1. < Aging Well

For those of us without family - Who will take care of you ?

Posted by ginger123 @ginger123, Feb 18 9:28am

As I age, not having children or close family, I’m beginning to ask myself who will see to my care, when I can no longer take care of myself. And, who should I name in my Will to be executor….. I don’t want to burden friends, as I have a complicated estate. And friends my age have their own challenges..

I’m fortunate to have financial resources, but no children or close family. I’d like to get things in order while I’m still healthy. May I have your ideas?

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degarden_girl | @degarden_girl | Feb 23 12:41pm

I wouldn't discount distant relatives. I was executor for a friend who lived in Dallas and I live in NYS. It required a couple of trips but very do-able. Talk to family and you might be surprised at who steps up to help you.

Donna

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thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Feb 23 12:51pm
In reply to @beryl2 "For ginger123 We have a 90 year old friend unmarried and no children who got to..." + (show)
@beryl2

For ginger123
We have a 90 year old friend unmarried and no children who got to know her young financial advisor and his wife before she needed help. She asked him to become her executor and since then he has helped her through rehab and then with caregivers at home. She held a good job in the OMB is still mentally fine but has mobility issues and macular degeneration. Whether she pays him for his help (he and his wife have become good friends) I don’t know (I presume so). She has a group if friends that visit and the daily caregivers take her grocery shopping but he is available whenever a big decision needs to be made.

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A financial advisor is not an attorney. Your friend needs either a will or trust. If she is still mentally fine she can write her own Will, which is called a holographic will. It needs to be in your own handwriting, dated and signed. During my employment, we probated a 3" by 5" card which was admitted by a probate judge because it met all those requirements.

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1 reply
beryl2 | @beryl2 | Feb 23 7:12pm

She has all the legal stuff and is very organised with bequests etc.. This young man helped to sleuth out rehab places and helps her in practical ways like a family member or friend would.

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ginger123 | @ginger123 | Feb 24 8:44am
In reply to @beryl2 "For ginger123 We have a 90 year old friend unmarried and no children who got to..." + (show)
@beryl2

For ginger123
We have a 90 year old friend unmarried and no children who got to know her young financial advisor and his wife before she needed help. She asked him to become her executor and since then he has helped her through rehab and then with caregivers at home. She held a good job in the OMB is still mentally fine but has mobility issues and macular degeneration. Whether she pays him for his help (he and his wife have become good friends) I don’t know (I presume so). She has a group if friends that visit and the daily caregivers take her grocery shopping but he is available whenever a big decision needs to be made.

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Your friend is very fortunate!

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Kim Webb | @mrjohnwebb | Feb 24 9:44am
In reply to @bunnybear "@ginger123 You can just ask at your bank to add a POD (pay on death) beneficiary...." + (show)
@bunnybear

@ginger123 You can just ask at your bank to add a POD (pay on death) beneficiary. Then the bank will pay the proceeds of your account, safe deposit box and/or other assets to that person or person(s). If a safe deposit box, be sure to leave notice of where the key is!

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All your financial institutions can do the same. Sometimes it is called a “TOD” or transfer on death.

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annchristiansen2623 | @annchristiansen2623 | Feb 24 2:09pm
In reply to @nemo1 "We are looking into long term care insurance. Taking care of MIL showed me how much..." + (show)
@nemo1

We are looking into long term care insurance. Taking care of MIL showed me how much we need it. It’s not just the day to day care it’s the nursing care required that runs into unreal expense. She is home and it’s not feasible long term (sadly) but we are doing what we can while we can. Being in a flare up I can’t do what I’ve done. So it puts more pressure on my guy to establish meals, scheduling care, etc, etc. So you are doing the right thing looking into it now. I’ve heard putting someone on the hcp who is not emotionally invested so when it comes time to do what needs to be done, they can make the decisions per hcp with less upset…then again, its a personal choice. All the best.

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Be sure to read the fine print. Our Bishop's mother who has paid for long term care insurance all these years wound up in assisted living and the LTC insuance wouldn't pay a dime.

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2 replies
annchristiansen2623 | @annchristiansen2623 | Feb 24 2:13pm
In reply to @thisismarilynb "A financial advisor is not an attorney. Your friend needs either a will or trust. If..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

A financial advisor is not an attorney. Your friend needs either a will or trust. If she is still mentally fine she can write her own Will, which is called a holographic will. It needs to be in your own handwriting, dated and signed. During my employment, we probated a 3" by 5" card which was admitted by a probate judge because it met all those requirements.

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Our attorney told us we didn't need a will if we have beneficiaries on all accounts. Have a lady bird deed on our house. Have signed our titles on the cars but named no buyer until our death it can be filled in. As far as tractors, jewelry, and other possesions, we were told to write on a piece of paper in our own handwriting who we want things to go to and just sign and date it. Now we are in Michigan so I'm sure the laws in other states will differ.

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1 reply
gravity3 | @gravity3 | Feb 25 6:03am
In reply to @annchristiansen2623 "Be sure to read the fine print. Our Bishop's mother who has paid for long term..." + (show)
@annchristiansen2623

Be sure to read the fine print. Our Bishop's mother who has paid for long term care insurance all these years wound up in assisted living and the LTC insuance wouldn't pay a dime.

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Yes, my dear friend had to fight like heck to get the. Benefits she was promised. Beware!

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popcorn369 | @popcorn369 | Feb 25 7:20pm
In reply to @annchristiansen2623 "Be sure to read the fine print. Our Bishop's mother who has paid for long term..." + (show)
@annchristiansen2623

Be sure to read the fine print. Our Bishop's mother who has paid for long term care insurance all these years wound up in assisted living and the LTC insuance wouldn't pay a dime.

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My mother paid into long term care also... for years. She is now in assisted living and we are having problems getting them to pay! So unfortunate. I consider the elder abuse.

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cindisue | @cindisue | Feb 26 10:21am

You are lucky to have "financial resources" Maybe you can afford one of those nice but pricey assisted living homes....very nice and they provide everything. Meals, care, and medical nurses on staff

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