Titrating Psychiatric Medications: Phase Two.
I am grateful that I have been able to share my experience titrating off of "heroic" doses of psychiatric medications.
Until recently, every reduction has been accompanied by increased mental and physical health.
Now that the medication is basically gone I have entered Phase Two; grief and horror.
I have been heavily medicated for fifteen years, during which time everyone and everything that means anything to me has been stripped from my life.
My previous post go into detail about some of what has happened.
I have awakened to the Greek Tragedy that is my life. The sadness and grief threaten to overwhelm me. I have even considered (and my docs would be happy to comply) going back on the meds just to avoid the grief.
In my experience however, feelings do not go away. I may think I have suppressed them, but they will not be silenced. Unfelt feelings drove behaviors that I often did not understand nor know what to do with. So, I kept taking more and more pills.
For me there is no way out of this hell except through it.
Do I wish daily that I was not alive to feel my pain; forgive me, but yes. I often fantasies abut how much better its would have been had I taken my own life fifteen years ago.
Alas, I did not.
So, I'm here. I will not take my life now. I will not be just another crazy person who killed himself.
I choose instead to sit with my feelings and let them wash over and through me.
I choose instead to let my experience possibly be of value to others.
When all else fails I think of my children. What if some provider (that might have heard my story if I hadn't died), ignorantly prescribes to one of my children the poisons that has been prescribed to me, to one of them?
What if they need my help heeling from the trauma I have caused them and I am not there to help?
The grief and sadness are normal feelings to have given my life. They will find their proper place becoming a source of strength.
I the mean time I feel an obligation to let everyone who is interested know, that getting off the medications has been easy compared to the process that has just begun.
The good news, I'm off the meds and I have my life back.
The bad news, I am off the meds and I have my life back.
Thank you to everyone who has taken them time to read my posts.
I wish peace for us all!