Trouble relaxing and self care

Hi there! I am also learning to be a caregiver for my husband and I do the best I can to make him comfortable and happy. We caregivers learn as we go along and we try to do better. Whether it’s joining a Memory group or reading about their sickness or buying things they like (puzzles, drawing, a fake cat), whatever I hope he will enjoy and keep his mind fresh I try. We learn as we go along day after day, and we keep trying to be a better caregiver. I believe this is enough for us to be able to relax, and not worry, because we are doing the best we can. We owe it to ourselves to have some peace and quiet and take good care of ourselves. If you need more help, try calling Senior Services and ask how they can help you. They are a real blessing to me to know I am not alone and there is help waiting for me. Their help in so many areas gives me the strength and confidence to continue on this journey. I would be lost without them. You need help and I hope you find it.

Would that be like Senior Services of Central Illinois in Petersburg?

I forgot to mention a very important help for you and your husband. It’s called Humor, and laughing, and being silly like little children. This definitely helps us to feel connected to each other and take away some tension and sadness you both feel. It really has helped our relationship as caregiver and patient to just laugh and be happy, even for a little while. We both deserve some happiness.

@chris20 I think Senior Services in you own town/city would be the best place to start. Or you can look up and then call your area Agency on Aging.
Can you let me know what you might learn?

I have belonged to The Oasis Senior Center in Lincoln, IL for several years, where I used to go to monthly Alzheimer's caregiver meetings, and have been to the Alzheimer's office in Springfield back when I had some family help to allow me some personal time. I have also contacted the area department of aging in Springfield and they were helpful until it became impossible to attend. I have read numerous books on dementia to learn what I can, and have managed to attend a couple of seminars. I probably should start reaching out to some of those places again, if I can figure out a way to do it without causing the panic attacks, dysphasia and tachycardia episodes my wife has when she's not physically close to me.

@chris20 I’m so happy to hear that you have some previous connections to the Senior Center and Alzheimer’s office! That should make things easier. Are Springfield and Lincoln a distance away?
I suggest that you go through these discussions and see what questions others have asked. Then, make a list so you don’t forget anything when you get there. Lists are always good. The question you asked this group will be a good starter question.
What will your wife do while you are gone? Does it work when/if she goes with you? Or does she understand what is being said?
You are doing the right thing for both of you. You need (and deserve) some free time and she needs to get used to your absence.
Have you made any plans for how to handle a long absence? Like your illness or breaking a leg?

Thanks for bringing these things up. She went with me to just one of the meetings at the Alzheimer's Association office in Springfield, about 45 minutes from home; Lincoln is just 10 minutes away. She was very upset, on the verge of a panic attack at the Alzheimer's meeting so she never went again, and she is unable to be left alone. She accompanies me whenever I go to sing gospel and country music at local nursing homes so that works pretty well. If anything were to happen to me she would be unable to function and have to be moved to a memory care or assisted living facility for sure.

I had to smile when I read your comment about lists, since I am, and always have been, a compulsive list-maker!😊

Good thing to mention, my wife and I don't laugh much anymore. She won't go to movies, And she watches a lot of old sitcoms. The Seinfeld episodes are pretty funny, but Friends and most others seem tiresome with irritating laugh tracks. My former wittiness and sense of humor are fading..

I live near you and contacted the state dept. on aging last year. They offered some free hours of respite care. Would your LO allow someone to stay with her so you could get away a bit?