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Maintaining friendships can sometimes be challenging for individuals experiencing memory loss or mild cognitive impairment (MCI). Common themes that I often hear from patients with MCI and their friends are that friends may not understand memory loss or may not know how to support a friend with MCI. Friends may also have misconceptions and fear about memory loss. Sometimes, the activities that friends enjoy together change over time or plans may be forgotten. Some people with MCI may feel as though they are being treated differently or dismissed. Others may shy away from friends because of the memory loss.
Consider these recommendations for maintaining friendships and discussing memory loss and MCI with friends.
- Make plans to spend time together.
- Share a new experience (e.g., cooking class, exercise group, community theater production).
- Review photos and reminisce on memories.
- Make socializing part of your routine. Schedule regular phone calls or visits and put this information in your calendar.
- Write reminders to yourself to check in with your friend about an important event, such as after an important procedure or appointment, and what you wanted to tell your friend. You can use your Journal/Notes section in your planner for this.
- Check in with your friend.
- This may include questions such as, How can we make sure we maintain our friendship? How often do you want to connect? Do we need to make any changes to our time together?
- Share your concerns and how your friends can support you.
- For example, “I get nervous meeting someone new, because I may not remember their name.”
- Ask that they reintroduce others (“This is John, we met him last week in our yoga class.”)
- Let them know your preference or consider having a “signal” if you want them to step in for you if there is a memory or word-finding lapse when out in public.
- Ask them to “keep you in the loop.”
- Discuss if you would like to schedule something in advance or prefer something spontaneous?
- Do you want your friend to provide reminders or ask you to write it in your calendar?
- Where do you feel safe and able to be yourself?
- Express to your friends what is less helpful.
- Share “3 things I prefer you don’t say to me about my memory loss” (e.g., I already told you that)
- Ask your friends to help you identify what is important to them too. They may be able to tell you things that also make them feel valued that you can plan to do.
- Invite your friend to participate in your memory care.
- Consider if you would like to ask your friend to accompany you to a doctor appointment related to memory loss. They can also serve as “an extra set of ears.”
- Attend a memory-related function together. Consider participating in a Walk to End Alzheimer’s in your community. 2022 Walk to End Alzheimer's | Alzheimer's Association |
- Practice self-compassion as some friendships can change over time.
Comment below to give your tips and experiences on maintaining friendships with MCI!
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Very encouraging to read…unfortunately not every one is kind(usually family) which think I is a sort of fear on their part; that what is happening to you will happen to them…So I have a calendar where I can note down important things like paying bills and the amounts, birthdays,(I have a birthday book for refrance) I note down shows I need to be ready for….appts and unpleasant chores I need to do(as they are the ones I tend to forget) Acknowledging a friend’s birthday helps me keep in touch and lets my friends know that I care. Writing down a name also helps me remember names, more than just typing it on a computer. Just wanted to share these ideas…I am 83 and have had some short memory lapses (mostly a few minutes in length sometimes longer) and find it very scary but am trying to deal with it on my own. Thank you for your post.
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12 ReactionsThanks for these ideas! I am 86 and I am having the same problems you mentioned.
I cringe when someone says "I already told you that yesterday." My adult children seem to expect that I am the same person with the same abilities I had when they were growing up.
I know they are disappointed at my diminishment. So am I! I work hard to appreciate every day, and I try not to linger on what I have lost, and CELEBRATE all that I have and love in my life.
Carolyn
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12 ReactionsThank you for understanding….sometimes it is lonely…but knowing that we are here to do our best however we can(for me as an artist) creating is our legacy and promise to the universe….wishing you peace in all that you do….one day at a time.
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1 ReactionI have had memory losses randomly for the past 10 to 15 years, but I am assured by my doctor and my husband that I do not have ALZ... My life has been filled with extreme stresses from time to time, and we think that is what caused it. Maybe that was caused by the meds that I took?
Now I have more short term memory loss.. My husband is my caregiver and he is just the best! I am so very grateful for him and his attention to watching out for me.. We do not have any nearby relatives or friends as we have only lived her about a year.
After moving here I do not want to have to interact with anybody else. It has been difficult for us, as he was encouraging me to meet folks. Now I am seeing a counselor once a week to talk over anything that bothers me.
All painful memories from the past few years. It's a huge help for me and I am grateful for the time with her.
And I am happy and satisfied with my life just as it is...
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3 Reactions@brenday43
Hi and welcome
Your experiences sound similar to mine.
Stress, and loss have been hanging over me for quite a while. However, I learned to follow my own instincts because another person cannot possibly know exactly what your body is telling you. It could be a lot of things, but you must know what is going on!
I knew something was not right with me so I took myself to a neurologist and asked to be tested.
three years ago, I went through the tests required to see if there is atrophy in the brain.
The diagnosis was Mild Cognitive Impairment.
At least I knew what I had and why I was feeling a bit “off”. There are brain exercises etc. that I have been doing ever since.
It would be calming for you to know what, if anything is making you feel the way you do. Your stress level will sink.
Blessings
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