Tired of living

I wish I could give you a hug to let you know you are loved 🥰

Thank you. I felt it.

I hope you are feeling better! It must be very sad to miss your husband everyday. Where there is deep grief, there was deep love. You are very fortunate to have had that in your life because many people never find true lasting love. I'm hoping that you are finding some encouragement and support on this site and are able to carry that with you during the difficult times. Remember you're like a ship on the ocean and when the wind blows you can adjust your sails!
I just wanted to send you a message that I was thinking of you and hope you're having a nice day! 🌞

I was not having a nice day until I read your loving post. It has given me the will to take a shower, put on clean clothes and walk to the mailbox to pick up my mail. So thank you a bunch.

@thisismarilynb I hope you will make friends on your cruise. Just smile at everyone, say hello and introduce yourself! I make it a point to know the names of everyone I have met, and address them by their names when talking to them. Amazing how receptive people are when you do that! 🙂

This is good advice and I hope I can do it. My usual style is to just hide. Even now, I was going to delete your message, but decided that was not right. Thank you for reaching out Maybe I can do this.

Hi 👋🏻
I, too, could relate to much of what you wrote! I grew up in a dysfunctional home (alcoholic dad who died at 53, while I was at university.) Mom who was certainly codependent, trying to care for we 5 kids alone, as my dad didn’t have the skills etc. to be an adult. Most of us suffer for sometimes our entire lives because of childhood trauma. While I wasn’t abused, I simply didn’t have anyone who listened to me, helped me, well….we just didn’t function as a family. I tell people if I were to write a book about my life as a kid, the title would be: “An Orphan with a Home.” We had a nice home, never needed food, etc., but oh so dysfunctional. Over my entire adult life, it took its toll on me. And on you. Here in America, meeting friends is nearly impossible. But I do have ideas for you…see what you think.
First, I am seriously checking into doing either TMS or ECT treatments, both are now widely used by Psychiatrists who are current in their profession. Get rid of any notions of the movie: “One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest” as that movie has done a great disservice to these treatments! They are done differently, but both target the specific regions in the brain to help “jumpstart” the areas that can help with depression, PTSD, etc.
next up as an idea, see a therapist (even twice a month) who is current on DBT (dialectical behavior treatment), Childhood PTSD, and EMDR (rapid eye movement therapy.)
Just knowing you have somewhere to go twice a month is therapy in and of itself!
Thirdly, I do a ministry at an Assisted Living place, and the residents always seem ready to play cards or games with people (Canasta, Bingo, cards, Uno, etc.)
So just be a Volunteer, and do those things with people who’d become friends! Another win-win.
I’m big on volunteering, so do that once a week, and choose something that fits your abilities to move around, or do you need to sit, etc.
Another idea is simply go to a place where maybe YOU couldn’t do what they’re doing, but just sit there and watch! Like kickboxing, or a gym, or children’s ballet classes, or other children’s activities….whatever!
You could pick a children’s football ⚽️ team, and ask the coach if you could be the unofficial “Football Grandma Cheerleader 📣 !” The kids and parents would be thrilled!

Until next time from the U.S.!

Oh no, can't have that. Every life is valuable, I am watching pluto dream relax, trying to get through the night after a covid diagnosis. I am a caregiver. We will both make it through our darkest hours. I stumble upon this group when searching for a bit of comfort. I will trade you a story. I was orphaned at 15 years, motherless, papa was an alcoholic and indifferent. Grand MA was an alcoholic as well. My family is from the deep south, we were always hungry. As the youngest of three sisters, who belong to a cult, strangers are my closest friends, and make the best friends. The roses have now come alive, it's almost time for gardening. The sun will shine tomorrow just for you and me.

Hi, I am so glad you. reached out to this site. There are a lot of wonderful people who have walked your walk and are here to help you. I can understand your grief and missing your husband. I lost a husband in Viet Nam and thought my world had ended and why was life worth living.

IT's a wound that slowly heals. WE go through so many emotions that in my case frustrated me to no end I didn't believe anyone could understand on any left. Sadly people around us often avoid or can't deal with people who are at loss with missing a life companion and or illness. My thought is we all will walk a walk in life no matter. how rich, old, young we are. There is anger involved with loss, yet we all go through it in one form or another unless we are robotic. Think of it.

Nott to proselytize anyone's belief on even there are thousands of people who have had your experience, especial as that in your childhood. The anger do not resolve itself and forgiveness is not negotiable and it is not necessary to forgive anyone but. yourself on how. you feel.

You were lucky and. yes bless to have found the love of your life as other have not. That okay too. Yes, hold on to those memories. You husband I believe may come to you in dream. IT's comforting and valuable to heal. This is my belief. as I had this experience. I also would write letters to my husband on. how I felt after having lost. him and the future I had planned for us. It' a form of letting go with out judgement from anyone as it make us angry when anyone tries to tell you things that are of no use. They are just trying help and be kind but often do not say the right words to bring you peace and healing.

Yes a little volunteering even if it's a hour a week or a couple of hours does help especially with children. They bring the light and joy to many people especially with those children who do not have grandmothers. A nursery school may enjoy having you read to them or have play time with them simple tasks are fun with children'.They love volunteers. Local city senior center have different activities as well. There are other women and men who have lost spouces . A garden club or can you teach on any kind of format? Baking Cookies, sewing, ceramics, crafts? These groups especially city one take trip. Our group when to a flower exp in Philadelphia. Great fun.

Lastly may I suggest checking out You Tube.John Bradshaw. I love this man. HE was a pastor and a psychologist and had videos on Healing the Inner child, Homecoming and other of great value and are so helpful to help anyone understand the trauma of childhood and begin to. heal from abuses so you can free yourself of what has has transpired in your life. ITs healing a wound that festers because of our memories which are locked in our mind. They also affect our spirt and do not allow you to move forward at any age ... HE speak of regaining your inner child. So much there it's difficult to share all this subject matter. Some series on You TUBE are short and other are the full lecture. HE wasn't a quack. He was featured on PBS when filming was done with video crassests There are audio tapes I believe and his books which can be found on different formats. Barnes and NOBLES , Ebay, ec ec. or even a local library. This John Bradshaw was from Houston Texas and had a beard. There is another person with the same name that I believe has capitalize on the original John Bradshaw teaching and lecture. Often university libraries may have his books and tapes. The books are great but tapes and You tube videos are even better. His tapes include regaining your inner child . They are empowering and in my opinion have served to help a great many people in pain as yourself. Hope this helps. Please try to find this... John Bradshaw series have helps thousands of people who as. yourself were ready to throw in the towel. You still have much to contribute to the world from your own experiences and knowledge, You are a survivor ... Move forward. Listen to the birds Commune with nature and if you have f friends try not to push them away. They are only trying to help but after a while they can give up on. you and feel you need to meet them half way to move forward. We all will walk the walk. Sending good vibes.

Yes, I feel your good vibes. Thank you for the encouragement. A lot of the things you mention are not for me, though. I have never been able to connect well with people. I have mentioned this to my therapist. So I am used to being alone. Although now without my husband there is also loneliness. I am aware that volunteers do great work, but I have shied away from it for two reasons. The first is my inability to connect to other people and the second is that I feel I am too old. At 88 I don't have the stamina. I like to sleep in in the mornings. I move slowly through the day as I get things done. Fortunately I am still able to maintain my independence and will cling to that as long as I can. Also I am a humanist and don't have much use for organized religion. This bothers a lot of people because they don't understand or want to understand. But it makes sense to me and as far I am concerned that's all that counts. I do not like anyone preaching at me. My health otherwise is fairly good and I don't take very much medication so who knows how many more years I might have? I do feel extremely fortunate to still maintain my mind. I will go on YouTube to find John Bradshaw after breakfast. Thank you so much for caring. It means a lot.