Preparing to Age in Place

Hello thisismarilynb:
I enjoyed your post. Keep on keeping on. At 83, I already need help around the house. I'm likely due for a new hip this summer if I understand what the MRI is implying. I am in total agreement with staying in my own home as long as possible. I've just had the exterior painted because now I can deal with the decisions needed and I can't predict how I'll be in 5 or 10 years. It will be nice to have the house-painting done! Fortunately, I have a wonderful woman whom I enjoy having here to do the heavy cleaning for a wage I'm willing to pay and she is willing to accept. It is a good arrangement for both of us.

Good afternoon, @edsutton. What a wonderful editing job you have designed and shared. Six years ago, I made the decision to sell my home in the mountains above Palm Springs and move to central Minnesota alongside the Mississippi River; here's what happened. On the very first viewing........the house sold. Because my life partner was going to be staying at Mayo Clinic for prostate cancer treatment, I was his caregiver and unavailable to make decisions about what to save and what to sell or give away.

Somehow, a couple of friends got everything moving, and I received a three-week extension on the "hand it over" day. You can see where this is going. Just like you I had led a creative life and had been in this art community for 23 years. So everything was going pretty well.........my customers were invited to view art and choose a gift for themselves. Local non-profits received business elements, kitchenware, and private treasurers. The moving van was done stashing away memory items and treasures in a couple of hours.

It has been six years now, and I have encountered just a few sad "I miss you" items. Letting go is sometimes a real challenge. Here is how I protect myself: I do not look at the house photos the realtor's photographer took and put together for me. I store all my treasures and historical documents in a box under my bed.

Just so you know......the only thing I miss is my "Roxie" (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel), who left this world without me.

May you have happiness and the causes of happiness.
Chris

I had a full hip replacement when I was 87. I had a wonderful surgeon and I only have a small scar on the front. From talking to others who have had hip replacements their surgeons went in from the back and they have large scars. I was told I have this small scar because I had a good surgeon. The aftermath was not good, however. Because this was after my husband had died, I had no one to look after me. They do not keep you in the hospital, where you should really be. They shipped me off to a "skill nursing" facility. The skill and nursing were not there. In the three awful weeks I had to spend there I was never given a shower or shampoo; not even a bed bath, and I had to beg to get water to brush my teeth. Simply put, it was a hellhole. So I would definitely find out from your surgeon how they handle patients after surgery. If you can afford it, get someone in to look after you in your own home. I don't wish on anybody the horror I had to go through.

I'm thinking that the big rules for preparing to age in place are
1) Be proactive!
2) Don't procrastinate!

I can be pretty darned certain that in years to come (if they come) I will be less strong, less swift and less adept than I am today, so if things must be done to make my staying at home possible and if they can be done now, now is the best time to do them.

I don't mean by this a frenzy of activity, but rather a calm assessment of what's before me and how to improve it for my best long term options.

This can mean, for example, quietly participating in neighborhood activities so that I'm connected to people around me and so I can learn by observing how others deal with problems of aging.

When we decided to make a downstairs walk in shower and to enclose our back porch to make a comfortable place to watch the birds and woods, it was clear that if those adaptations could keep us out of assisted living for just 2 or 3 months, they will have paid for themselves.

We have learned a lot dealing with my wife's surgeries and recoveries, done at home at a physical therapy clinic.
When you have a one hour visit with a health care worker, at home or in a clinic, it seems likely you'll get good, focused attention because they are scheduled and paid to pay attention to you for that time.
(My experience working as an aide in a geriatric ward many years ago was that there was almost never enough time to fully meet patients' needs before there was another emergency.)

So we are learning what services can be contracted from health care providers, what will Medicare cover, how to arrange care and coverage.

Today I began working through some disagreements with a neighbor. Not perfect, but we are talking and sharing thoughts, so this evening my world feels a bit bigger and more interconnected. It makes my future feel more safe and secure.

I have just had the exterior of my house painted by a painting crew who really paid attention to detail. It is now in good shape for as long as I can hope to live here. I did it now while I could deal with it rather than put off for a year or two when it would have to be painted and I wouldn't be as able. Check that one off the list. Little by little I'm filling up the Thrift Shop Box as I sort through things and weed out things I'm no longer using. I still have the stand for the cream separator - the machine that separates the milk from the cream - a lot of emotional attachment to that; I was going to make it into a stand to put a small barbeque on. But it hasn't gotten done. The separator too needs to go. It was last used in the late 1940s when we still had milk cows and I was a little girl. One was named Josephine Johanna Birk Ormsby. So it is time to let go. Little by little.

I have been trying to get a friend in the frame of mind to do what you all are doing (as I am too) but she doesn't budge. She is 82, has two bad knees, gets out of breath, and is overweight. She lives in a split-level house with 3-4 staircases (5-6 steps) and no bedroom or bathroom on the main floor. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to motivate her?

ksdm I'm sorry your friend is suffering. You may want to call your local public health department and see if they have any suggestions. And you may want to contact Medicare and ask them. Goodness, your friend is 82 years of age. There has to be some help out there for her. We pray, and ask this in the name of Jesus, amen, and amen. CB
Note: I got to thinking, perhaps you could have her bedroom moved to the bottom floor where she could have easier access.

Does she have any family? Maybe she could start the process by deciding what she wants to give her family or friends. We're 73, and have discussed that with our two kids, at least with regard to dishes. She could make a list of everything. Has she ever done a video inventory for insurance? She might enjoy having that done.

Maybe she hasn't wanted to face the job of paring down - it can certainly be overwhelming. There can be a number of reasons someone might be putting off things like this. Lots of emotions are involved.

As her friend, you're in a good position to discover a way to inject the subject in normal conversation, without seeming pushy. She's fortunate to have a friend in you.

Jim

Great suggestion Jim. I felt a weight lifting last year when I passed the "entertaining dishes and silver" to my daughters and the sentimental pieces to my younger sister. It made me feel free to continue simplifying. This year's projects are the garage and archiving all the photos on memory sticks.

One major problem these days is that kids don't usually want your dishes or much else for that matter! So you have to face either tossing it out or donating it which makes it even more difficult.