Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

Yes, it’s a wake-up call. We know we all will die, but not “now”. My husband and I have made final arrangements, made sure all our financial accts have beneficiaries, and just saw a lawyer today to finalize our documents. But we don't plan on dying any time soon. Just now know everything is in order.

Hi Lisa, @lls80000,

When I read your post, I immediately thought of one friend who has emotionally distanced himself since my diagnosis. His wife, father, and mother all died of lung cancer. I know he mentally knows better, but when he looks at me, I can see the concern that he's going to lose someone else in his life to this disease. You're absolutely right that some of our friends and family are already grieving the future loss. One of my brothers also looks at me like I'm already dead.

For those who haven't found him yet, Matt Mewhorter is a certified therapist, cartoonist, and cancer survivor. He created the Cancer Owl when he was going through treatments. I use his cartoons, with his permission, in my presentations. Here's the one that's relevant to this thread: https://www.mattmewhorter.com/cancer-owl/dead.

Lisa, maybe you can answer a separate question I've had for a while. I see an "Add Photos/Files (optional)" box below this square I'm typing in, but I've never gotten it to work. I've also never seen an attached photo or file in a post. Does the option work? Is there something I'm missing?

Mathew, I can answer the question about adding photos and files.
1. Click "Add Photo/Files
2. Click to upload a photo or file from your device.
File types allowed pptx, jpg, jpeg, jpe, png, gif, mp3, m4a, m4b, pdf, They must be less than 5 MB.

YouTube videos can also be added and will play within your message. See more tips in the Help Center https://connect.mayoclinic.org/help-center/ or write to me here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/contact-a-community-moderator/

Back to the topic at hand: thanks for the introduction to Matt Mewhorter and the Cancer Owl. Humor can be so helpful at getting to the core of tough topics with friends and family.

Metthew, have you been able to talk with your brother or others about their fears of losing you? Do you bring the focus back to living life now?

I do. I share achievements resulting from my work here at NASA. My wife and I bought a new house two years ago (How's that for confidence in the future?!), and I share pictures and stories from our gardens. The friend is the hard one. I haven't gotten him to open up about his fears. I'm giving him time while periodically reminding him I'm still living. As time passes, that friend's wife is back to treating me normally, but I think that friend has a deep sense of loss since his father's passing.

I've also been accepted into the CDMRP civilian reviewer program and the IASLC STARS PRA program. I share my excitement about being able to do what I can to prevent others from having to go through what I've been through.

Thanks for the photo tip. I probably failed before because of the size. I get used to our 10 MB limit here at NASA and sometimes forget not every system supports that size. I appreciate the quick feedback.

To me that is a normal feeling. I have spent the last two years getting everything in shape for my time. To do otherwise is like stinking one's head in the sand

oops sticking (freudian slip?)

This should be normal. Anyone who has a child, anyone who has a cancer, everyone should have notes about their final wishes, even healthy people, and let the family know where to find the instructions.

My durable medical and financial manically powers of attorney are taken care of as well. My family know that I do not want extraordinary treatment when my time comes. My DNR is on file with me hospital.

My mom's m did this with her lung cancer diagnosis. It saves so many arguments and much acrimony. When first diagnosed with my lung cancer, I paid for my cremation and planned what I want at my service. I selected the music and the poetry as well as the urn and some flowers. Best part of this is that the policy is with an established company and it's all paid for at 2010 prices.

@denzie I did the same in 2015. Since then I have moved to another state, but the prepaid plan was transferred here. There is peace of mind in knowing you have a hand/some control in what to do!
Ginger

Not so bizarre Olga. Death will come for us all at some point. There have been many nights that I feared I’d not make it through, especially when I contracted RSV. I thank God for each and every day of life and I stay prepared for when that day comes. My funeral is prearranged/ paid, my will is up to date and I have prepared a document for my wife to help her with details once I’m gone.

I am 56 years old recently diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in which has been found to have spread to the brain through CT/MRI. I think about dying a lot. I am a single parent of (1 adult) a 33year old and don’t know where or how to begin to get my affairs in order, funeral arrangements, where to be buried etc.
Any suggestions?