Longtime caregiver looking for support and coping tips
I've been a member of Mayo Clinic Connect for several years, but this is my first time at this group. Here's my situation: I have been a caregiver for my parents, 4 years for both and 7 years for my mom alone ( she died in December). I also have been a caregiver for my wife for the past two years because of incapacitating Chronic Fatigue Syndrome mixed in with Long Covid symptoms. It has been helpful to see a therapist weekly, but I feel emotionally exhausted and feel like I have little in reserve to give. I work hard to take care of myself as well, but this is easier said than done. My reason for posting here is for support and encouragement from others in the same situation. And,too, perhaps to pick up some useful tools to cope with the difficulties of caregiving.
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.
You have a very tough situation. Prostate Cancer treatment is difficult enough (been there, done that) but with all the terrible side effects, complications and other issues, it sounds like a real nightmare. The solution for me has been Acceptance I may not like it, but I have to face reality as it is. The next step is what can I do to solve the problem, or not? Seemingly intractable situations like you face can sometimes be approached by asking for help from hospital staff, including social workers, who are there to sort out some of the issues you address. Your post is more generalized and as Becky has mentioned, specific examples may be more useful to suggest remedies.
Take care of yourself so you can care for others ❤️
Thank you
I find he hardest part is telling others how i actually am feeling - LOST, helpless, trapped,
and having an impossible time giving up gardening, and building, just don't have the time any more and am starting to see am running out of money slowly with many years left..
One day, one minute at a time and lots of tears
thank you all who share
feeling like I have already drown
Don
@hikingcaver I see you have been a member her for over a year. Has reading any of the posts here in the caregiver group, offered you any tips?
Can you perhaps have someone [friend or family member] help out with some of the caregiving, to give you a respite? You deserve to have some time for yourself, otherwise it is too easy to lose yourself in the daily things! Can you source out how to barter for some things and reduce costs?
Ginger
Dear Don, It sounds like you're running on empty, and I can relate to it. We are golden oldies who remarried 25 years ago in our 60's. Along with anniversaries, we have celebrated surviving prostrate cancer twice, two life-threatening bowel obstructions, two major back surgeries, knee replacements, colon cancer with more major surgery, stays in nursing homes for us both, and enough rehab to make us Olympians. There has been depression and moments of whining, "Why me?" The advice to take care of yourself from well-meaning people can sound silly (or even mean) when pressure is unrelenting. Still, we need a well to go to refresh ourselves. Try gardening in containers. Make your woodworking projects smaller. I had to give up large art projects for small collages. Long walks have become writing sessions in 5 or 10 increments. Although you sound much younger than us, we also have money worries. We are challenged with how long it will be possible to stay in our home. If we must leave, his dementia will reduce him to a guy sitting in a chair all day in a nursing home, and we cannot afford two slots in that home. So we will have to separate. Right now, all I have is the energy to do what I must for the here and now. Call in reinforcements. Find the family and friends who are willing to give you some respite. Talk to that therapist about practical solutions. Please do not keep it all in trying to play a superhero. We are only human, and communicating our needs to others more than likely will surprise us that we were never alone. I wish the best for you. GloRo
Wow! This hits home - you just said what I keep feeling and posts I look for . I still help care for my 88 year old mother with cognitive issues from a stroke and past illness but she lives somewhat independently in senior facility. My fiance has severe long covid and I feel like I’m soo no g in circles trying to find answers or the “ next better supplement” ! I agree with trying to care for ME but that is hard …. Emotionally tired and sad . Best to you . Encouraging words are always welcome !