Latest update and thank you: deciding to not pursue further treatment

Posted by MommaCandy @mommacandy, Jun 20 6:53am

so after finishing radiation, meeting with more docs than i can even remember over the past few weeks, etc my friend says he's done...he's not interested in trials, even more aggressive chemo etc.. he says he's at peace with this decision, he's just DONE...he wants to spend his last months with his cats, doing what he enjoys, getting everything taken care of so I won't have to after he passes and generally doing what he can. We appreciated all the info on everything you all have been able to provide as it gave us things to discuss with doctors but in the end it came down to what he wants and to be honest, i think he's just tired of fighting...He's been a soldier all his life and in the beginning this was just a battle of a different kind but i think he's just reached the point he feels like he can't take anymore and i have to respect that.
basically every oncologist we met with has said the same thing to him that they could possibly delay the inevitable but its still terminal. i know there's a BUNCH of you all who have been very supportive of us through this (and have been in remission and have survived years) and i tried to convince him to do some kind of trials but after reading the info the docs gave him on ones he MIGHT qualify for he just said nope he's done...so i have to respect that...
i think part of it is he has been in pain for so many years (esp after his amputation in 2019 due to shrapnel remaining after the IED blast in Iraq) i think he just sees this as what God wills is what will be.. I think once we get an all clear on my cancer he probably won't last long as he's just the type to watch out for others and he'll feel like there's nothing more he can do for me from this side of heaven ...its just my thoughts..
Anyways I wanted to take a minute just to say THANK YOU to everyone who's been supportive and caring and took time to throw out ideas to help me/us... I pray God will bless each of you and please remember to pray for us as we go through this rest of this journey

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Pancreatic Cancer Support Group.

gamaryanne | @gamaryanne | Jun 21 7:32am

@mommacandy
These are decisions one must make for themselves. I do often wonder if we sometimes intercede against God’s plan for us. When one makes this decision and feels there is little left to give here on this Earth then we must respect it.
I know this must be hard for you. I pray that you can accept it and smile with him as much as possible. 💜

marienewland | @mnewland99 | Jun 21 11:45am

God bless you mommacandy. Everyone would be so lucky to have as good a friend as you!

fatherjonz | @fatherjonz | Jun 21 8:33pm

Mommacandy, As your friend plans for the inevitable he might find helpful a book that I’ve been reading as I plan.
B J Miller: “A Beginner’s Guide to the End”

yliddy | @yliddy | Jun 22 9:06am

I just joined this forum in the past 2 weeks as I was just diagnosed with stage 2b and already all of the support and information has been incredible. I wish your friend and you peace. It is true that we all must make our own decisions and I am sure your friend has thought long and hard. I wish him a peaceful journey......

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Jun 29 3:38pm

Hi @mommacandy, how are you doing with your friend's decision?

MommaCandy | @mommacandy | Jun 29 4:07pm

In reply to @colleenyoung "Hi @mommacandy, how are you doing with your friend's decision?" + (show)

tbh its been VERY difficult for me. He's spent the last couple of weeks since coming home going through his stuff, giving items away, donating things, selling others, and with each little bit he disposes of in some way its like watching a piece of him fade away...it was like he said when he got rid of his survival and combat gear "its like a huge piece of my life is gone".. earlier this week we went to the army/navy surplus store and sold off all his camo that he had worn over the years... he kept one set that was the closest to fitting him..... then last night he was really down... we had went yesterday and donated all his old prosthetic stuff to the clinic that made his prosthetics so they could break them down into the various components to use in making new ones for people without any insurance...ie the pylons, ankle joints, foot plates, etc... its just really hurting me seeing him trying to hold up and be strong for my sake when all i want to do is cry...of course i know PART of my emotions is results of my own cancer journey but it just hurts seeing him so depressed...he tries to be strong but its hard...and tbh idk how in the world he's doing it...i know i couldn't and now he's started on listing all his reenactment gear for sale...he said earlier today its just so hard watching all this he's invested in the hobby just walking out the door so to speak... he said it sucks to die slowly he's just rather have had a bullet take him suddenly or something but i'm sure thats the soldier in him...at 52, he's the last of his 8 man QRF team...and i know that eats at him too...but anyways...yea i'm not coping very well at all...i understand WHY he chose to do it, but dang it i don't have to like it...i just have to respect it...

gamaryanne | @gamaryanne | Jun 30 4:57pm

I think you may have the toughest role of both of you. It’s hard to go through this with someone only 52.

howleegirl | @howleegirl | Jul 1 5:51am

There's a special place in heaven for this veteran!!! Gods speed...........

sprinter345 | @sprinter345 | Jul 1 6:55am

Prayers for you both - so very hard. I can’t imagine.

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Jul 4 2:56pm

In reply to @mommacandy "tbh its been VERY difficult for me. He's spent the last couple of weeks since coming..." + (show)

@mommacandy, I can imagine that this is very hard. And, no, you don't have to like it. It probably doesn't help for me to say this right now, but ... maybe it will. I think there will be a day when you look back and admire your friend's kindness and courage. Doing this now when he can make the decisions and make the donations personally gives him some control in a situation where little is in his control.

While it hurts and is one of hardest things you've ever done, you will also recognize your strength in supporting him through this even when it makes every fiber of your being ache. I have loads of gratitude that you have the courage to talk about it here. I know this discussion will help others who find themselves in a similar situation.