Erectile dysfunction: how do you deal with it together as a couple?

Moving on and looking for every possible solution is the only way to deal with it. I did the same. My friend helped me find out a natural way to treat erectile dysfunction by referring me to iahas.com and there I found out a great remedy for my partner. Herbs like Aswagandha, Garlic, saffron are effective in treating impotence. There are many websites and books you can check to find out more about this.

Reclaiming Sex Life using VEDs
We have been married for 57 years, 45 years when diagnosed. Sex has always been very important part of our life. Here is our brief story of how I survived cancer and how we re-establish our sex life. I hope our story will encourage men and their wives/partners to realise that you don't have to give up your intimate relationship.
Sitting in the consulting room, the initial impact of the diagnosis was sheer fear of the big C, life suddenly ending, mixed with the anguish of thinking, death or no more sex? And then the notion that I would feel ‘less of a man’ perhaps. If I survived, would we fall apart without our sex life? Was this just another step down the path of ageing that we all face? Is there no way back from this point? When the consultant urologist warned us about the possibility of incontinence and/or ED our reaction was that all we wanted was for me to survive. He said, 'That's what everyone says but after the surgery you’ll feel differently'.

When I had the surgery 12 years ago we had been married for 45 years and had a passionate sex life. When I realised that I had a good chance of survival our thoughts turned to our intimate life. At the time it was a tough call because after recovery I was 99.9% continent (leaking urine only when sexually excited) and my erections were not viable really. We were determined to re-establish our sex life and through mutual love, matched libido, communication, imagination and a dose of humour, we began to establish a new normal. I realised I could orgasm without erection either by masturbating or mutual stimulation. We decided to choose the VED approach, worked out how to incorporate this technique into our love making, and the vibrator we had introduced some years previously, took a central place in our love making. Our desire to pleasure each other, the pump, the vibrator and our imagination have given our intimate life a new lease. Whilst my orgasms are different – sometimes mind blowing, sometime not much and occasionally not there – my wife’s orgasms have reached new heights because when I use the pump and put the ring on we have half an hour of mutual delight. Often my wife will orgasm and I don’t so she will help me to masturbate with a vibrator for solo orgasm which is equally pleasurable.

@pratapmehta - Welcome to Mayo Connect. I have to admit - I had to Google the meaning of VED! I, too was recommended Vacum Erection Devices to treat ED. I'm so glad it's worked for you!

Thanks for sharing such personal perspectives. The more other ED sufferers learn, the greater the chances they will find a solution that works for them.

Thanks for such great information.

Thank you. Depending on where you live the help men need to re-establish their intimate life can be insufficient or unavailable. As you say if those who have find the right solutions for them can help others by describing how and why they chose a particular approach.

But little or no mention of testosterone level !
My readings went from 500 est to 235 est in 5 years.
Of course my desire waned

What is recommended?

@nolivap99 - In my part of the world, there are medical clinics that are holistically focused. I have gone to one for years (more than 10) and periodically have them insert small time-release bio-identical testosterone pellets that help maintain my T level. I return when I start feeling either sluggish or waning libido. I usually have a new pellet every 9-12 months. Low T is a "thing" and I believe it can be managed and not ignored.

Thnx
I'll see if my GP can subscribe that...it might even be covered by my insurance

A few days ago, I went to a highly credentialed urologist. I asked if my super low free Testosterone level could be the reason I have no libido and therefore no erections. He was not helpful. He told me to see another urologist who performs penile implant surgery, as he thought that is my only option. I felt fully slighted, as the appt was finished in less than 5 minutes. Doctor attitudes towards patients on (low paying) Medicare is terrible, adding to my total frustration. I quickly asked about a suppository that is inserted in the end of the penis to produce an erection, and he dismissed its effectiveness. That's not true, is it? Do the testosterone pellets raise total blood serum testosterone level as well as increasing the free T level in the blood?

@laughlin1947 - Don't give up! It took me three docs to find an ED focused urologist who used a sonogram to diagnose restricted blood flow as the culprit. I have been using an injected solution (used prostaglandin then now Tri-mix) that works perfectly. My wife and I couldn't be happier with the result.

There are other options beyond implants. Low T doesn't help the situation but I found I needed more of a fix than that.

@noliva99 - I like your attitude. Never give up! Plus you have to be your own best advocate.

In my case, the pellets are inserted in my hip about every 9-12 months. When I start to feel sluggish, I make an appointment for a blood draw and pellet insertion. At the insertion-appointment, we check my free T and determine the dosage of the pellets. They compound the pellets right there and 20 minutes later I'm walking out. In a very few days I feel strong and vigorous again with a much improved libido.

My insurance (medicare + medi-gap) doesn't cover this. I pay $399 out of my pocket but have always been happy to do so for the benefits of raising my T.