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I am often asked about loneliness and social isolation and how they can affect memory, especially with the increased focus on them over the past two years during the COVID-19 pandemic. Loneliness and social isolation are often used interchangeably but are different concepts.
Loneliness is the subjective perception that our emotional and social relationships are not as strong as our desire for these relationships. Better put, loneliness is the feeling of being alone or disconnected from others, regardless of the amount of social contact one has. It is often described as the painful feeling when there is a mismatch or gap between the number and quality of relationships we have and what we would like. Loneliness is a common emotion, and it can come and go or be persistent.
This is different from social isolation (having few social connections or interactions), which may or may not be upsetting to someone. In other words, people can be socially isolated and not be lonely. Some people prefer to be by themselves. Similarly, people can feel isolated even when they have many activities and/or are surrounded by people. This can especially occur when relationships are not emotionally rewarding.
There are several types of loneliness:
Social loneliness = missing a wider social network
Emotional loneliness = wanting more intimate or deep relationships with others
Collective loneliness = feeling of not being valued by the broader community
Existential loneliness = sense that life lacks meaning or purpose
Several studies have shown that loneliness can have negative effects on memory, sleep, mood, and medical factors, such as heart disease. Loneliness affects memory loss through several different mechanisms and has been associated with faster rates of memory decline and an increased risk of dementia.
If you are feeling lonely, consider what is contributing or the “root cause.” Common causes are loss of a spouse or close friend, limited transportation, memory loss, and even hearing loss. Others have thoughts that they are being left out, rejected, or are a burden to others. Ask yourself the following questions: Why don’t I get together with friends? Why have I lost touch with people I once spoke with? What parts of your relationships with family and friends are working well for you? Is there something missing? Are there any changes you would like to make to those relationships?
Below are some tips to reduce loneliness:
- Reach out to others.
- Write a letter, send a card or brief text, or call an old friend, coworker, or classmate. Call your loved ones daily. Make a plan for which loved one you can reach out to tomorrow. Ask a loved someone to send a picture of something special from his/her day. Connect by doing an act of kindness for someone. These simple acts are beneficial for the other person but can also help you feel more connected.
- Share your feelings and wishes.
- Tell your loved ones if you feel lonesome. Suggest an activity that can help nurture or strengthen a relationship. Ask someone you trust to regularly visit or call – This can provide them “permission” to do so.
- Use video technology or social apps with family and friends, such as FaceTime and Zoom.
- Record and send “video cards.” Play a simple game or bake a recipe together through video chat. Read stories to grandchildren. Have group Zoom calls with grandchildren or social hour with friends. If you are not tech-savvy, ask a family member or friend for help setting up an activity or sign up for a class through a community center to help you learn to use technology.
- Consider volunteering and joining activities and exercise groups through local community centers.
- Some communities have a memory café – a place to enjoy activities and socialize with others who are experiencing memory loss and their care partners.
- Start each day with a gratitude practice, which is appreciating something or someone meaningful to you. Research shows that it helps reduce mood symptoms and increase social connectedness.
- Call a “warmline.” The Institute on Aging has a 24-hour toll-free Friendship Line (800-971-0016) staffed with professionals and volunteers available to offer friendly conversation and emotional support to older adults.
- Spend time outdoors and interact with nature. Studies have shown that those who spent time outdoors were less likely to report feeling a lack of companionship or feeling isolated.
- Consider joining a support group for individuals with MCI. Many communities and hospital systems offer support groups and programs. The Alzheimer’s Association is also a good resource for virtual support groups. Mayo Clinic Connect, offers support groups for both caregivers and people living with MCI here: Caregivers: Dementia and Living with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI).
- Ask your doctors or loved ones who know you best what they would suggest for you to reduce loneliness. They may have creative suggestions.
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I live "just down the road" in Beaumont. I am not sure about the appointment yet, but it was just the first. He had to ask me all the silly questions, like do I drink, how much how often; do I use drugs; do I ever do harm to myself or cut myself, etc. I find this irritating. He wanted to know my goals, but I don't have any as yet. I need to accept that my husband is really gone and I find that so difficult. I want to be able to walk in the grocery aisle where they sell chips and stuff and not cry because I will not be buying them anymore. Things like that. He see clients only twice a month. I have another appointment coming up and hopefully will have a clearer picture of whether or not it will be helpful.
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1 ReactionHi Wayne @hergiew, please find attached a PDF version of the blog article.
If you are unable to download it, please send me an email using this form https://connect.mayoclinic.org/contact-a-community-moderator/
loneliness and Isolation-Mayo Clinic Connect-connect (loneliness-and-Isolation-Mayo-Clinic-Connect-connect.mayoclinic.org_.pdf)
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2 ReactionsThanks for the follow-up post. Yes, you do live "just down the road". And your first therapy appointment was what I expected. I start mine in June. The first session is also a "thorough review" of where I am now and how I got there. I have to have some goals also. I better put on my self-analysis cap. I do know that I want to practice mindfulness meditation more often and
make some new commitments. I invited a lady who knows how to play Siamese Mahjongg for an afternoon of fun. I also enjoyed getting to know her. We agreed to meet again. That's a start.
Thinking of you today and hoping for positive changes in your current loneliness situation. Stay in touch please and I will let you know how my Sunday afternoon visits with Chae work out. Together we both just might see some improvement.
May you be content and at ease.
Chris
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1 ReactionI can certainly relate to all of these posts. Life can be overwhelming at times and when you don’t have a big support system it contributes to those feelings. Chronic conditions, heart and degenerative disc fusions. Just had heart attack, triple bypass, and upcoming heart cath as diagnosed with cardiomyopathy. I don’t have family nearby. My book club of 20 years disbanded. They were a large part of my social life. The issue is that I have days with so much fatigue I can’t do anything. My family is suggesting I move to a retirement community. I can do it if I think it is what I should do but feel overwhelmed thinking about the effort to make it happen. My passions are reading, drawing and knitting. I’m happy on a day I can do something creative.
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1 ReactionMuch admiration for you sharing . I am 57 going on 83 so what advice would you give your 57 year old self . As for your son that is very sad . I would first ask what is going on with your son and resolve that or try working toward solving any stress in that relationship . I think the government has recourses that will help you financially so that you do not have that stress . Do you have a church close by ? Even if they are not your denomination you may make friends . Whatever you do just do not give in . I admire you .
Thank you for your reply and suggestions…I am now waiting to hear when I will have a cateract op so I am working very hard for a possible show in the fall since I don’t know recovery time for my operation. Also hoping to get my book finished by the fall.I have a hearing problem but I would rather spend dineros on my eyes(more important)…actually I am finding that being partially deaf is good because I can shut out boring noises and concentrate on my work. I will always be there for my son but I am backing off and letting him be….more peaceful for him… and me.He also has a lot of friends and is well liked. …Hopefuly with the summer the atmosphere will improve and there will be more contact with other people for him. We can learn from the past…but we can’t change it….I am learning this myself….forgivness is a great gift to yourself if you can do it…onwards and upward to the paint box.
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1 Reaction@barbfowler, dealing with cancer during COVID is particularly isolating. I invite you to the discussions in the Colorectal Cancer group here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/colorectal-cancer/
@thisismarilynb, I agree that this blog is relevant to many of us, not exclusively for people living with mild cognitive impairment. I know you originally joined Connect to connect with others in the Heart Rhythm Condidions group, but you may also wish to join the discussions in these groups too:
- Loss & Grief https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/
- Aging Well https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/aging-well/
@fromthehill, I think these groups would interest you too.
@judithjoy, you mention that you "Mainly I read, watch TV or spend time on the internet." @retirement75, you said your book club disbanded and that you're creative
Might I suggest that spending time connecting with people on Mayo Clinic Connect can be a form of socializing? There are a few discussions on Connect that are not about health problems that you could take part in. For example we have discussions about jokes and sharing a laugh, pictures showing what's outside your window, arts and crafts, pets and service animals, nature, a book club where people share what they are reading, music and more. Check out this group:
- Just Want to Talk https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/other/
What's your interest? I'll help you find the right discussion and people.
Thank you for this . I wish you much success . I love that you are into art as it truly is like a medicine from what I hear . I understand what you mean about Summer and I agree it allows us to be out more and as I get older I rebel against fall/winter and can get moody shut indoors lol....I love what you say about forgiveness so so much ..So wise and much insight .
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1 ReactionThank you, Colleen, for your response.
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1 ReactionLoss and Grief.
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