Feeling lonely and want to vent

Funny you ask. I heard this today: "You can't change your friends.........so you change your friends."

One the other hand, people are busy. It is beautiful (finally!) in New Jersey. It is a big holiday weekend....pools open...families travel.

Sometimes I think it is up to us to ask for help, too.

Our capacity to give is not the same. You sound like a great friend.

Also, something to consider. Some people are simply uncomfortable.

Reach out to those who you know will be there...maybe 1 or 2 is all you need.

CindyC

PS. You have us, too.❤️

Dear Ellie ~
I am so sorry you're hurting. I understand the anger too. I read someplace that anger is really hurt, fear and frustration, which applies to me anyway. Feeling lonely or being alone is the worst. Especially when you have people in your life who you thought you could count on. The people you refer to like "sucker branches" sound toxic to me....maybe you should cut them from your life? Or, maybe you're not sure, because you don't want to feel lonely, and want to give them another chance maybe? Sounds like you invest A LOT of yourself and your heart in relationships, which in my opinion is a wonderful thing! It's also a rare thing ~ so many people seem to be "busy" so much. Makes you wonder what's wrong with YOU! Not so! I think you'd make a wonderful friend! I hope this helps a bit...

I completely agree! But here is why my feelings are hurt. I told my so-called friends and coworkers probably a month before my hysterectomy that I was going to need their help because the majority of my family have passed away. There’s only four of us left and that includes me. My friend, “C” said that she was all in and going to help me and my mom and gave all kinds of examples how she could help and what she was going to do to make things easier during my recovery. After Surgery she text and asked if I need anything. Yes, I need my medicine. Could you pick it up and bring it to me? She lives only a few minutes away from me and from the store that my medicine is at. She text me back a week later. Sowwy, I was sick. Actually we were all sick with the flu. Hope you’re good.
Really!? Why even ask? You couldn’t text back and say you’re sick?
Then yesterday I texted her and about 11 other people looking for a ride to my Dr appt. I still haven’t heard back from her or most of them.
Only my son and my friend R replied back that they could take me and a few others replied that they were busy. I thanked them for replying and thanked R for taking me and took him to lunch to say thank you.

It really does help. I do feel like some are toxic. Maybe not bad people but bad for me. I don’t like feeling alone or unworthy. It’s bad enough that life is constantly kicking us in the crotch, I don’t need other humans doing that to me also. To be honest, the only reason that she wanted to be my friend was because she liked my car. I think she hopes to stay “friends” with me in case I ever decide to sell one of them. 🙄 TBH
I’m ready to move on. This is like the umpteenth time she’s hurt me by doing this. Saying she’s going to be there and not. It’s time to cut it loose.

Oh, Dear Ellie! NOBODY likes to feel alone or unworthy, but there are lots of us out there, including me. I just checked your profile...looks like you've been kicked in the crotch A LOT with all those surgeries at such a young age. Believe it or not, Ellie ~ you do have so much in the way of support! You have your MOM and two children. My Mom died of colorectal cancer at age 53. I was 20 at the time. I'm so envious that you have yours! Don't get me wrong ~ I'm also glad that you have her. Yikes! I just realized that at 67, I'm old enough to be YOUR mother. I'm glad you're reaching out HERE. People respond here because they do care! So, this person was hanging out with you because of YOUR CAR? (I hope I can use the word hell here) What the hell were you thinking? LOL Come on girl ~ you know you deserve better than that!! People treat us the way we think we deserve to be treated... Hang in there young lady ~ you have a bright future! BTW ~ I love that photo of you and your dog!

When I had a stroke in 2018, the biggest non-physical shock was learning how many friends I *didn't* have.

Initially, more than half the people I gave the news to never responded. Over the next few months, most of the rest drifted off.

Many of those who did engage with me just wanted someone to vent on, and figured I was a stationary target.

Making friends has always been difficult for me. I find myself now spending a lot of time alone. Pretty depressing, to be honest.

My wife is wonderful, but I can't monopolize all her free time. I feel guilty enough about much I rely on her.

Hey Scott ~
Being alone or isolated is beyond enduring. I'm talking so alone that the only heartbeat you ever hear, or the only other being you communicate with is your cat. It's VERY depressing. Can I ask ~ are you sure that the friends you do engage with see you as a stationary target? Have you ever just told them how you feel about that? What have you got to lose? Maybe THEY don't realize they're doing that?
About your wonderful wife... of course you rely on her!! "For better or worse, in sickness and in health" are not just words you said at the altar. PLEASE don't underestimate her ~ you would be there for her if the situation was reversed. It's not like you planned this Scott. Feeling guilty doesn't help ~ I know! Wishing you the best!

We are all alone in this world. I’ve learned long ago, that the only one you can count on is yourself.

We all can often find a way to help Ourselves in general, but friendship is a two way deal and therefore only Half is in our control; the other half belongs to the other, who too needs to connect with the other in areas that truly matters to them. THIS is the joyful thing about friendship as Each enters in the other`s circle with the pure intention of MUTUAL reward; This is why it`s so rewarding.

I`ve been sorta fulltime (I am 80) who spends his time to find such opportunities. All four ones this week did Not work, but I am going tomorrow to two more. What else the recourse! No I have not been lax, but I remind myself: Life can be beautiful when you have (and the other has you), the most equal of ANY relationship.

Yes, we Also maybe with sadness, grow apart when One finds it`s not as nurturing ad u wud like to, you let the other find their `circle`knowing that in friendship Both must find fulfilment.
Good luck friend!

Exactly you get it. I miss having my husband. He passed in 2013. Medical issues are easier together. He was my best friend.
Thanks for responding, it really helps hearing everyone else’s story and take. Thank you.