Trying To Get My Nerves Settled: Tonight's Thoughts

Sobrinet, not at all silly, you are, understandably, feeling vulnerable. You sound very strong.
Bless your surgery and recovery with luck.

I was the same when I had my surgery as I had never had any type of surgery before. I had a lumpectomy and believe me............I was literally scared to death. I still have my tonsils for heaven's sake!! However, it wasn't bad at all. The surgeon and assistants were wonderful. Once they put you out, you truly are unaware of everything. When you wake up, it's done and you are unaware of the time it took or what took place. It really wasn't a bad experience at all.

No, you’re not being silly at all, it is very scary to have any surgery and you need all of the support that you can get. I’m sorry that your co-workers didn’t come through for you, but often people don’t know what to say, so they say nothing. In a few months, you’ll look back and marvel how you got through it all, it is a lot and your current fears and feelings are totally valid. It’s not easy, but try to look to the future, take especially good care of yourself and lean on your family and friends for solace.

I fortunate went thru my journey during COVID and since most of same age coworkers had recently retired and my current coworkers were young enough to be my children I chose to rely only on my spouse and myself for my support. My daughter and sister both offered in person support but they live out of state. The first week was probably the hardest - soreness, uncomfortable and restricted mobility. But research helped me prepare for what to expect which also helped to refocus my emotional conflict about what was planned for me. This site ended up providing me the emotional support I needed because everyone understood what I was going through and confirm and support my highs and lows of this journey. I knew family was concerned for me and wanted to support me, but since I am the only individual to have BC no one else understood the emotional turmoil of the decisions and treatments I would experience. I hope this site provides the support you need and want.

I feel for you because I have been there and it is a difficult time waiting for the surgery once you have made your mind up. I want to reassure you that it is normal to be a little frightening. I found it helpful to realize that the surgery would remove the cancer and I would be through that part. I know your family and close friends will step up for you but do think about talking to a counselor to help you with your feelings. I didn’t hear from many people who I thought would be there for me and that includes family who live close. I think some people don’t know what to say so they don’t connect at all. You just hug yourself. You are strong and you will get through this. I did. As for my body, it isn’t the same despite reconstruction later but honestly I have found a way to embrace my new self. It has changed its appearance but I am the same person and feel just as strong. I wish you well and hope surgery goes well. I had no pain and I took care of myself eating lots of protein and taking probiotics. Stay positive and don’t be disappointed in others. They just aren’t as strong as you would like them to be. Hugs.

You are stressed and need to vent. Find a support group or a friend with the same experience. Your nurse navigator can help you find either of those.
As for your surgery, my cancer grew from unnoticeable to 2 cm in only five months. My surgery was postponed through no fault of my own and rescheduled 30 days later! That was not acceptable to me. This killer was growing inside of me and it wanted it out ASAP. The surgeon came in on his day off to do it.
The sooner the surgery, the better for my peace of mind and then I could actively participate in my cure through radiation.

It is helpful to read all of the comments everyone was kind enough to post. I am feeling better today and as mentioned believe I just needed to vent a little. I am trying to stay positive and busy until my surgery.

So sorry to hear about your situation. I only had a lumpectomy, but I feel the same way. A big part of me is missing, and I hate it. It sounds like you have family coming to help you, which is good. Hope everything goes well.

Try to remember anticipatory anxiety is always worse than the actual event. And you dont have to figure out why you feel anxious. It is very normal and we all experience it. Find what puts a smile on your face or calms your mind and dont go down rabbit holes to try to control your anxiety.
You can also ask your doctor to help with the anxiety..I had to be scraped off the ceiling a few times until my surgery was over, all the pathology was completed and we agreed on a treatment plan. I promise it gets easier.

No you have every right to feel the way you do about your co-workers. All my real surgeries, i.e. knee replacement, hip replacement were done after i had retired. But my fractured wrist and subsequent surgeries right before. I think they visited once. No meals brought. Thank goodness my lumpectomy was after i retired. My daughter helped then.

Good luck with your future surgery. Will be praying for you.