How do you respond to offers of help?

That depends on the quality of the counseling, doesn't it?

Not all advice is worthwhile. There are so many variables.
An outside opinion is just that: an opinion.

Sometimes, "advice" is so trite as to be worthless, like people telling me I should eat better and exercise more to lose weight. Gee, why didn't I think of that?

While I certainly agree that seeking an external perspective is valuable (I sought counseling after a stroke), that doesn't mean that feedback is gospel.

Oh, I pretty much agree with everything you are saying.

In my experience, about 1 in 5 counselors was good. The rest? The reason the rest were bad is not that they weren't talented...but, to me, it seemed they were just there for the paycheck and really had no real devotion to me or to solving my problems. Just did the bare minimum so that they could get paid.

But, the good ones were good.

As far as them giving trite advice? Sometimes the words they say are not what they mean.

That is where their little professional "mind tricks" come in. Sometimes, say, they will tell you trite advice in order to get you to react. Like they want to provoke you, to get you angry.

Why? Well, anger tends to defeat depression and get people energized.

The good ones will play those kinds of "tricks." And that is their job, you know?

In my experience, that is the not the first thing they do. They try to do things directly and openly for a long time. But if that doesn't work, they will try "tricks."

That may seem manipulative, but every good sports coach in history has done those kinds of things. Anyone who is good at motivating people to do good, will engage with that from time to time.

Very sorry about the stroke. I had some incident in 2014. They think it may have been a TIA...and I have some brain damage...but they are pretty sure it was not a stroke.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback, appreciated.

Best of luck to you, sir...

I think what is mostly needed by someone going through health crisis is an empathetic ear.
Someone to listen, who cares.
So many people say " I just don't know what to say, so I don't go see them"
It's not about saying anything. It's about listening to them. Allowing them a place to truly be heard without judgement. To just sit with them, be with them . To be available for that. Sending a communication to them regularly, such as a card or text , just saying I'm thinking of you... it really can have so much impact in the patients feeling of support.

Any idea on how to get a husband's head out of the clouds He thinks mother nature will cure my rectal cancer Don't know what planet he is on. Also he is a work a holic and says he will help. But if my needed schedule requires him to change he gets mad So mad he says he is unhappy told him I was not jumping for joy with this cancer disease He is a great provider & has made our life comfortable but he works 98 hours a week & will not cut back Says he loves his job Any suggestion

Perhaps he's acting this way because he's in deep denial about what's happening to you, but you have enough to deal with right now without trying to counsel him, too, and from what you wrote, he doesn't sound like the kind of person who'd be open to group therapy with other relatives of people dealing with cancer.

Perhaps you could tell him that he's always been a great provider, and what you need him to provide now isn't money but other kinds of support. It would be a long shot, though.

The most-important thing is not to let yourself become isolated. Get to know other people living with cancer, and meet up to swap stories. Build a network of family and friends willing to take turns driving you to appointments (I was in one friend's network even though I have advanced cancer myself).

You deserve support and understanding. You should be getting it from your partner, but if you're not, you have every right to look elsewhere to build your support network.

Good luck on your journey

No family no friends and if I did all they would want to do is hoover over you Which I do not want I live in a very remote area i e no cell phone & 10 miles away no internet Forget the church thing another hoover group I would love to have him talk with a group of relatives but he will not do it as that would upset his workaholic list Even when I asked him to come in to the living room after he comes home to talk about what is going on he huffs & puffs as he had to break his workaholic list He gets mad and them says he is unhappy. I told him i am also unhappy as this treatment is no cup of tea

This may seem blunt, but your husband needs to realize that whatever his job is, it's not half as important as *you* are.
Maybe I've gotten the wrong impression, but to me he seems to regard your situation as an irritating intrusion on his routine. That might be excusable initially as he adjusts to the shock. But as you are undergoing treatment, he needs to set all that other stuff aside and focus on you.
He owes you that. Isn't that what you'd do for him?

I wish you a complete and timely recovery. May God bless and heal you.

Yes, I agree that just staying in touch means a lot. I don’t feel like having company or going out, but a quick text or email is helpful for me. Some of my friends understand that. Others seemed offended that I did not want them to “help” me in the way they wanted to help. “Let’s go for a drive.” or “I’ll come over to talk.”
I can’t really do that now, and though I’ve explained why, some people don’t “get it”, and prefer to move on.
They wanted the help to be on their terms and so sometimes you just have to let them go.
If I ever get well, I doubt I will try to pick up these relationships.
I have a few people that understand, and keep in touch the best we can. That helps me the most.

I'm sorry — it sounds like you're stuck in a bad situation. Most of us are too far to offer drives, but lots of people here are happy to listen, if it helps.

Just be grateful that someone has offered you help .and say "Thank You "