There Comes Things in Life You Can Only Learn in a Storm

Well, I think I have "it" figured out, and it really is not so profound. However, just when I needed a friend, all of mine seemed to have gone AWOL. No, I am not feeling sorry for myself, just contemplating that after years of trying to be the best friend to those around me, whose relationships I cherished and "fed," these "friends" don't want to offer me any kind of comfort. I really don't complain, but even if I text my close friend and ask her if she has time for a quick call, her response is usually, "Are you okay D?" This means don't call or I she does not want to talk to me. I have known this person since college, 40 something years, yet she is unable to even call me as say: "Hey, how are you doing?" Knowing full well I would never tell her the truth because I don't want her to know the truth. What it is about people who only want to talk about the weather or gardening. mundane things? I recently reconnected with another college friend who has been very generous in terms of gifts, money and things of that nature. But here's the thing, he keeps sending me pictures of himself in the epitome of health, running with his friends and things of that nature. Now he has started sending me pictures that are bordering on "awful" and I am trying to decide whether to call him on this or not, because in all honesty his financial support and gifts have been very helpful and useful.
A friend killed herself recently and last night I actually went online to find out some of the reasons people do this sort of thing, even though I have a cousin who did the same thing. I realized that not everyone who takes their own life is depressed, but rather trying to escape something, such as chronic pain, a chronic illness and things of that nature that all make very good sense to me.
So this evening I decided to finally get rid of all of the clothing that no longer fits me, as I figured it would save time later.....You know, Swedish Death Cleaning. No, I am not inclined to do anything stupid at the moment, but do see this as viable "option" in my circumstance/ My family has failed me, my friends are failing me and my community has failed me. Every day this week I have come home to my apartment and burst into tears because I feel such an incredible sense of loss. I am not lonely in as much as I feel very alone. Yes, I have many talents and stay as busy as I possibly can, but noticed tonight that the minute I stop, I feel overwhelmed with grief about my life, past, present and future.
So, in an attempt to let go of my privacy and humility, I am posting this tonight.
Thank you