Does anyone feel old and useless with age?

Posted by sally12345 @sally12345, Sep 13, 2023

Hi, I'm almost 64.. I'm feeling old and useless. My strength isn't good anymore. Like it used to be mainly side effects of meds. My health is poor with cvsd. Osteoporosis, poor circulation, hearing , eyesight, you name it's going. I always took care of myself. Now I've gotten older and everything's wrong, my grandkids don't a want me around and they are little still. No friends to talk with or do things with. Why is it we spend our lifetime taking care of family. Loving friends to end up , old and tired. Useless.

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@navypatriot2024

I was forced out of the workforce by an on-the-job-injury. I was a professional pilot for 42 years and was very active traveling all over the world with a pretty hectic lifestyle. I had multiple hobbies and a very active social life. When I injured my back, the slow physical decline along with multiple surgeries caused me to eventually fail my FAA flight physical. All of the pilot certificates and ratings in the world are absolutely useless without a valid medical certificate. I was grounded in the space of about two years from date of injury and eventually was medically retired from my dream job of a lifetime. Of course depression set in and at first it was mild. After about 6 months it because overwhelming causing me to seek out a mental health doctor. He diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). Having an actual name for my depression validated my emotions, but did nothing to alleviate my condition. When I went out I no longer had a uniform indicating my profession for all to see. Instead, I wore a tee-shirt and baggy pants. Everywhere I went I felt invisible. Being in my 60's many younger people scurried around me (being more agile) to get to the front of checkout lines because they actually had a schedule and a JOB! Because I was unable to do the hobbies I once enjoyed (SCUBA, etc.), I decided to use my life experience to help younger people who were struggling with academics. I also help veterans apply for their disability benefits from the Veterans Administration (VA). And, I volunteer as a poll worker during national elections. Bottom line... I had to switch gears and get in the right mindset, quit my "pity-party" and redirect my energy into helping others. Hope this helps someone!

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@navypatriot2024
I love your story. When your identity revolved around your job / career and that is gone due to age, disability, retirement, layoffs, etc… an import of you is gone.

I was workaholic, so limited social activities and no hobbies, never had time. Even when I retired, still found myself looking at job sites because felt I should be working.

Took long time (and depression) to finally shift my focus, accept that there is life after my career and do something about.

I look for local social activities I can attend by myself, attend lot of lecture to continue learning, volunteer at local hospital, participate in Mayo Connect , help older neighbors and other misc things that keeps me from isolation.

The "high" I got from my career is replaced by a smile when can help someone else.

Thank you for what you're doing for veterans.

Laurie

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@navypatriot2024

I was forced out of the workforce by an on-the-job-injury. I was a professional pilot for 42 years and was very active traveling all over the world with a pretty hectic lifestyle. I had multiple hobbies and a very active social life. When I injured my back, the slow physical decline along with multiple surgeries caused me to eventually fail my FAA flight physical. All of the pilot certificates and ratings in the world are absolutely useless without a valid medical certificate. I was grounded in the space of about two years from date of injury and eventually was medically retired from my dream job of a lifetime. Of course depression set in and at first it was mild. After about 6 months it because overwhelming causing me to seek out a mental health doctor. He diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). Having an actual name for my depression validated my emotions, but did nothing to alleviate my condition. When I went out I no longer had a uniform indicating my profession for all to see. Instead, I wore a tee-shirt and baggy pants. Everywhere I went I felt invisible. Being in my 60's many younger people scurried around me (being more agile) to get to the front of checkout lines because they actually had a schedule and a JOB! Because I was unable to do the hobbies I once enjoyed (SCUBA, etc.), I decided to use my life experience to help younger people who were struggling with academics. I also help veterans apply for their disability benefits from the Veterans Administration (VA). And, I volunteer as a poll worker during national elections. Bottom line... I had to switch gears and get in the right mindset, quit my "pity-party" and redirect my energy into helping others. Hope this helps someone!

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@navypatriot2024 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. Finding purpose in where we are in our lives is so important. It can be different for each of us, and it really sounds like you have figured out what brings value to you!

Thank you for sharing your story.
Ginger

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I’m turning 60 in a few months, and I’ve had that useless feeling when I was forced to retire. I’m not very mobile at the moment, so I started using the computer to get to know people. I’ve meet a few people who have the same interests as myself, and we get together on the computer and have lunch every Tuesday, and just shoot the breeze. When it comes to having people assist you, there are programs out there to have help come to you. All you have to do is ask, and fill out forms. Hope this gives you some ideas.

OregonMike

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Here's what I have learned since having a stroke five years ago:

I am not likely to "recover" in the classic sense that I will regain full use of my right side.

However, there had to an alternative to just giving in.

I moved beyond recovery to discovery -- I had to learn what I could still do, or learn to do given my limitations.

It's a struggle, but I discovered along the way that people find my story inspirational, so I have focused on spreading that message to others.

So far, my success has been limited, but I keep trying. I'm not trying to make money (yet), just help.

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I was absolutely astounded when I read that people in their 60's feel old and useless. I am 89 years old and certainly do not feel that way. I worked until age 67. I was a racewalker since the 1980's despite having a full-time job and a family to look after. I continued after my retirement until I wore out a hip and had it replaced. With the help of a wonderful housekeeper who comes once a month to do the heavy cleaning I take care of myself, which includes the laundry, trying to cook healthy meals and driving to wherever I need to go. I certainly do not feel my age nor helpless. As I approach my 90th birthday I realize that I will have to slow down because the body itself slows down, but I will continue to do all I am capable of doing.

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@oregonmike

I’m turning 60 in a few months, and I’ve had that useless feeling when I was forced to retire. I’m not very mobile at the moment, so I started using the computer to get to know people. I’ve meet a few people who have the same interests as myself, and we get together on the computer and have lunch every Tuesday, and just shoot the breeze. When it comes to having people assist you, there are programs out there to have help come to you. All you have to do is ask, and fill out forms. Hope this gives you some ideas.

OregonMike

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@oregonmike Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. You live in an area where there is lots to do, and having the university closeby, there are many opportunities for activities for everyone! Hopefully you did not suffer too badly with the recent ice storm.

The pandemic and resulting isolation has certainly been instrumental in getting people to turn to computer meeting platforms, most notably Zoom. That really has become popular. I'm glad to read you have a group to meet with each week. Are you going to get together in person one of these days?
Ginger

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@thisismarilynb

I was absolutely astounded when I read that people in their 60's feel old and useless. I am 89 years old and certainly do not feel that way. I worked until age 67. I was a racewalker since the 1980's despite having a full-time job and a family to look after. I continued after my retirement until I wore out a hip and had it replaced. With the help of a wonderful housekeeper who comes once a month to do the heavy cleaning I take care of myself, which includes the laundry, trying to cook healthy meals and driving to wherever I need to go. I certainly do not feel my age nor helpless. As I approach my 90th birthday I realize that I will have to slow down because the body itself slows down, but I will continue to do all I am capable of doing.

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That's great. My mom lived to be 96. She was never old , she always said you are as old as you feel. Don't let anyone tell you any different...She never seems old , strong woman. I wish I could be just like her....it among many wAs good advice.

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@sisyphus

Hi Margaret ob
Fellow approaching 80, too. Lived thru three real ups and downs in life. So far without any meds, surgeries, tests bcause I suppose I've tried to Live Life first in all its areas of interest to humans starting with playful exertions rather than that strange word 'exercise' eating with full attention to taste and feel and smell and it resulting in good restful sleep and having my thoughts (expectations, feelings, attitudes, goals...) whetted out with a good dose of what life really is -- no certainties, lots of surprises in worklife, family, friendships, neighbors and nations. Likely with this attitude, I have ended up mostly medical troubles-free
and most of all Looking Forward to what I'd Want to do next day/week or year. Some call it Purposeful life.

Actually purpose seems to be the most critical factor in our lives-with-no-guarantees. Patrick Hill of Washington State univ of St Louis has done studies going back to decades.
Good luck in this sometimes hard but always surprising universe!

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I have to say I am not really interested in feeling or being useful. I am almost 76.

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@bea4me

A lot of good suggestions have been offered and many work well. Having been a business woman from the age of 20, in retirement I found I needed a purpose in life in addition to enjoying finally being retired @ 65. I live by myself with 2 precious kitties who light up my life every day. Pets are wonderful mood boosters. Early in my retirement I submitted an application to join the Senior Advisory Board @ my local city. They plan activities for the city's seniors (most are free), have fairs during the year, day trips, dances, hobby & exercise classes, Bingo, movies, a book club, lunches, etc. I was so happy that I was successful in being appointed to the Board and served on it for 16 yrs. In doing something that enlivens other seniors' lives made mine even better! I would encourage seniors to visit their city's senior centers or those of other cities nearby and make new friends & attend events & games. I've been told by many of our seniors that they have made wonderful friendships at the center and support has always been there when life problems happen. One lady I am friends with recently lost her husband and was getting very depressed but was not leaving her home. I encouraged her to return to the senior center where she had friends & she did. She's doing much better now. Over the years I've made many good friends who are a big part of my life. Hope you'll look into a senior center at a city near you. If you don't drive, most have bus service to and from the center.

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How do you find a senior center in Tucson,AZ like the the one you joined?

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@dinkar44

How do you find a senior center in Tucson,AZ like the the one you joined?

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@dinkar44 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I did a quick google search and came up with this link for you to use: https://www.tucsonaz.gov/Departments/Parks-and-Recreation/Classes-and-Programs/Senior-Programs

If you click on the "dedicated senior centers" prompt, it can give you a lot of information! I bet you'll find something there you can look into!
Ginger

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