Will to Live

@cekkk The question you pose is great food for contemplation or discussion. Let me tell you a story.
My Dad died too young at 74, leaving my Mom on her own - sort of - with 6 kids, grands, many friends and activities she kept on going. But she told me many times her heart wasn't REALLY in it any more.

Yet as age and illnesses crept up on her, she...kept on going.
I was one of her caretakers and confidants as she aged and we had a number of wonderful conversations. After my Dad, her dance partner of 56 years dies, she never wanted to dance again - she told me "I closed that chapter." She still came with us and listened to music when we danced, never missed a live performance she could get to - but didn't dance.
For the next 15 years, she and her sister often traveled to new places together and had new adventures, just the 2 of them with, or with me or my cousin. After a trip that was more difficult because of their health (they were both over 80) when I offered the next adventure she repeated "I closed that chapter."
Some years later, she and her sister simultaneously decided to sell their winter homes in South Texas. By that time, my husband and I were retired and traveling. We offered to take her back there, rent a place by her friends and visit - she thanked me and said "I closed that chapter."
And so it went - she still took joy in that which she was able to do, and in visiting with her friends, kids and grands, but she closed more chapters - managing her own home, making big family dinners, baking, driving her friends places...
Finally, after a particularly difficult illness & hospitalization she went to stay in a palliative care place, trying to get back on her feet to go to her apartment. One day, when we were alone, she asked "Will I ever get back there?" I told her only if we restarted her PT (which I had done with her many times) and she said "bring me my walker tomorrow and let's do it." The next morning, the director met me at the door and told me "she changed her mind, you can put it back in the car." That was Monday morning. On Friday, after seeing and talking to all of her kids and grands, and a few of her friends, she closed her eyes and closed the final chapter.

As I age, I have had to let go of a few things so far, and I try to think of those as closed chapters. I hope I am as graceful as my Mom as life continues.
Sue
PS I just had a wonderful visit with my auntie, who at 96 has closed a few chapters but is still active in her apartment community. The women in my family (both sides) tend to live 90 or more years so I expect to have a lot more chapters to write before I am done.

Very interesting topic--thank you. I think there may be a biological imperative towards life; and certainly in contemporary American society "giving up" is considered weak and a failure. It is also very personal--one person's idea of an ok life might not be another person's. Personally, I tend to agree with you that life at any cost is not for me. My dad simply stopped eating and drinking and refused medication. He was aphasic, but could communicate some. We can learn from animals too--our pets often want to stay alive to keep us company but also don't struggle against death when it comes. I feel there is inner self-knowledge and that if I listen to it I'll know how to act.

Do you have a living will? My wife and I both wrote living wills several decades ago. We don't want some machine to keep us alive when we should be dead, and we don't want our children to make the call on whether or not to pull the plug. We both believe that we will go to a better place after death, and this life doesn't have a whole lot of appeal for us. I hope that we can both die quietly, but I don't think that when, where, or how is our decision to make.

We do, and it's it is important to know the difference between that and an ndr. An ndr does not go into effect until your heart stops. This means you can lay in bed in excruciating pain from here to Eternity and nothing can be done to facilitate your passing. Of course, that is an oversimplification. But it gets the point across, I hope.

There is a lot in your post. Instead of answering your philosophical question, I will focus on the being uncomfortable all the time. If it was me, being uncomfortable would certainly have a major effect on my mood and how I felt. That is very understandable. Perhaps your doctor does not understand the extent of the discomfort. Maybe there is more that could be done. Maybe there are interventions that you haven't tried yet. I don't know.

John Kabat-Zinn is the author of a book called Full Catastrophe Living. It is the result of his work at a pain clinic at a hospital in Boston. Patients were referred to him who had pain that could not be treated. The only way to ease their suffering was to help them to think differently. His basic idea is that the effect of pain or discomfort depends a lot on how you think about it. He makes use of ideas from mindfulness meditation. For me personally, this book has little to woo-woo, but my other experiences with mind training makes me sure that there is something of value in the general direction of mindfulness. His book is not the only source of information about mindfulness and meditation. There may be other books on mindfulness available for free in your public library. My library has a program whereby they will mail books to people like me who are unable to physically get to the library.

For me personally, I get some satisfaction in using my precious (and short) human lifetime to the best extent that I can. There is a lot of need in the world. Somewhere there is someone who needs what you have to give.

The post was less about me and more about the will. But my discomfort is not treatable and only partially aided by drugs. I was prescribed 4 opioid drugs that had little effect. I found gabapentin to be just as effective without the risks. But thank you for your response.

Thank you 🙏

I find this a really interesting topic, when addressing the original question. In my understanding and observation, it is intensely personal, however having said that I think it depends on the reasons, will, and motivation to overcome and ‘live life’ despite the physical/cognitive/emotional challenges that exist.
In terms of my own life, emotionally I’ve had zero reason to live for many years, having zero family and friends that I can trust or be close to without them being the ‘smiling assassins’ that mean you’re constantly having to look over your shoulder (and that’s no way to live when you’re living with disability/cognitive decline).
Physically I’ve not got a lot of reason to live, as well as mentally, because I’ve lost much of my memory, can’t work anymore, and mobilise on crutches permanently due to partial loss of sensation and strength in my legs. I also have lung, bowel, and bone marrow diseases, and chronic kidney disease. And I was hit by a speeding car which - besides other damage - rendered me unable to have kids.
Spiritually…this is the bit that keeps pulling like an ox in the field, unstoppable, unbreakable, and forever curious as to what is around the nest corner, despite the other things stacked against living on for a long lifespan. However I do not want to exist till I’m old, and I do actually have very little patience with being trapped in a junk body that if it was a car it would’ve been put in the crusher years ago.
But there’s something still in me that kicks me into gear and motivates me. I know when this evaporates, there’ll be little holding me to this trashed sack filled with old wounds that have never really healed, metal parts, and scars.
I know one day I will shut my eyes and fly away. But not yet 😉🙂

HOLD ON! I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU! You aren't leaving until God wants you. I could read you a list of reasons I should be dead, but I will not bore you, and obviously I am still here. I too would like a new model, but that isn't going to happen. Stop being so hateful to yourself. Pick up your socks, and look around. I am sure there must be someone out there who needs the understanding and compassion you have and the ability, and knowledge to give. A gentle smile, a touch of the hand, a funny story, a kiss on the cheek. All of these are within your power, and you will begin to find the joy you seek so desperately. Remember, GOD DON'T MAKE NO JUNK!
He loves you and so do I
Gina 5009
Forgot to tell you, I am 92

92! Good for you!