Celebrating the holidays differently. What gift can you give yourself?

Posted by MGMolly @Erinmfs, Dec 19, 2020

I'm not old, but then I am, I qualify for AARP! I thought I'd get myself a Christmas gift, I just received an setup an Apple Homepod. I live alone, and now I can talk to Siri for company! I just asked Siri to play the News, and heard from NPR, and now Siri picked out some Christmas music, that I wouldn't normally hear! Siri played the Temptations! What fun gift are you giving or receiving this year?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

@merpreb

@nannette1941- I'm in a funk myself. I feel angry and depressed. I've felt like this throughout most of my life. It really helps to open up like this and tell someone. The feeling isn't pleasant but there are ways to overcome them. I feel that our pasts will tell us how to get ourselves out of funks.

In the past what did you used to do to overcome tough times?

Jump to this post

Hi Merry! over the holidays, I found my way to your blog! I'm so very impressed, you've inspired me to do something similar. I've been trying to figure out what to call it. That plus it made me think back to my time that I've spent on the West coast. Why oh Why did I move from there to here? earthquakes and fires! I loved a conference that we had in Boston one time, I was a Legal Seafood fan back then, we travelled to Maine and we had lobsters from Maine! Boy, those folks from Maine are interesting, they didn't say much back then, and those Maine'rs had a reputation for that 🙂

REPLY
@gingerw

With permission from Paradise Found [ParadiseFoundSantaBarbara.com], here is an article written by Ellen Wirth-Foster, who works with them. I look forward to their words of comfort each time it arrives in my inbox. This article really hit home for me this week. It's a bit of a read, but worth it!
*************
A Quiet + Contemplative New Year's Eve

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”
~Annie Dillard

"It doesn’t have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try
to make them elaborate, this isn’t
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak."

~Mary Oliver

New Year's Eve 2014...It was a cold, snowy day in the high, pine forested mountains of Arizona. I was visiting a dear friend at her cabin and we had been housebound for days. Our only entertainments were playing the piano + guitar, singing, drawing, loud enthusiastic midnight dancing, and creating time-consuming, elaborate vegetarian meals. Although we were isolated, it was a magical time, full of poetry and music and all the things I love about life.

I am reminded of this time every year, because this visit was the last time I got to spend with my friend before she passed away unexpectedly at age 23--and I am constantly learning how precious she was to me and how much her friendship added and continues to add to my life. What was once loss has transformed into an endlessly deep well of love and inspiration...There is always more love and more energy that comes from our friendship and the lessons I am continually learning (re-learning?) because of it.

She introduced me to a New Year's tradition which I would like to share with you: on New Year's Eve we each took a large piece of paper from an oversized sketchbook, and whatever colored markers we could lay our hands on. We each cast our minds back over the events of the past year, and contemplated what we'd learned, what we had gained and lost, what we dreamed and wished and hoped for in the coming year. Then, we each wrote a letter to our future self, to be opened the following New Year's Eve.

In the letter, you can write whatever you want. Maybe you will tell yourself about all the challenges you overcame in the past few months, or an unexpected joy you experienced. Maybe you will describe this year in 3 words, or perhaps you will focus on the future and everything you hope for in the year to come. When you have written your letter and sealed it, put it away somewhere safe. Next year, before you write another letter, you can read the old one and see how far you've come, the things that have changed in your life, and the ways you've grown and changed.

Every time I write my New Year's letter I remember how important it is to be awake, to pay attention to life as it slips by--To spend my time and energy trying to focus and appreciate all that I have, and gather all the inspiration and tools that can help me do so. I invite you to join me in this tradition taught to me by someone whose idealistic and hopeful nature, brilliant artistic and musical mind, and incredible creative dancing fire continue to inspire me every day.

New Years' blessings
EWF

‍On a practical note, it can help to have some questions to start out with. Even if you only answer one or two, it is a good way to get the creative juices flowing. My friend always asked fascinating, fruitful questions that could bring even the shyest strangers out of their shells. Here are some simple ones to get you going:

‍What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
What was an unexpected joy this past year?
What was an unexpected obstacle?
In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
In what way(s) did you grow physically?
What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
What advice would you like to give yourself as you begin the New Year?
At the end of the year, how would you like your life to be transformed?
How would you like to deeply improve your relationship with yourself this year?
In what ways will you channel your creativity and express yourself?
In what ways would you be willing to bring more enjoyment into your life?
What would your ideal career be if you could do anything?
What is one undeveloped talent you are willing to explore?
What do you want to learn more of?
Describe your ideal day--how would you most like to spend your time?
What is your life really about? What is your purpose?
What would you most like to be acknowledged for so far in your life?
What risk are you willing to take this year?
What would you like your impact on your community to be?
How can you change your current habitat to fully support who you’re becoming?
If you were not scared, what would you do?
What are you pretending not to know? What truth do you need to know?
If your life were exclusively oriented toward your values, what would that be like?
What is your favorite thing to do and how can you make more time to do it?
‍"20 Questions for New Year’s Eve," by Tsh Oxenreider at TheArtOfSimple.com
"100 Reflection Questions to Help Guide Your New Year's Resolutions," by Carly Sullens for Holidappy.com
******************
Ginger

Jump to this post

Many, many thanks for your very thoughtful message regarding a contemplative New Year's Eve. What a wonderful way to welcome 2021. New Year's blessings to you.

REPLY

Hello Teresa; thank you for responding. Here in Houston, torrential rains, I hope we do not have another flood... that would be the cream on the pudding. I feel selfish to be so depressed but as I have said often when my tooth hurt I do not jump for joy because I can walk. Hugs.

REPLY
@merpreb

@nannette1941- I'm in a funk myself. I feel angry and depressed. I've felt like this throughout most of my life. It really helps to open up like this and tell someone. The feeling isn't pleasant but there are ways to overcome them. I feel that our pasts will tell us how to get ourselves out of funks.

In the past what did you used to do to overcome tough times?

Jump to this post

@nannette1941 Each day is a new day. When times were tough I concentrated on the minimals: food, clothes, shelter. If we had that I was grateful. If we were all healthy, I was grateful. If we had clean clothes and linens, I was grateful we did not have to wear dirty clothes or use dirty towels and sheets. If I had enough money until the next income date, I was grateful. If I had a functioning vehicle, I was grateful. If I could buy new clothes from the clearance rack, I was grateful that it wasn't from the thrift shop. If we were able to have family time each day, I was grateful. These may seem like such small, inconsequential things, but some days we did not have some of those things. And that made it harder. So, I decided to be grateful for what we did have. Sometimes all we had was each other. Some days that was not assured, as I had a baby that spend 9 months of the first year in the hospital and 6 months of the second year in the hospital. That child was resuscitated multiple times and is now 40 years old. Just for today I am grateful . . . (fill in the blank for yourself).

REPLY

@merpreb and @nannette1941, Darn! Those days of being in a funk when we feel angry and depressed are really a bear aren't they!

After the many numerous good wishes for a Happy New Year followed by comments of "hope for how much better the new year will be..(and I am guilty of those for sure!), I hit a funky bomb day with the thoughts of "what if it isn't a happier, saner, healthier year? After all, "things can always get worse!", right? Oh, my word...that is a sure trademark of "stinkin' thinkin" but it does happen and perhaps to most of us from time to time.

Not @nannette1941, but Merry, your question got me thinking of what I've done or do to help me step out of the blues when they hit. One of the best is to leave the house and head for a park or even head for a large pkg lot and just watch people going in and out...any season will work.

Another, weather permitting, is going into my yard and doing something physical to my landscape. Just turning the compost pile or ideas for adding or deleting plants for the next season or pulling weeds helps because I can lose myself there and it removes my focus on what's troubling and redirects me to a more constructive train of thought.

Long before I started jotting down gratitudes each morning and night before bed during the pandemic, I used to make myself sit and write as fast as possible as many gratitudes as I could come up with.

Merry, I agree that reaching out to someone else is another great antidote. When I'm having a really down day though, I don't want to call another but I've sometimes made myself make a call anyway...not to share my own blues but to check on what is happening with them..just hearing another voice and what is shared can improve my spirits.

Whatever I can come up with that will redirect my focus away from me and onto something else can make a difference. Physically "doing" rather than sitting and "mulling" works best for me.

However, yesterday was one of those days when I was feeling angry at the "state of the world". Could not work up interest in anything in the yard so drove over to the local wildflower park. Usually there are a few others there walking which allows for a wave or "hi" but I had the small park all to myself and though it felt strange not to see another, I did push to walk farther and longer than usual. Driving away I saw a family of four walking in the park. Timing is everything but I did have my own private park for awhile, yes?

Decided that the car could really use a professional bath but too many others had the same idea and my patience wasn't up to the wait. Once home, I grabbed the spray and cleaned all the windows. That didn't take long but doing that one small thing improved my outlook. Had been "looking at" the basket of yarn, needles and instr. manuals sitting on my breakfast bar for days to encourage my attempt to re-teach and resume knitting for the new year. Last evening, I actually opened the manual and while I wasn't completely successful with the beginning steps, I was surprised that instead of being frustrated at the failed attempt, I would never have even tried that yesterday given my mood earlier in the day. Everything is relative yes?

Just a ramble here and not expecting responses but glad to have a place to share and would be interested in hearing what others do and find helpful when a down day happens?

REPLY

Hello Ginger,
In the past I could walk 10 miles a day, so I would go out and walk, today, the feet hurt, that is another thorn, and I had more friends... today, everyone is afraid of the virus so very few contact... I write poetry also, and, in the past I had to go to work so I had 8 hours whereby I did not have to look for things to do, what about you Ginger?

REPLY
@fiesty76

@merpreb and @nannette1941, Darn! Those days of being in a funk when we feel angry and depressed are really a bear aren't they!

After the many numerous good wishes for a Happy New Year followed by comments of "hope for how much better the new year will be..(and I am guilty of those for sure!), I hit a funky bomb day with the thoughts of "what if it isn't a happier, saner, healthier year? After all, "things can always get worse!", right? Oh, my word...that is a sure trademark of "stinkin' thinkin" but it does happen and perhaps to most of us from time to time.

Not @nannette1941, but Merry, your question got me thinking of what I've done or do to help me step out of the blues when they hit. One of the best is to leave the house and head for a park or even head for a large pkg lot and just watch people going in and out...any season will work.

Another, weather permitting, is going into my yard and doing something physical to my landscape. Just turning the compost pile or ideas for adding or deleting plants for the next season or pulling weeds helps because I can lose myself there and it removes my focus on what's troubling and redirects me to a more constructive train of thought.

Long before I started jotting down gratitudes each morning and night before bed during the pandemic, I used to make myself sit and write as fast as possible as many gratitudes as I could come up with.

Merry, I agree that reaching out to someone else is another great antidote. When I'm having a really down day though, I don't want to call another but I've sometimes made myself make a call anyway...not to share my own blues but to check on what is happening with them..just hearing another voice and what is shared can improve my spirits.

Whatever I can come up with that will redirect my focus away from me and onto something else can make a difference. Physically "doing" rather than sitting and "mulling" works best for me.

However, yesterday was one of those days when I was feeling angry at the "state of the world". Could not work up interest in anything in the yard so drove over to the local wildflower park. Usually there are a few others there walking which allows for a wave or "hi" but I had the small park all to myself and though it felt strange not to see another, I did push to walk farther and longer than usual. Driving away I saw a family of four walking in the park. Timing is everything but I did have my own private park for awhile, yes?

Decided that the car could really use a professional bath but too many others had the same idea and my patience wasn't up to the wait. Once home, I grabbed the spray and cleaned all the windows. That didn't take long but doing that one small thing improved my outlook. Had been "looking at" the basket of yarn, needles and instr. manuals sitting on my breakfast bar for days to encourage my attempt to re-teach and resume knitting for the new year. Last evening, I actually opened the manual and while I wasn't completely successful with the beginning steps, I was surprised that instead of being frustrated at the failed attempt, I would never have even tried that yesterday given my mood earlier in the day. Everything is relative yes?

Just a ramble here and not expecting responses but glad to have a place to share and would be interested in hearing what others do and find helpful when a down day happens?

Jump to this post

@fiesty76 I admire your honesty, and tenacity. I find it takes great effort for me to move out of a funk, sometimes either more than I have available or want to give. Then it becomes a pity-party, self-made. While we are all allowed that, for me, it is another challenge to overcome, one that has to be hurled to the curb so I don't stay in that funk, getting comfortable in the "stinkin' thinkin". When you lined out what works for you, it certainly rang true for me. Thank you for your words.
Ginger

REPLY
@nanette2022

Hello Ginger,
In the past I could walk 10 miles a day, so I would go out and walk, today, the feet hurt, that is another thorn, and I had more friends... today, everyone is afraid of the virus so very few contact... I write poetry also, and, in the past I had to go to work so I had 8 hours whereby I did not have to look for things to do, what about you Ginger?

Jump to this post

@nannette1941 Wow! Ten miles a day, that's a lot! I also did a lot in different jobs but never logged actual distance. These days, I have to push through the aches and pains to go walking, but the reward is how much better I feel physically and mentally. Fresh air revives me, and the sights along the way stir up memories or create ideas for creative pursuits. Being a visual person, I love seeing colors and all their shades or hues.

We all have days when we to reach inside and pull out our desire to do something that we enjoy. Sometimes it is a long reach, isn't it? And it's okay to think of doing one thing, and changing our mind. I hope you will read the post that @fiesty76 made, and see how she deals with a funk, it is pretty inspirational!

Tell me more about your poetry. I would love to read it! How does it make you feel when you write?
Ginger

REPLY
@cindiwass

I am 77. When I was 16-ish I used to read the obituaries in the local paper. For some reason I found them fascinating, wondering about the age they died at. And if I saw that the person was 39 or so (Jack Benny's constant age...), I thought, "Oh, he's old. It's ok for him to die." I never imagined I'd live beyond 60. But here I am. Looking forward to the future because of my religious beliefs, which I did not always have. Just to say that while getting old-er and more decrepit, I still have hope for the future. I read today that one of the cast members of the original "Gilligan's Island," Dawn Wells, died at 82. She had a very interesting bio, glad I read it.

Jump to this post

@cindiwass I never thought I would live to be 73, my current age. My father passed away when he was 64, my mother when she was 67. They were 50 and 40 when I was born so I was still in HS when my father died and in my 20s when my mother did. Since this was typical for her whole family I just figured I too would die when I was in my 60s. Surprise, surprise, I'm still here, as is my sister who is 3 years older than I am. My brothers are both gone but they made it into their 70s too.

@becsbuddy Thanks, Becky. These sound delicious. I have a recipe for coconut snowballs that is good too, using white chocolate. We had a caterer once for a large event here and that one of the desserts he brought. I loved them so he gave me the recipe, but these sound even easier!

@fiesty76 Thank you for your condolences.
I also believe that we have to remember to treat each person well, we don't know what they are going through or have been through that day.
I was walking up the aisle in a drugstore once and a man who passed me said "you could at least smile" - this was out of the blue. I didn't know him, he was a well-dressed man, but who was he to say that to me? He had no idea why I might not have looked happy.

@Erinmfs California is a beautiful state but it sure does have its drawbacks. My son lived there from 2004 until 2018 and now lives in Denver. For him, it was the high cost of owning property but I think he is happy being in Denver, fewer natural disasters there, plus he is an avid skier, and his wife is an avid snowboarder.

@merpreb @nannette1941 I think these days many of us are in a funk, on some days. I sure know I am. I think we can take anything for a certain amount of time but this has gone on for way too long. I actually predicted at the very beginning that it would last for a very long time, and wondered if I would ever see my son in Denver again since seeing him requires a flight and I do not want him taking the risk of flying here. We will see how the vaccine helps but so many are not planning to take it that we will never reach "community immunity" and for us who are on immunosuppressants that's a problem since even if/when our transplant teams say yes to us taking it, it will be less effective on us. I have read it will be about 60% effective so I suspect I will be wearing a mask for the remainder of my life.

When I find myself in a funk though about staying home and going literally nowhere except for isolated walks, I try to remind myself of what people over the years have endured. I have read a number of books about the Jewish experience during WW2 and how horrible that must have been. That helps me to realize that I live in a nice home, we have plenty of food to eat, and so far my husband and I are both doing OK, healthwise.
JK

REPLY

@contentandwell, Well what a clod that goofball was! Methinks he could have used a quick kick in the tush!!

It did remind me that one of the very best things we can do for ourselves when feeling down is to remember to give the widest berth possible to any we know who are judgmental naysayers and frequent downers themselves.

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.