling them. I bet just the idea of making them will spur you to try and do them, because you're looking forward to it. As for therapy, there are several types. Can you check with your primary care doctor for a referral?

Everyone deserves to have joy, happiness, and peace in their lives. And usually, that means we have to do the work ourselves to create it. It is not handed to us. I say this as someone who indeed has been where you are at. And yes, it can be a difficult task to take on. But the rewards are great, and those days when you feel like you are not making any progress, be gentle on yourself. Don't give up. Try again the next day. Take baby steps to get where you want to go.

Please let me know if this resonates with you, how you will start your journey?
Ginger

I share the same thoughts. Coming up on another mile marker (75) and still on the same wrong path.
Going today for another med evaluation but I've known for 30+ years what my issue is. I just had a soft spot and didn't listen to my gut until 2 years ago. That allowed me to tell myself the truth and now I distance myself emotionally and physically (still in same house)! from him.
I have only myself to blame and I do not want hurt anyone else. 50 years with one person-what a waste of precious life.

I know that life. Don't know if my way was better but I choose divorce. Now I just have bad relationships but don't depend on anyone else 💔

Hi Ginger, Thank you so much for your help and kind words. Everything you said resonates with me. For me, the next step will be to go over all of my thoughts and feelings with my doctor. We have a very good relationship and I need someone to tell me when my thinking is over the top or when I’m on the right track. I am very hard on myself. I know I am definitely bothered because my problems are not something I can “fix”. I have always liked to be in control of things, and stuff is going on that is completely out of my control. I am worried about my physical health and the laundry list of things my body is rebelling with. I know the anxiety over this is causing my thinking to be negative most of the time, which in turn causes stomach problems and the cycle begins. It’s going to take some work, but I need to come to terms with things being out of my control. That’s a hard one for me, but you are right, I need to do the work, whatever that is. Thank you again for your support! I really appreciate it!

@carolinlv You've done the hardest part. Speaking out loud to yourself that you need/want/deserve help. Yep, that anxiety really has a lot of manifestations in our body! And sometimes, wanting to be "in control" leads us to be in just the opposite spot, spinning out of control.

Take a deep breath. Fix a cuppa tea and grab a couple of cookies [what are your favorite kind?] and congratulate yourself. Make that appointment with your doctor and get the ball rolling. I am hoping you will be glad you did.
Ginger

My appointment is already set for August 19. I’m trying to do all my homework so I can sit in front of him with a list of needs and questions. Thank you for your encouragement, Ginger!

Unlike many of us who are dealing with mental health issues, you are at least not alone, but Also have one who is an example how to get thru life: "toughen up butter cup."

BUT How does one?
THAT is the question that lies underneath most such questions. An Apparent answer-of-sorts, but not really one could make much use of.

I have asked this question: What does make a person feel get interested In Life -- which often is made up of ups and downs -- I've had three (longer) downs and three ups in my 80 yrs -- and have my share of some old age issues like poor eyesight and slowing comprehension.

But each day I Plan what I need to do if I am to be prepared for a future that looks closer to what I'd like. It is This focus, no toughening up, no being responsible, no therapy/meds, but what I Myself can still do to maintain myself in best possible health to avoid the dreaded life I face If I did Not do what I still can.

You've said, "I no longer find joy in anything I used to do," well that is a good news: YOU have KNOWN what an Enjoyable life was. Can you think back HOW that transition took place? This might give you insights like the gifts we all are born with -- curiosity, play, friendships -- which when ignored, we pay a price, Various kinds of life-problems descend upon us, especially Disinterest in life. We all often can look after our food and physical activity areas, but we Can't do if we don't have friends. That's one area I spend most time figuring and planning it out each day. I've already planned a book club, a library social and a community talk on mental health in next few days. I do it because if I did not I won't forgive myself for such mistake that would be irreversible as I'd be older and less able, mentally and physically. But mostly, I am driven by the Prospect of a More Interesting life With Friends.

I hope you find the flame of More Interesting Life soon. I don't see why you won't!

@daisyducko - Don't know what to say except "Bravo" and "Kudos".

The brevity of your response speaks volumes.

Hugs!