The Ship with no Sail: Letter from a PRC Graduate

Dear PRC Staff,

I wanted to take the time to express my gratitude. It has been quite a journey. I know you all are aware of what patients go through before being admitted into PRC. Therefore, I will not recap my past as it is in the past. Furthermore, I have learned dwelling on such thoughts is a pain behavior. I remember being told I was the ‘perfect candidate’ for PRC. Though I was told this, I had mixed feelings. I was excited and hopeful but also very doubtful. I felt my situation was to unique and untreatable. However, I clung to what I knew about Mayo, y’all were the professionals. I remember the first time I saw the PRC hall. I had never been to any kind of therapy in my life. I did not know what to expect. When I toured PRC, I saw a lot of smiling faces, kindness and simplicity. After meeting with Dr. Wasson and touring the vicinity, I knew I wanted to be a part as soon as possible. I was desperate because at this point, I had nothing else to lose. I often pondered on how it would work and what all would take place. Above all, I constantly asked myself if it would work and if I’d be able to last a day. Ever since my first day of PRC, it was overwhelming and didn’t make sense. However, on my admission day, I knew I could trust my care team. In thinking back to my B version, it was like being on a basketball without participating. I was the player not just on the bench, but at the very end. The coach never put me in. Some days I could cheer others on, others I could not. Eventually, I became totally quiet and uninvolved, as if I were not even there.

I was a ship without a sail, an overpowering avalanche, an 18-wheeler without brakes. PRC put me back in the basketball game. PRC gave me the ball and my ship was given sails. In fact, I learned how to handle ocean waves, regardless of their size. I was given tools to combat all the storms of life. I was given maps (schedule), working brakes (planning) and pressure gauges (stability & consistency) etc. Furthermore, in my B version, I began to think my dreams and goals for the future were no longer realistic. One of those dreams was to become a mom one day. I remember nannying for a sweet family with two children. I cleaned their home, grocery shopped, bathed the kids, took them to parks and prepped meals. The mom was quite ill and always stayed in her room. She stayed in bed for long hours. Her bedroom was isolated and on the opposite side of their home. In version B, I realized something had to change. Something had to change because if not, I was going to be like her. I didn’t want to be like her. I didn’t want anyone else to raise my kids, I wanted to be the one to do it.

PRC has relit my dreams and goals. I not only feel I can accomplish my dreams, but far above and beyond. Everyone has goals and dreams as well as strengths and weaknesses. However, some individuals weaknesses are more visible than others and can be more debilitating. At the end of the day, it is up to us, how we approach our circumstances. A great analogy that comes to my mind is the story of Iron Man. Iron Man went through a hardship he would’ve never planned for himself. Even though he got injured in a way that could not be undone, it gave him an incredible opportunity. Out of his circumstance, he built and created his suit. This set him apart from others as he was able to do things nobody else had ever done, like fly. He also was able to see many things that not everyone does. In a way, I too feel like Iron Man. Though I wouldn’t have ever chosen this path for myself, I have come out 5x stronger than I have ever been. I have been able to see things and meet people I would have never met in version A. It might sound strange, but I think there is beauty in admitting you need help. There is beauty and humility in that recognition. I have always clung to my Christian faith; without it I would not be here today. Though my faith is important to me, faith alone is not enough. PRC has enabled me to live again, really live. PRC has not only changed my life, but it has rejuvenated my entire being. You guys helped me get back something that was very special to me that I thought I’d lost forever, my independence and confidence.

I want to applaud every staff member here. I have been blown away with the kindness, dedication, strength, organization and intelligence. PRC isn’t just made up of science and research but by special professionals who are passionate about what they do. It consists of professionals that believe everything they’re teaching with every fiber of their being. It takes very special, unique individuals to do what you guys do. For the first time, in a very long time, I finally feel validated, seen, heard and understood. I might not be the star player of the basketball game, but I am beyond happy and thankful to be back in the game. Whether I run or walk, I will take one step at a time. I can finally shoot again. I will miss some shots but make others, but good is good enough. Thank you and God bless you all.

Your recent graduate,

Lydiaruth