How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

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itchyd | @itchyd | Jun 8 6:42am

Butt joke:

Why are proctologists constantly getting calls from the collection agency?

Because they're always in arrears.

itchyd | @itchyd | Jun 8 7:00am

In reply to @shirleyrawlins "If you lose a sock in the dryer, it returns as a Tupperware lid that doesn't..." + (show)

Or that empty box of staples in the back of your office desk.

kamama94 | @kamama94 | Jun 8 6:39pm

Though her husband often went on business trips, she hated to be left alone.
“I’ve solved our problem,” he said.
“I’ve bought you a St. Bernard. It’s name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!”
She hit him with a waffle iron.
By Snoopy (Charles M. Schulz)

itchyd | @itchyd | Jun 9 8:16am

Chicken joke:

Q:
Why did the turkey cross the road?

A:
To show it wasn't chicken.

shirleyrawlins | @shirleyrawlins | Jun 10 12:38am

How to Write Good
1. Avoid alliteration-always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. They're old hat.
4. Be more or less specific.
five. Be consistent.
6. Who needs rhetorical questions?
7. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

itchyd | @itchyd | Jun 10 8:05am

In reply to @shirleyrawlins "How to Write Good 1. Avoid alliteration-always. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with...." + (show)

Some respectful responses to your dang good recommendations, Shirley:

1. Mr. Piper has a hard time getting around this one while at the farmer's market.

2. Death sentences generally end in pray positions.

3. I thought it was one of Camus' better works, and hardly derivative.

4. Darwin was more specific. That's where his genus lies.

Five. A pox of a thousand Hobgoblins upon ye, Madame!

6. Who does not need rhetorical questions. What needs rhetorical questions. Who needs a new mitt. (Not sure about I Don't Know).

7. I think you're being a bit hyperbolic with this one.

8. Avoid dangling participles. And, generally try not to dangle anything, unless you're at a nudist colony.

shirleyrawlins | @shirleyrawlins | Jun 10 11:56am

In reply to @itchyd "Some respectful responses to your dang good recommendations, Shirley: 1. Mr. Piper has a hard time..." + (show)

great additions!

shirleyrawlins | @shirleyrawlins | Jun 10 2:26pm

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes it
five years in a row.

kamama94 | @kamama94 | Jun 10 5:39pm

A young man sees an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at the local fast food restaurant. He notices that they have ordered only one meal, and an extra drink cup.

As he watches, the gentleman carefully divides the hamburger in half, counts out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each has half of them. Then he pours half of the soft drink into the extra cup and sets it down in front of his wife.

The old man then starts to eat, while his wife sits watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man, feeling moved, decides to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so they don’t have to split theirs.

The old gentleman says, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”

The young man then asks the wife if she was going to eat her half, to which she replies, “Oh, yes… but it’s his turn with the teeth.”