Dealing with a spouse who has profound hearing loss.

Hi leeda5,
If your spouse will not go... that is his choice... we all make decisions about our lives. Whether or not you make this transition together or not, does not change the face that you, yourself, have been through a great deal of stress! This would benefit greatly from some formnif input/ therapy/ self-help group.
Plz read Julie's comment about her journey. Having support in a safe environment is priceless, and will impact you for good no matter which direction your life takes. Can you contact or go to any of these groups, conferences that Julie is mentioning?
Finding others who understand is beyond strengthening for you.
Maybe just a phone call maybe helpful in getting you in touch with the right folk.
At this point, your own self care is your first priority ... and no, that is not selfish. You are building a new road forward; and that needs a strong foundation!
It starts with baby steps... so take just one!
Let us know how you are doing.
We are here for you!
All the best!

Julie,

Thank you for all that you do and have done since the beginning of HLAA/SSHH. I think we met at last year's Convention. I've been involved for about 10 years in SE PA (hello to @leeda5) and feel better about myself every year as I am able to reach more people who are like I was 10 years ago - clueless, knew no one with hearing loss, and an Audi who just wanted to sell the latest HA being pushed by her Rep. Now I am giving presentations at Retirement Communities on various topics. Next month it is on "The Early Signs of Hearing Loss - When Is It Time To Get Help". The idea for the topic was actually Hearing spouses who are struggling so much with HL spouses. Our Chapter is also presenting a Hybrid meeting March 14 on "The Impact of Hearing Loss on Daily Life" which will include discussions on the psychosocial aspects of HL.

BTW your image came through very clearly. The SE PA HLAA Chapters are doing a similar One Day Conference outside of Phila. on 4/13. We have Barbara Kelley, Exec. Director of HLAA speaking as well as Tina Childress, who I see is talking at yours. These small conferences are a great way to get information, but most importantly get a chance to meet others who are going through, or have gone through, whatever hearing issues you might need help with. If anyone on this blog is within 2 hours of Philly they should try to attend. Last year's was very successful and fun.

BTW I just read your little book you and your granddaughter published. It was so well done - very Plain English and easy to read with a simple message throughout.

Good luck with your conference. Wish I was closer to WI, but hopefully I see you in AZ in June.

MikeM

Yep...Phoenix in June sounds hot doesn't it? Last year it was in New Orleans! Thank heavens for air conditioning!! Every national HLAA convention is spectacular. There is so much to learn about hearing loss and how it affects people. HLAA provides that opportunity. You can see by Mikepa's response that smaller events are held in many other places. HLAA chapters are all run by volunteers. No paid staff and fundraising by chance for the most part. It's pretty amazing to realize how much they can do though. Phoenix in June will work for many.

@mikepa Thank you for the kind words. Yes, we did meet last summer. It was kind of a crazy convention for me as my 2 granddaughters and my daughter all came along. They decided we needed a 'girl's trip'! Those conventions are always special. It was really cool for them to all see why HLAA means so much to me.

Mike, I'm impressed by how well your chapter is doing. Congratulations. Good luck with your conference. Barbara Kelly was at the one we held in 2019. She did a terrific job. It really helps to bring some of the well-known presenters into areas outside the D.C. area. Not everyone can go to the national conventions.

If time allows, I may try to connect to your hybrid format at your conference. I'm not going to be able to make the 2024 convention in Phoenix. Hate to miss it. I've attended 29 of them over the years and learn something new every time. Just can't be in two places at once. I owe this summer to family! 🙂

Glad you enjoyed our book. It was fun to put together. The story is true, and it was fun to write and reminisce on how it was when our granddaughter was growing up. She really figured me out! "Can She Hear This Cat's Meow" was a labor of love. Still available on Amazon.

Julie

Hi everyone,

I've been following this thread with interest & wanted to jump in. I read all of the postings that come through in the daily digest but don't post often. For the last 20 years I've worked as a Teacher of Students with Blindness/Low Vision & Certified Orientation & Mobility (O&M) Specialist for the Blind. I'm also hard of hearing. I began experiencing hearing loss about 7 years ago.

While I teach a long list of skills to my students (braille, long white cane skills, assistive technology, etc.) one of the most important skills I teach them is self-advocacy! Once I began experiencing my hearing loss I knew I would need to take many of the skills that are easy to teach my students with blindness & apply them to myself as someone with hearing loss! It's interesting because I can easily name 15 resources/advocacy groups for people with blindness that I share with my students & their families along their journey in the area of vision loss, but had been having difficulty finding that many resources for people with hearing loss to support my own journey in the area of hearing loss!

A few people have mentioned HLAA meetings--definitely worth checking to see if there's one in your area! My Seattle-area monthly group typically meets online too early in the afternoon for me join regularly since I'm still teaching at that time, but I definitely take advantage of attending their virtual meetings & events when I can.

A resource that I haven't seen mentioned by anyone yet is the book that came out in 2022 called "Hear & Beyond--Living Skillfully with Hearing Loss" by Shari Eberts & Gael Hannan. A review on the cover of the book calls it "The ultimate survival guide to living well with hearing loss" & it's packed with lots of great information!

In my own search to becoming the best hard-of-hearing teacher of blind students that I could be, I finally came across a class a year ago that has been a game-changer! I live in the Seattle area, & the Vancouver Community College out of Vancouver, Canada has an online course called "Living Successfully with Hearing Loss." The class meets virtually (weekly sessions for 1.5 hours each,) & last year, I became their first international student. It's a 12-week course that covers a different topic each week. After completing the Level 1 class, I immediately signed up for Level 2. When I took Level 2, however, there were only 3 of us in the class last year, so I'm currently taking Level 2 again right now. There are 6 of us so there are more opportunities for interactions, brainstorming sessions, & being able to practice the skills that we're learning together. The courses are taught by an Audiologist, & last month she & I met to brainstorm ideas for a Level 3 course, which she's in the process of developing, so I'm thrilled that a more advanced class is in the works! The instructor invites & encourages not only people with hearing loss to register for the class, but their spouses or other family members to sign up for the class as well.

I have yet to find a class or set of classes in the States similar to these. As a teacher, I'm constantly taking Professional Development classes to support my students, so I've really loved taking different kind of PD classes (Personal Development!) to support my own well-being! I believe Lisa, the Audiologist who teaches these courses, mentioned that she will NOT be teaching spring 2024 classes so that she can focus on creating the Level 3 course materials, but I would still recommend checking out the VCC website to keep tabs on when the classes will be offered again in the future, if you're interested. The main page to the Vancouver Community College website is https://www.vcc.ca/

Here's the description of the Level 1 Class from the VCC website:
"This course promotes skill development and attitudinal change towards communicating with a hearing loss. Participants, including individuals who have hearing loss and their partners, reflect on how hearing loss impacts communication. The course allows the students the opportunity to create more effective personal communication, to identify and select communication strategies and tools, to increase self-confidence levels, and to learn to self-advocate. The students practice speechreading; they detect differences in mouth movements, discriminate and identify visual aspects of speech, and incorporate visual information with what they hear with the goal of improving personal communication."

Learning to change my attitude & focus on communication strategies with regard to my hearing loss has been so beneficial after taking these classes. I think one of the reasons I was tempted to post here was after seeing the initial title of this thread: "Dealing with a Spouse..." Every time this thread pops up in my inbox, I cringe a tiny bit because my first thought goes to attitudes, advocacy, & strategies around communication that we've talked about in class. Instead of trying to "deal with someone with hearing loss," wouldn't it be helpful if we reframed that to something along the lines of "supporting someone with hearing loss?" I think every single one of us, with hearing loss or not, would prefer to be "supported" rather than "dealt with" by our friends & family, & anyone else we need to communicate with as we go through life!

Zach, you might be interested in a book entitled "Becoming Hearing Empowered" which was recently written by a teacher of deaf and HoH students. It is available on Amazon.

Oh yes, that’s another great book! The author also has an Etsy shop where she sells other fun items in addition to her book!
~~Sara

Sara/zach, Thank you for your suggestions. I will check out the course - sounds great.

Wonderful post, thank you! I live in the Hawaiian Islands and there is very little available for people who are losing their hearing. I’ll explore the items mentioned. I have a spouse who makes it clear they’re frustrated having to “deal with” my sudden hearing loss. On the one hand I understand that he lost his mother last year and her hearing loss and sudden dementia was frustrating to him But this is heartbreaking to me. No-one else I know is in my situation, and the otolaryngologist I is surgery oriented and not very interested in my case. I won’t give up looking far and wide for the support I need, and I am very grateful for the support you folks are giving today!!

Sorry for the delay in responding. I do not think that he is a candidate for a cochlear implant because he has also had a stroke which delays his auditory processing. He does see an audiologist faithfully and has been pickly about finding a good one, and a cochlear implant has never been suggested. He is a former engineer and has tried various devices and gadgets. He just bought a Roger, which has been remarkably helpful.

The difficult thing is that he's just given up. Trying to engage in conversations is draining.
Socializing is impossible. That leaves me in a real quandry. How can the two of us peacefully coexist? I am not nearly ready to hang up my hat.