Hubby is not on same page regarding his daughter and our will HELP

She is not concerned about things like power of attorne concerning our wishes or suh, just the will.

As I see it, the will is at the end when we are gone. One thing she did a few years ago was to sit in my living room and start crying (out of the clear blue sky) that she was afraid my daughter would get everything. My first thought was where in the heck did that come from. H had to calm her down by assuring her that wouldn't happen and I was just flabbergasted.

Now all she says when she calls is not how are you guys, do you need something, etc. It is about do we have a will, is she executor, what is she going to get in regards to her other siblings and my daughter.

I am finding this behavior abnormal and scary. The few times in the years she has come by I have had to lock my bedroom door. Why? Because things happen to go missing from places like my jewelry box and other area.

How can I protect myself and my husband from this loon?

Oh, my daughter lives in another state. Hubby's one sane daughter lives across the country. The loon would let her believe she was helping us out and the normal daughter was shocked when she found out how little we see her etc.

One more point. When her son got married 7 years ago she didn't invite us to the wedding and then got upset when I did't send them a gift after not being invited. I think that should speak volumes about what she thinks about us.

I know she views her father as being able for her to manipulate because she's his little girl. Hence the talking to him privately about the wills.

Our neighbors wondered why we were always alone for holidays. Now they know. When she did a fly by earlier this week - you know, pull up knock on the door, too busy to come in, see ya later and off she goes, the one neighbor looked at me and just shook his head, asked if she was checking to see if Hubby was still alive. And then there was the day she got out of her car, many years back, and started dancing down the driveway chanting how she was not normal and never had been. I am not kidding. The one neighbor watering his plants saw and heard, and you should have seen the look on his face. When she realized someone was watching her besides me in the window, she stopped it real quick. We are not talking average in this one.

Get an attorney who deals with wills. Take it off your shoulders and let the attorney write up a legal will.
Let him deal with her. You don’t need this extra stress in your lives. Tell the attorney to exclude her if you want to and refer her to the attorney instead of you two if she keeps checking For her share if you don’t have her in the will or even if she is named as recipient of some money. You probably wouldn’t see her come to check if you’re still alive.

Thank you for your advice. I am going to do that on Monday. I am just so stressed out I don't need her ghoulish behavior hence my blabbing. I really like the part about just giving her the attorney's name.

My daughter checks in with us to see how we are doing and my hubby is. She actually arranged to have dinner delivered so I wouldn't have to cook or go out This she got done from another state 2 over! They are making plans to spend time here helping us out with things. Big difference. She is worried about H and me, not about what she will get.

@kartwk

When I read your comments, I was not sure if you actually have a will or not. If you do not have one, you need to get one drawn up immediately. If already have one, maybe it is time to review with a good estate lawyer. You need to make sure you are each taken care of if something happens.

I have been executor on multiple estates, and the more clearly everything is expressed in a will or trust, the less turmoil after. In addition, review all your finical accounts and how they are set up, are they set up as joint, if have CDs or other investments, whose names are on them. An estate lawyer can help, it may cost now, but will save lot problems later.

Whoever is your executor, does need to know where to find key information. My local bank has list of key documents that you should have available for your executor :
https://www.thinkbank.com/live-prepared--get-these-25-key-papers-in-order
It does get confusing when step-children are involved. Do you and your husband agree on what will happen when one of you passes or is unable to make diecsions? Do not let the children pressure you. You will need to agree on a executor, someone you can trust to carry out your wishes. You can have joint executor if you think need to make sure someone does not take advantage. My mom's was set up that way. My brother and myself were joint, he signed over his responsibly to me because I was in better position to handle and he trusted me.

Have you and your husband come up with an joint answer when she asks about the will?

Good advise - we have wills but they were done years ago when we first married. I won't tell her anything because it is none of her business. She isn't interested in our benefit, trust me. If she was she would be more interested in what our wishes were if one of had medical decisions to be made, etc. With her it is only $$$$.

Please let me vent. Just Friday she dropped by, not long enough to come in the house but to stand on the stoop. She told me something about how she so wanted to help me out but just didn't have time thee days, too busy. When Hubby got to the porch and I left, she told him she offered me help and I turned it down. That is not what happened. She was here a total of 8 min. max. She considers that spending time with us.

May I share with you one of the interesting things with her.

She has a neighbor who is all alone. Supposedly his children want nothing to do with him. So, she helps him out with cleaning, cooking, takes him to doctors appointments, etc. A hell of a lot more than she does for her Dad.

Any way one day she blew by here very agitated. Seems she thought that he should leave her his house because of all she was doing from him. It must have come up because he told her he was leaving it to the Salvation Army. Oh was she furious.

When he passed away she quickly cleaned out the place of anything that was worth anything. Then she found out that he had left the house and all the property to his children! Seems the estate lawyer made her give the property she took back. If one thought she was furious before, this beat it. She was ranting and raving about how she deserved it after all she did for him.

Actually, she wasn't that nice to him. He did a lot for her by cutting her lawn and taking care of her 4 dogs when she went on vacations.

Good for you. She is toxic to you guys, yes even the father she’s trying to “help “ I can tell what I read from you an estate lawyer is the best thing you can do for yourselves. (. I just noticed that you said he passed away) my condolences to you. Do not give her anything although it’s up to if you feel she could get money or the house. She’s manipulating you. I’m glad you see her for what she is .
You have to get to the point of giving her the lawyers card if she continues to abuse an elderly person. She could criminally be charged for abusing an elderly person.
You don’t need to go that far if you don’t want to but remember, you are in control.
Giving her the lawyers card is the best thing to do! I’d love to see her face. She knows you have a lawyer by his telling her to put everything back that she stole from you. Give it to him/her to deal with you. Sounds like you’re aware of what she’s doing. Just get a bunch of the lawyers cards and give her one each time she’s begging you to give her the house or any assets.
Good luck getting rid of this unacceptable situation.

Hi Andy - No Hubby, that the Lord, is still alive. That incident was how she was working an elderly, now deceased, lonely neighbor of hers out of his property. The cooking part was that she would occasionally send over left-overs.

I clarification, the fact that the matter of where his property was going when he passed even came up speaks volumes. She was pushing at it. That is what I am trying to express about her lack of character.

Is hubby on the same page as me? He is scared because he is having heart problems. Every time he feels his heart has skipped a beat, real or imagined, he wants to run to ER. And a few times we have.

He is venerable in his current condition and thus her talking to him about his will, changing his will, who is executor etc, disturbs me. If I may be quite frank, Hubby (and we have been married now over 30 years) did not have the proverbial pot when he met me, which is why I never comingled funds.
We put together a decent savings together through our marriage, but the lions share was mine to begin with. Hence all her questions to me about I comingled funds, how was the house titled... etc.

WE have wills, but they are quite old and need to be updated. My concern is the manipulation by her fake show of concern the last few weeks. I am going to have to bite the bullet and come right out and tell the lawyer that I am concerned about this daughter trying to get his portion of house etc. Hubby is not going to like that. He so wants to leave his kids money, but me first. We earned what he accumulated together.

As my Mom told me when he first asked me to marry him, there are a lot of bad guys out there, drunks, abusers, cheaters, etc. He is none of those, he is a good man, moral, steady worker, paid his child support etc. (which is one reason he didn't have much). Just not to mingle my money and property from before I met him.