1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Is it MCI or Dementia?

Posted by tay1 @tay1, Mar 17 1:53pm

My Significant Other and I have been together for 29 years. For as long as I have known him, he has had a poor memory. Lately he seems to have more memory lapses - doesn’t remember even recent events. His hearing is really bad too and I don’t know if he is just ignoring me, or really can’t hear. He can’t seem to focus on more than a couple things at a time. He has a cell phone and can’t remember how to do things, even though I have shown him multiple times. This has become a very real irritant to me. He gets upset with me if I ask him if I can see his phone because I don’t know what he is doing - doesn’t explain well enough. He tells me to tell him what to do on his phone and I can’t help if he won’t let me see it. Then he tells me to just show him what to do but he doesn’t remember even if I show him. I lose patience a lot! I have days where I vow to myself that I will not be impatient, and then he does or says something that triggers me and I get upset. My tone can be pretty harsh along with my facial expressions and words. I love him but he is driving me crazy. How do I learn to cope with this?! He is 84 in April. I am 78 and I have a good memory but he accuses me of not knowing what I’m talking about. Lately I feel like may be I am losing my memory and mind. In addition to all this, he walks stooped over and says he can’t stand up because his back hurts. His feet hurt. He has neuropathy. Everyday it is a new health issue. He orders every supplement he can think of or that he reads about. Sorry for the rant but I don’t know how to deal with this. We play memory card games and he is pretty good at that if he stays focused. We play ping pong almost everyday and love doing that together. And we try to walk a little everyday. I think others have noticed his decline but I am hesitant to mention my concerns and they don’t mention it either. What can I do for him?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Mar 20 3:31pm
In reply to @borcutt0825 "My husband has been diagnosed by his neurologist as having Vascular Dementia and Lewy Body Dementia...." + (show)
@borcutt0825

My husband has been diagnosed by his neurologist as having Vascular Dementia and Lewy Body Dementia. I would really like to be part of a support group for caregivers of dementia. I have so many questions. We feel like we have gotten more information and support from his PCP than his Neurologist. If there is a group on here for caregivers, I would really appreciate being able to join. Also, I just had a total right knee replacement surgery on February 22nd. I don’t see my surgeon again until April 2nd. I have some concerns and wonder if there is anyone on here dealing with knee replacement issues?
Thank you!

Jump to this post

@borcutt0825 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m so glad you found this site. Actually, the discussion you’re on and many more are part of the support group. Here is the complete list of ongoing discussions. You are free to participate in any of them!
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers-dementia/
You also asked about a group for knee replacement support. There are several under the Joint Replacements support group. Here is an example:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/total-knee-replacement-12/
I hope you’ll feel free to jump in with your questions and give suggestions.
May I ask how you found Mayo Connect?

REPLY
scupper | @scupper | Mar 20 3:44pm
In reply to @scupper "I also understand. This week feels almost normal. Some confusion and memory loss but not terrible...." + (show)
@scupper

I also understand. This week feels almost normal. Some confusion and memory loss but not terrible. Mood is stable. He is working on a jigsaw puzzle. This is a new activity that seems to hold his attention for long parts of the day and challenges thinking skills. I've set up a card table in a corner and he turns to the puzzle throughout the day. This one is hard for him but he is sticking to it. Last week was not good but I also wasn't good with my repsonses. The crankier I got the worse his "experiences" were. I am trying much harder this week to letting it go...if it isn't important or dangerous...let it go.

Jump to this post

We never did jigsaw puzzles before and I still don’t particularly enjoy them, but for some reason, he enjoys them now. I always have a different one ready to go

REPLY
ba7 | @ba7 | Mar 20 7:48pm
In reply to @frances007 "in reply @tay1 There is a very good article in last week's Epoch Times which discusses..." + (show)
@frances007

in reply @tay1 There is a very good article in last week's Epoch Times which discusses the fact that many are diagnosed with dementia, when in fact, there is something else going on. I would encourage you to find the article online and read it, and perhaps you will find some of the content useful.
best of luck

Jump to this post

Excellent article this week in Epoch Times. Also, previous week discussing medications that could possibly lead to MCD or Dementia. Excellent Mind-Body section each week.

REPLY
maryvc | @maryvc | Mar 21 7:05am
In reply to @tay1 "Thank you! How do I forgive myself every time I “blow up”?!! Already had a few..." + (show)
@tay1

Thank you! How do I forgive myself every time I “blow up”?!! Already had a few incidents today and the day hasn’t even ended. He can’t hear, for one thing. I told him he needs to see a doctor for his ears (should not have “TOLD” him, I know) and he came back with “Well, you are just mumbling”. So I talked louder, and he got angry. I have had wax buildup in my ears so I know how it feels when you can’t hear and it is not a good feeling! When that happens to me, I feel like he is mumbling. Then I wanted to order him some compression socks and he got irritated about that because he wants to try (AGAIN) the ones he bought before that he hated and gave to me. I said ok but I will order some for myself so I can see if they might work for you and he said I wasn’t listening to him. I had to walk away and scream into a blanket! God forgive me! 😢

Jump to this post

Believe me. You are forgiven. This disease and journey are hard for everyone- the caregiver and the person with it. I realize when my husband gets cranky and irritated, he is as frustrated as I am. I am learning to deescalate by stopping when I start to argue. The other day I asked if he took a shower. He told me it was none of my business. I literally burst out laughing. The way it came out was hysterical and we both laughed. Meditation helps even if it’s just a few minutes or a few breaths.

REPLY
jeanadair123 | @jeanadair123 | Mar 21 10:02am
In reply to @tay1 "Thank you for your understanding and that’s such good advice! Same here with my crankiness -..." + (show)
@tay1

Thank you for your understanding and that’s such good advice! Same here with my crankiness - makes it worse for him. The compassion we can show to one another helps so much! We are better right now and going to play ping pong in awhile. We have a lot of fun doing that together. I’m happy that your husband loves jigsaw puzzles. Wish mine did! I work them on an app on my phone.

Jump to this post

I will respond later on my way out for my walk. I went to two dementia classes but didn’t feel they were useful to me. Everyone felt the same some worst it actually made me feel worse. One thing I did learn is to hug my love of my life a lot I think that really helps. I like you have the same issues it’s happening very slowly but changes I see. Hubby also always had issues for years forgetting where he put things we used to laugh we had two of everything. He remembers things differently which I just say okay unless I feel he needs to know the correct answer he thinks about it and says you are right. He is starting to remember words and having trouble concentrating on the tv. I get irritated also but right now he has 2 severe fractured discs so he has to wear a brace that is the worst getting him not to blt
Bend lift twist 😁 he has never been diagnosed like you most people outside who he talks to don’t know him but I think the neighbors know there is a difference because he repeats things. I am sure it is mild cognitive. I’m just grateful” for the good times he says he loves me 10 times a day and does realize a change but he appreciates all I do for him. Love will get me through this if I just try and calm down and walk away. Make sure you get out and do something for yourself.
I just found out the other day that there is a site called go go grandparents they off for rides, home care etc. etc. hang in there and make sure you take time for yourself.

REPLY
1 reply
jeanadair123 | @jeanadair123 | Mar 21 10:04am

BTY my husband is 85 and I am 76.

REPLY
jeanadair123 | @jeanadair123 | Mar 21 1:12pm

If possible would someone post the article for epoch times I am not a subscriber? Thanks so much

REPLY
1 reply
tay1 | @tay1 | Mar 21 2:39pm
In reply to @jeanadair123 "If possible would someone post the article for epoch times I am not a subscriber? Thanks..." + (show)
@jeanadair123

If possible would someone post the article for epoch times I am not a subscriber? Thanks so much

Jump to this post

I can’t share a link because I am too new to the group. You might have to just do a free account and don’t subscribe to a paid one. Do a search for this once you are into Epoch Times:

Written Off: The Consequences of Dementia Misdiagnosis

I tried copying and pasting it as text here but that didn’t work either. Good luck!!

REPLY
2 replies
jeanadair123 | @jeanadair123 | Mar 21 3:00pm
In reply to @tay1 "I can’t share a link because I am too new to the group. You might have..." + (show)
@tay1

I can’t share a link because I am too new to the group. You might have to just do a free account and don’t subscribe to a paid one. Do a search for this once you are into Epoch Times:

Written Off: The Consequences of Dementia Misdiagnosis

I tried copying and pasting it as text here but that didn’t work either. Good luck!!

Jump to this post

Thanks for the effort. 😁

REPLY
Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 21 3:43pm
In reply to @tay1 "I can’t share a link because I am too new to the group. You might have..." + (show)
@tay1

I can’t share a link because I am too new to the group. You might have to just do a free account and don’t subscribe to a paid one. Do a search for this once you are into Epoch Times:

Written Off: The Consequences of Dementia Misdiagnosis

I tried copying and pasting it as text here but that didn’t work either. Good luck!!

Jump to this post

@tay1, I noticed that you wished to post a URL to an article with your post for @jeanadair123. You will be able to add URLs to your posts in a few days. There is a brief period where new members can't post links. We do this to deter spammers and keep the community safe.

Please allow me to post it for you:
https://www.theepochtimes.com/health/written-off-the-consequences-of-dementia-misdiagnosis-5588744

REPLY
1 reply
View MoreView Less
Please sign in or register to post a reply.