Thank you so much... I'm blessed ...
But I love so much that leaving his is like separating a mother from her child. And now he realizes his mistake and is suffering for it. What should be done now?
I would consider reading "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck. I've been where you are before and I totally empathize. I came to a point in my life where I simply had enough of my insecurity and making the man in my life more important than me. It is not easy to disengage. But, I chose to work on myself, complete the goal I had been thinking about for a long time (achieving a masters degree). Take action. Focus on yourself. You deserve good people who bring you joy, not heartache. Know that.
You known each other just over a year. Sounds like you are depressed because of his behavior. You both are young it also sounds like. Don't tie each other down just yet.
Your fear of being alone is greater than your self-protection, and insecurity is overwhelming your awareness. Trust me, this guy will drag you down straight to hell if you give him the opportunity, and he will take every opportunity you give him -- and then some.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you need to face reality. The pain you feel now is nothing compared to the pain you'll be feeling later, after years of this guy's behavior.
Rusty,
I've been where you are. I felt so lonely, rather hopeless and absolutely powerless to change my sitation. A horrible and dark place to be. I made a decision to go to ANY LENGTH to feel better, more normal. Based upon my past history with recovery from alcoholism, I understood that this process was going to take time. I am not a patient person, and because of dark place in which I found myself, patience was even more challenging.
After I stated to heal physically, I went over the edge with extremely intense anxiety and feelings of panic, 24/7! Much like PTSD. I was in that state, every second of every day for well over a month. I did everything I could think of to get some relief. I started doing some quiet meditation (30 minutes/day), got an online therapist, went to 5-6 AA meetings/week, seriously prayed to my Higher Power, got in touch with another cancer survivor who had a very similar type of cancer, including treatment. He was good at putting things into a different perspective. I learned about this through a national cancer support organization you can find online. I also experienced a sensory deprivation tank. I loved it!
So, never give up hope, pray for guidance daily, start looking for opportunities and "gifts" placed before you. Try stay in the moment, even if painful, remember discipline, persistence and never, ever give up.
A fellow survivor.
Jon
Ten years ago my illness, or the treatments for my illness, forced my wife to leave me after twenty years. It was an ugly situation and she took our children with her. I have had no contact with any of them for the last ten years.
I am broken beyond words. I feel alone and lost to myself. I am out of breath with grief everyday, all day. Most days I simply wish my life would come to an end. A psychiatrist once asked me why I hold on to the grief? I hold onto the grief because it is all I have! I have been told to try to move on and make a new life; I cannot.
I love my ex-wife and my children. That love was never conditional. It doesn't matter if they love me or not; I love them. So, my lot in life for now is to want what I can not have. To hope for what might seem hopeless. And to love people who may not love me. So be it!
This is how I cope:
I drag myself out of bed each day at 6:00am and eat a nutritious breakfast.
I go to the gym and exercise everyday.
I go to my office and work on projects that I hope will help people.
I am writing a book with the hope of setting the record straight and if not that, as a love letter to my children.
I eat a nutritious lunch.
I work until 4:00pm
I eat dinner a nutritious dinner at 5:00pm
I read and watch some television until 9:00pm when I go to bed.
I take my medication as prescribed even though I'm not sure whether it helps me or makes things worse.
I meet with my therapist weekly.
I have breakfast with my one friend every Saturday.
I meet with my psych provider every two weeks.
I pay my bills and give what I can to charity.
I try to be nice to everyone I come in contact with.
Most days I don't want to live. I also don't want to cause my children more trauma by killing myself. So, I make this plan for my life so I don't have to think about what I am going to do. There is nothing I really want to do other than reunite with my family. But what do I have to offer them if I am not healed.
So I keep on despite my desire not to. Not having to think about what I am going to do makes it easier to function through my tears.
I hope you, and all who suffer, find peace in your life.
I was in a relationship for 1 year 5 months after a year he cheated on me , and this I found out he lied to me too ,,, he wanted a chance I forgave him and gave him another chance but now he feels very guilty , He feels he is a bad person and suffering for what he has done wrong to me he says he doesn't need to live anymore he feels very guilty he thinks he doesn't deserve me or I deserve someone better than him he says distance me from him Should be maintained but I can't leave him because I love him so much and there is no way to convince him because his mistake was so horrible that it is killing me too. What should be done now?
@pihu2024 seems to me he wants to have his cake and eat it too. By keeping a distance, he can maintain his relationship with you and have someone else on the side without your knowing it.
Much as you feel you love him, I would suggest you make a clean break. It is going to be very painful, but I promise you, you will get over him in time, and you will meet someone who values you! I have been there - thought I could never love another man after I made the very painful decision to break off with him. Hurt for quite a while, but was in love again - a few times, till I met and married my husband. We have been together for 44 years and have three wonderful children and one adored and adorable granddaughter.
Rip off that Bandaid, cry ouch! Then move on, not looking back! You got this!
Ten years ago my illness, or the treatments for my illness, forced my wife to leave me after twenty years. It was an ugly situation and she took our children with her. I have had no contact with any of them for the last ten years.
I am broken beyond words. I feel alone and lost to myself. I am out of breath with grief everyday, all day. Most days I simply wish my life would come to an end. A psychiatrist once asked me why I hold on to the grief? I hold onto the grief because it is all I have! I have been told to try to move on and make a new life; I cannot.
I love my ex-wife and my children. That love was never conditional. It doesn't matter if they love me or not; I love them. So, my lot in life for now is to want what I can not have. To hope for what might seem hopeless. And to love people who may not love me. So be it!
This is how I cope:
I drag myself out of bed each day at 6:00am and eat a nutritious breakfast.
I go to the gym and exercise everyday.
I go to my office and work on projects that I hope will help people.
I am writing a book with the hope of setting the record straight and if not that, as a love letter to my children.
I eat a nutritious lunch.
I work until 4:00pm
I eat dinner a nutritious dinner at 5:00pm
I read and watch some television until 9:00pm when I go to bed.
I take my medication as prescribed even though I'm not sure whether it helps me or makes things worse.
I meet with my therapist weekly.
I have breakfast with my one friend every Saturday.
I meet with my psych provider every two weeks.
I pay my bills and give what I can to charity.
I try to be nice to everyone I come in contact with.
Most days I don't want to live. I also don't want to cause my children more trauma by killing myself. So, I make this plan for my life so I don't have to think about what I am going to do. There is nothing I really want to do other than reunite with my family. But what do I have to offer them if I am not healed.
So I keep on despite my desire not to. Not having to think about what I am going to do makes it easier to function through my tears.
I hope you, and all who suffer, find peace in your life.
You are fighting the good fight. Take pride in that. You can only control you and you’re succeeding! Hopefully others will notice. Stay positive let your fight define you.
I’m in a nursing home with severe neuropathy unable to walk anymore and have no family and some times cry all night from pain and loneliness. I sometimes wonder if I’m beyond help or if I can just find someone to talk to. I wonder if anyone else has it progressing over 40 years.
I’m in a nursing home with severe neuropathy unable to walk anymore and have no family and some times cry all night from pain and loneliness. I sometimes wonder if I’m beyond help or if I can just find someone to talk to. I wonder if anyone else has it progressing over 40 years.
Foxylloyd, I am so sorry you are in that situation.
Are you able to get out at all?
Since you are able get online, do you at least interact with others via social media?
Can you share your experiences with others, on Mayo Connect, for example? There are many people here asking questions that you may be able to help with.
I know that helping others reduces my own sense of isolation.
Here's a way you can help me. Have a look at my YouTube channel videos about my stroke recovery. I would appreciate your comments and insights. https://www.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos
Thank you.
Connect
Connect
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Thank you so much... I'm blessed ...
But I love so much that leaving his is like separating a mother from her child. And now he realizes his mistake and is suffering for it. What should be done now?
Thank you so much 🙏 I'm blessed...
You known each other just over a year. Sounds like you are depressed because of his behavior. You both are young it also sounds like. Don't tie each other down just yet.
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1 ReactionI'll say it again: Get rid of him.
Your fear of being alone is greater than your self-protection, and insecurity is overwhelming your awareness. Trust me, this guy will drag you down straight to hell if you give him the opportunity, and he will take every opportunity you give him -- and then some.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you need to face reality. The pain you feel now is nothing compared to the pain you'll be feeling later, after years of this guy's behavior.
-
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Hug
6 ReactionsRusty,
I've been where you are. I felt so lonely, rather hopeless and absolutely powerless to change my sitation. A horrible and dark place to be. I made a decision to go to ANY LENGTH to feel better, more normal. Based upon my past history with recovery from alcoholism, I understood that this process was going to take time. I am not a patient person, and because of dark place in which I found myself, patience was even more challenging.
After I stated to heal physically, I went over the edge with extremely intense anxiety and feelings of panic, 24/7! Much like PTSD. I was in that state, every second of every day for well over a month. I did everything I could think of to get some relief. I started doing some quiet meditation (30 minutes/day), got an online therapist, went to 5-6 AA meetings/week, seriously prayed to my Higher Power, got in touch with another cancer survivor who had a very similar type of cancer, including treatment. He was good at putting things into a different perspective. I learned about this through a national cancer support organization you can find online. I also experienced a sensory deprivation tank. I loved it!
So, never give up hope, pray for guidance daily, start looking for opportunities and "gifts" placed before you. Try stay in the moment, even if painful, remember discipline, persistence and never, ever give up.
A fellow survivor.
Jon
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Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsTen years ago my illness, or the treatments for my illness, forced my wife to leave me after twenty years. It was an ugly situation and she took our children with her. I have had no contact with any of them for the last ten years.
I am broken beyond words. I feel alone and lost to myself. I am out of breath with grief everyday, all day. Most days I simply wish my life would come to an end. A psychiatrist once asked me why I hold on to the grief? I hold onto the grief because it is all I have! I have been told to try to move on and make a new life; I cannot.
I love my ex-wife and my children. That love was never conditional. It doesn't matter if they love me or not; I love them. So, my lot in life for now is to want what I can not have. To hope for what might seem hopeless. And to love people who may not love me. So be it!
This is how I cope:
I drag myself out of bed each day at 6:00am and eat a nutritious breakfast.
I go to the gym and exercise everyday.
I go to my office and work on projects that I hope will help people.
I am writing a book with the hope of setting the record straight and if not that, as a love letter to my children.
I eat a nutritious lunch.
I work until 4:00pm
I eat dinner a nutritious dinner at 5:00pm
I read and watch some television until 9:00pm when I go to bed.
I take my medication as prescribed even though I'm not sure whether it helps me or makes things worse.
I meet with my therapist weekly.
I have breakfast with my one friend every Saturday.
I meet with my psych provider every two weeks.
I pay my bills and give what I can to charity.
I try to be nice to everyone I come in contact with.
Most days I don't want to live. I also don't want to cause my children more trauma by killing myself. So, I make this plan for my life so I don't have to think about what I am going to do. There is nothing I really want to do other than reunite with my family. But what do I have to offer them if I am not healed.
So I keep on despite my desire not to. Not having to think about what I am going to do makes it easier to function through my tears.
I hope you, and all who suffer, find peace in your life.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
5 Reactions@pihu2024 seems to me he wants to have his cake and eat it too. By keeping a distance, he can maintain his relationship with you and have someone else on the side without your knowing it.
Much as you feel you love him, I would suggest you make a clean break. It is going to be very painful, but I promise you, you will get over him in time, and you will meet someone who values you! I have been there - thought I could never love another man after I made the very painful decision to break off with him. Hurt for quite a while, but was in love again - a few times, till I met and married my husband. We have been together for 44 years and have three wonderful children and one adored and adorable granddaughter.
Rip off that Bandaid, cry ouch! Then move on, not looking back! You got this!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsYou are fighting the good fight. Take pride in that. You can only control you and you’re succeeding! Hopefully others will notice. Stay positive let your fight define you.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionI’m in a nursing home with severe neuropathy unable to walk anymore and have no family and some times cry all night from pain and loneliness. I sometimes wonder if I’m beyond help or if I can just find someone to talk to. I wonder if anyone else has it progressing over 40 years.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsFoxylloyd, I am so sorry you are in that situation.
Are you able to get out at all?
Since you are able get online, do you at least interact with others via social media?
Can you share your experiences with others, on Mayo Connect, for example? There are many people here asking questions that you may be able to help with.
I know that helping others reduces my own sense of isolation.
Here's a way you can help me. Have a look at my YouTube channel videos about my stroke recovery. I would appreciate your comments and insights.
https://www.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos
Thank you.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction