For those of us without family - Who will take care of you ?

Hello to all,

The weekend is over and Monday is underway….there was the usual morning anxiety 😬 with what seemed to be many things racing across my mind that urgently needed taking care of…That’s just a terrible feeling…then it subsided..the one thing that needs to be taken care of is my wife’s dental work…an appointment needs to be made with another dental implant center…once that’s done, I’ll feel better…I will do the mall walk and be grateful for what I can still do thanks to this now almost a year old THR….it’s a nice place to go to walk and to wave to merchants and see the various sights…. I hope all here a happy day and night…it’s nice here…🙏 pvctom

I’ve been in the assisted living industry for decades, and wish to remain at home with assist. I wouldn’t consider asst. living facility unless absolutely imperative. While these businesses provide a needed service, they are a business…. And as such, will cut staff when budget dictates, food quality will lessen when they need to, and quality of care will suffer due to large turnover in staff. Even the best of the best will do this. The only alternative if living in an AL facility if you get too heavy care, or fall more than three times, is to hire private care in order to stay. That becomes very expensive.

Hence, my original question of “who will oversee our care when we can no longer manage”?

Well .....when you can no longer take care of yourself and live alone...then assisted living is the only answer....if you can afford it....or private care IF you can afford it.

There may come a day when I need assisted living. Even if the facility is first rate, an introvert like me would hate it unless my dementia was too far gone to care. Luckily I have resources and supportive family to avoid it until absolutely necessary.

Hello to all,

We had the next door neighbor to us fall in her home and saw many ambulances come late at night or anytime..she was in her 90’s and her son in law and daughter would come by and help her…she eventually had to go to an Assisted Living facility…she was there only shortly when she passed…I agree with the response from ginger123 and the facts of the matter that were laid out…it is a scary scenario no matter what your resources may be…I wake up with thoughts concerning this every morning and I can’t let it overwhelm me…thanks to all
who share here..🙏 pvctom

Hello to all

The morning anxiety came and went..we had to get going for a Telemed early a.m. then Retina follow up for my wife…tomorrow we venture to Glen Allen for some extensive dental work for her..our mail (5 bills) (which I handed to the postal carrier in his truck and which I watched him put in the white plastic box on the floor of the truck) on the 15th of Feb have not cleared yet…we’re going to give it till Friday then we’ll have to stop payment on 5 checks..fortunately we don’t have to pay for this…the point to this is —maybe just coincidence but my dreaded PVCs started to come back…they can be bothersome at night, after a meal or random phenomenon, as one of my dearest late Cardiologist once explained to me...these blasted things have pestered and scared me for decades…been down many tests, cardiologists and GI specialists because of these…it’s amazing how they can go on for months then for some inexplicable reason subside for weeks, months…this is something that I have a problem coping with mentally…you would think after all these years I would be able to deal with them better…I opt for peace and serenity whenever I can get it…thanks to all who come here..🙏 pvctom

from TIAA...

How to choose an executor for your estate
https://www.tiaa.org/public/learn/life-milestones/how-to-choose-an-executor-for-your-estate#:~:text=Given%20the%20magnitude%20of%20the,other%20property%20more%20sensitively%20than
Generally, I think there must be a good amount of published material about this issue, in both articles and books.

Maybe find an expert you like and see what they have to say.

My wife likes Susie Orman. I have heard a couple of her talks. She does make sense to me, but I am not an expert.

excerpt from the TIAA article above:

"For those who don't have an obvious choice, there is the possibility of using a corporate fiduciary. The use of a corporate trustee can provide your estate with an unbiased third-party decision maker and a professional investment manager. Such an executor would require compensation, however (professional fees may be based on a percentage of the value of your estate), while a family member may elect to serve without compensation—particularly if he or she is also a beneficiary of the estate."

Sleeping with your father

I benefitted greatly from a book called The End-of-Life Handbook by Feldman and Lasher. It is available from Amazon. It is available virtually from my public library.

There is a conversation about the End-of-Life Handbook on SmartPatients.com. Search for “ Book Club” to find it. We read one chapter a week and added our comments. I learned so much from others.