Why My Fall Made Me Feel So Ashamed

Thank you for recommending the article. I especially like the comments, " When we’re injured, we’re suddenly separated from the herd of the healthy ", and "If we all could acknowledge our shared fragility, shame would disappear". Intellectually, I know it is crazy to feel embarrassment, shame, or acknowledge my fraility, but the intellect is often written off to our emotions! I had always been extremely independent, never asking for help with anything [to a fault], and when I started falling, I was devastated with embarrasment and shame. I was afraid of being seen as weak, frail, and a lesser person, which I know is crazy, but we can get some very crazy thoughts People didn't know how often I was falling. Only the falls that needed medical care were known. I didn't lie if I was asked if I had other falls, but I didn't offer up the info. I am sharing this to let you know how much I understand what you are going through, both physically and emotionally. I am not saying it is right to feel this way about falling, but I understand the feelings than can accompany the falling.
P

Hello, pkh3381 (@pkh3381)

Fortunately, falls have not been a big problem for me up to this point. My wobbliness, however, due to my PN, has me constantly on guard. What struck me about Shapiro’s essay was the universality of our ways of handling falls or near falls.

I, too, have always been an extremely independent person, often to my own detriment. The need to now and then have to ask for a helping hand that came along with my PN has made for a tricky adjustment, not an impossible one, just a tricky one.

Shame is the big bugaboo. If only we (and here I’m saying “we,” when perhaps I should say “I”) could grow comfortable with admitting to our family and friends – and most importantly to ourselves – I’m not entirely the same person you’ve always known – not “entirely, please understand;” most of me is still me, but a few things have changed. That sort of sincerely-made admission might go a long way to eliminating shame.

My very best wishes to you!
Ray (@ray666)

@ray666 Ray, as a person with axonal sensory motor PN for 7 years, I can tell you firsthand, for some, a fall will happen. My several falls occurred because I tend to turn to walk in one direction and a foot does not turn with the motion to walk. I end up falling sideways, has happened 3 times in past 2 years. I need to pay attention to the direction of my feet and now I do! Also, in early Aug of this year, I tripped going up steps resulting in injury to a shoulder. Just as I think....hmm...I'm holding about the same, a fall happens and erodes my level of confidence. Now, your question. Ashamed? No. I get up, make sure all parts are attached and I then look at cause of the fall and modify my walking habits so (hopefully) it does not happen again. And, as time goes on after a fall, I learn from experience and my confidence will slowly increase. But do not feel ashamed if you fall. You didn't ask for PN, you just got it. So, after a fall, get up, say a few choice words (to yourself) and get moving. Just remember why you fell and if need be, use a cane for assistance as I do in public areas. Also, those living alone should always have a cell phone on them in case a fall occurs at home and need assistance. Ed

I don’t know if I posted here about my trekking pole solution. My probably is pain, and lots of damaged small fiber nerves that have lead to weak and stiffened areas. No numbness. But sometimes a cane sounds like a good idea, just for extra support. I’ve found that a trekking pole makes me feel less disabled, and looks much cooler!

I’m 89 and have had PN since last Apr. not a long time my symptoms are burning feet and numbness. I have been extremely active all my life, played professional baseball and still play today I golf and workout at least 3 times a week. My biggest problem is my balance if I didn’t have that, life would be great. I’ve tried many remedies and Meds without success. It is truly sad to hear the many people who suffer from this terrible disease and trying to find a cure is discouraging. But for me it’s easy to say because I know in my heart someday, someone will find maybe not a cure but something that will help to deal with PN. To help deal with this disease we can never give up because that’s what will help carry us through. We are all in this together and no your not alone. GOD BLESS all those who suffer with terrible disease. JUST A FRIEND

Please note that my post, which kicked off this thread, was merely an invitation to read an Op-Ed piece in yesterday's NY Times. The situation described by the writer is not my situation. What I found of particular interest was how she describes what it feels like to have poor balance and an unsteady gait. ("You are an astronaut, floating and flailing through space, while everyone surrounding you seems to be on terra firma.") I'm fortunate in that I've not fallen, at least not recently. Still, I'm acutely aware of what it's like to try explaining to a first-appointment doctor or a friend for the first time what poor balance and unsteady gait feel like when the cause is not due to aging – or at least not entirely due to aging – but to PN. Almost every time, I find myself saying, "No, I'm not dizzy," and "I've been checked for vertigo, and it's not an inner ear problem." I'm always on the hunt for new and creative ways to describe what I feel, and now I think I'll the Op-Ed writer "astronaut floating and flailing through space" approach. 😀

I have seizures. It started with the neuropathy. Since, I have had four hip surgeries an actebulum fracture I can’t get up on my own. Normally if family is not around 911 is called. My seizures are worse when I can’t sleep or the pain becomes way too much.

I do not consider "embarrassment" to be a cousin to "shame". Embarrassment is a somewhat normal feeling when you feel there are a lot of eyes on you, or you're part of an event that you've inconvenienced others by needing assistance you hadn't hoped you'd needed. Shame is a negative feeling of not being worthy or that you intentionally caused an event. Even if we do have slips in judgement that leads to incidents, we do not deserve to feel ashamed about our conditions we're trying to live with and our fragility. I didn't like that part of the Op-Ed piece.

My dark sense of humor…this thread made me think of a scene in a PINK PANTHER movie. Inspector Clouseau was always falling…but one scene involved parallel bars, his dismount sends him down a flight of stairs. “I meant to do that” was his response!
I keep that in mind when I do or say something…

Ray - with my numbness and poor balance, about 2 months back, instead of trying to explain it, I turned it around and asked the person......have you ever dozed off in a chair, woke up and your foot was asleep? He got it. Ed