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Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

Posted by Colleen Young, Connect Director @colleenyoung, Sep 1, 2017

Are you living with advanced cancer (sometimes referred to as stage 4 or metastatic cancer)?
This discussion is a safe space where you can connect with others to talk about the realities of living with limited time. It's not easy to find people who understand what it is like. For many reasons, you may not feel comfortable talking about your thoughts and emotions with friends or family. Perhaps you are alone. Even if you are surrounded by people who support you, you may experience intense loneliness.

Connect is a place where honest conversation can safely take place. You can speak frankly and be heard without judgement. I invite you to share your reality facing death and living now.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer Support Group.

Profile picture for shortshot80
shortshot80 | @shortshot80 | Mar 27, 2018
In reply to @shortshot80 "Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I..." + (show)
Profile picture for shortshot80 @shortshot80

Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I think. My face was sow swollen, eyes just slits, could not wear my dentures, eyses so itchiy and not worth a darn. I say my cancer doc last Thursday, be off chemo till the 29th and will have imunetherapy fusion then. Hopefully this will set better. I have also lost weight, been in the hospital for four days, My husband of 90 was in the hospital for 9 days with UTI, and pneomnia. It has been hectic to say the least. And the weatjer has been just awful. Wind, rain, some snow on the beach of Oregon. My vision is bad macular degeneration too. If I make it to the 19th of march I will be 85. Just has been "not fun!. My spelling isn't good today either. Just wanted you to know that most things are not easy any more. Nancy

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Hi Teresa, (shortshot80) Nancy. Things are somewhat down to a small roar... Next is... I saw my heart doc yesterday, Seems that my pacemaker has stopped working. I have to have the battery changed next Monday April 2. My doc is 65-70 miles away. I have to be at
the hospital at 6;30 am for surgery at 8am. Will have to be in the hospital for aprox 5 - 6 hours afterward. He has to change the battery and make a few adjustments. Then the drive home of one - one half hours. . See my cancer doc on this coming Thursday to see what will happen next. I'm feeling somewhat better than I was a month ago. Still a touchy stomach. Hopefully that will be gone soon. I have lost over 20 pounds with all that has happened. I had panic attacks in bed, (thinking I could not breath) (cancer) So am on some lorazepam. Really does help and am finially getting some sleep. Positive outlook helps.. Will keep you posted as I can. Nancy

REPLY
Profile picture for Teresa, Volunteer Mentor
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Mar 22, 2018
In reply to @shortshot80 "Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I..." + (show)
Profile picture for shortshot80 @shortshot80

Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I think. My face was sow swollen, eyes just slits, could not wear my dentures, eyses so itchiy and not worth a darn. I say my cancer doc last Thursday, be off chemo till the 29th and will have imunetherapy fusion then. Hopefully this will set better. I have also lost weight, been in the hospital for four days, My husband of 90 was in the hospital for 9 days with UTI, and pneomnia. It has been hectic to say the least. And the weatjer has been just awful. Wind, rain, some snow on the beach of Oregon. My vision is bad macular degeneration too. If I make it to the 19th of march I will be 85. Just has been "not fun!. My spelling isn't good today either. Just wanted you to know that most things are not easy any more. Nancy

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@shortshot80 Hi Nancy:

I am so glad that you are doing better, I really missed hearing from you. Anxiety is pretty easy to treat and often meds and physical problems can cause anxiety. What a blessing that your primary doctor figured it out. I am so glad that you had a good birthday.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Teresa

REPLY
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shortshot80 | @shortshot80 | Mar 21, 2018
In reply to @shortshot80 "Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I..." + (show)
Profile picture for shortshot80 @shortshot80

Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I think. My face was sow swollen, eyes just slits, could not wear my dentures, eyses so itchiy and not worth a darn. I say my cancer doc last Thursday, be off chemo till the 29th and will have imunetherapy fusion then. Hopefully this will set better. I have also lost weight, been in the hospital for four days, My husband of 90 was in the hospital for 9 days with UTI, and pneomnia. It has been hectic to say the least. And the weatjer has been just awful. Wind, rain, some snow on the beach of Oregon. My vision is bad macular degeneration too. If I make it to the 19th of march I will be 85. Just has been "not fun!. My spelling isn't good today either. Just wanted you to know that most things are not easy any more. Nancy

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Hi Teresa, Finally I think I am getting a little better. The last month and half have been very stressfull. First I could no eat very much, then no sleep, then I couldn't breathe... Seemed like I wasn't going to get better at all. I have been to the doc's and Yesterday I sawmy primary
doc. I just told him how I felt, So turned all my problems to him. Well he said something that finally made sence. . I was having "panic attacks, quite regularly. Didn not even think that as I have never been afraid of much of anything. Well doc gave me pill (prescription for some "lorazepam" I think that is a life savor...... I was able to sleep through the night last night and I have even eating a little more. I had spent four days in the hospital, (didn't figurer it out the). Think things will be better not.. Slow but that's ok.
My 85 th birthday was just great. I had many email, cards , phone calls. I even had a family from Texas call and sing to me. That was special. ..... Thanks for asking .... Be back soon. Nancy shortshot80

REPLY
Profile picture for Teresa, Volunteer Mentor
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Mar 21, 2018
In reply to @shortshot80 "Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I..." + (show)
Profile picture for shortshot80 @shortshot80

Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I think. My face was sow swollen, eyes just slits, could not wear my dentures, eyses so itchiy and not worth a darn. I say my cancer doc last Thursday, be off chemo till the 29th and will have imunetherapy fusion then. Hopefully this will set better. I have also lost weight, been in the hospital for four days, My husband of 90 was in the hospital for 9 days with UTI, and pneomnia. It has been hectic to say the least. And the weatjer has been just awful. Wind, rain, some snow on the beach of Oregon. My vision is bad macular degeneration too. If I make it to the 19th of march I will be 85. Just has been "not fun!. My spelling isn't good today either. Just wanted you to know that most things are not easy any more. Nancy

Jump to this post

@shortshot80 Hello Nancy,

I hope that this post finds you better from the side effects you mentioned in your last post. I hope that your birthday on Monday was a good one for you.

I would love to hear from you when you feel up to it.

Teresa

REPLY
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saltis | @saltis | Mar 5, 2018
In reply to @saltis "Hi friends, Everybody tells me that I look fablous & not at all sick. Nobody ever..." + (show)
Profile picture for saltis @saltis

Hi friends,
Everybody tells me that I look fablous & not at all sick. Nobody ever told me that I look fab when it was important & I wasn't sick. 22 years of cancer & now for the last 3 years stage 4 & it has spread to my chest, too. Hopefully I would start my new treatment on Tuesday and by then I hope to be able to breath as before, normally. My new chemo is based on pills Capecitabin, 8 ones everyday in two weeks time & then a rest week & then I would continue two other weeks.
Sometimes I feel that my oncolog is a bit intimated by me and blurbs out words or phrases that are not so diplomatic but he is a human being and my fablousness puts him in disadvantage, lol! Like while treating my lung problem I started to notice that my right breast which was operated and a fourth of it was taken away is losing it's form and now is stuck like a clump on my chest and is a very little thing. Anyway he has never seen anything like it and then he tells me that I have lived quite a long time with my cancers and must expect organ failures in future. I asked him is there anything I can do?
He told me No, just don't expect too much! You mean no biggest lottery Prize? Between us I still feel that I am lucky and I have my family & friends around me. When I can breath I feel lucky & everything would work out for the best somehow.
Take care folk and enjoy your day, night ...

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Thanks Teresa for your kind letter. Take care❤️

REPLY
Profile picture for Teresa, Volunteer Mentor
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Mar 5, 2018
In reply to @saltis "Hi friends, Everybody tells me that I look fablous & not at all sick. Nobody ever..." + (show)
Profile picture for saltis @saltis

Hi friends,
Everybody tells me that I look fablous & not at all sick. Nobody ever told me that I look fab when it was important & I wasn't sick. 22 years of cancer & now for the last 3 years stage 4 & it has spread to my chest, too. Hopefully I would start my new treatment on Tuesday and by then I hope to be able to breath as before, normally. My new chemo is based on pills Capecitabin, 8 ones everyday in two weeks time & then a rest week & then I would continue two other weeks.
Sometimes I feel that my oncolog is a bit intimated by me and blurbs out words or phrases that are not so diplomatic but he is a human being and my fablousness puts him in disadvantage, lol! Like while treating my lung problem I started to notice that my right breast which was operated and a fourth of it was taken away is losing it's form and now is stuck like a clump on my chest and is a very little thing. Anyway he has never seen anything like it and then he tells me that I have lived quite a long time with my cancers and must expect organ failures in future. I asked him is there anything I can do?
He told me No, just don't expect too much! You mean no biggest lottery Prize? Between us I still feel that I am lucky and I have my family & friends around me. When I can breath I feel lucky & everything would work out for the best somehow.
Take care folk and enjoy your day, night ...

Jump to this post

Hello @saltis

Your post brightened my day! I appreciate the positive attitude you have managed to maintain. I am glad to hear that you got through a rather tough bout of the flu.

Teresa

REPLY
Profile picture for saltis
saltis | @saltis | Mar 5, 2018
In reply to @saltis "Hi friends, Everybody tells me that I look fablous & not at all sick. Nobody ever..." + (show)
Profile picture for saltis @saltis

Hi friends,
Everybody tells me that I look fablous & not at all sick. Nobody ever told me that I look fab when it was important & I wasn't sick. 22 years of cancer & now for the last 3 years stage 4 & it has spread to my chest, too. Hopefully I would start my new treatment on Tuesday and by then I hope to be able to breath as before, normally. My new chemo is based on pills Capecitabin, 8 ones everyday in two weeks time & then a rest week & then I would continue two other weeks.
Sometimes I feel that my oncolog is a bit intimated by me and blurbs out words or phrases that are not so diplomatic but he is a human being and my fablousness puts him in disadvantage, lol! Like while treating my lung problem I started to notice that my right breast which was operated and a fourth of it was taken away is losing it's form and now is stuck like a clump on my chest and is a very little thing. Anyway he has never seen anything like it and then he tells me that I have lived quite a long time with my cancers and must expect organ failures in future. I asked him is there anything I can do?
He told me No, just don't expect too much! You mean no biggest lottery Prize? Between us I still feel that I am lucky and I have my family & friends around me. When I can breath I feel lucky & everything would work out for the best somehow.
Take care folk and enjoy your day, night ...

Jump to this post

You are so right. I really enjoy life & love hanging out with the loved ones and new friends. I see my grand daughter grow and one is on his way to this world of us, too. I made thru flu which took a month & everybody specially my doctors were quite worried after my lungs malfunction and the following operation to restore it's function. But anyway life is good & sharing the love with others, even better.
Take care,

REPLY
Profile picture for allisonsnow
allisonsnow | @allisonsnow | Mar 5, 2018
In reply to @saltis "Hi friends, Everybody tells me that I look fablous & not at all sick. Nobody ever..." + (show)
Profile picture for saltis @saltis

Hi friends,
Everybody tells me that I look fablous & not at all sick. Nobody ever told me that I look fab when it was important & I wasn't sick. 22 years of cancer & now for the last 3 years stage 4 & it has spread to my chest, too. Hopefully I would start my new treatment on Tuesday and by then I hope to be able to breath as before, normally. My new chemo is based on pills Capecitabin, 8 ones everyday in two weeks time & then a rest week & then I would continue two other weeks.
Sometimes I feel that my oncolog is a bit intimated by me and blurbs out words or phrases that are not so diplomatic but he is a human being and my fablousness puts him in disadvantage, lol! Like while treating my lung problem I started to notice that my right breast which was operated and a fourth of it was taken away is losing it's form and now is stuck like a clump on my chest and is a very little thing. Anyway he has never seen anything like it and then he tells me that I have lived quite a long time with my cancers and must expect organ failures in future. I asked him is there anything I can do?
He told me No, just don't expect too much! You mean no biggest lottery Prize? Between us I still feel that I am lucky and I have my family & friends around me. When I can breath I feel lucky & everything would work out for the best somehow.
Take care folk and enjoy your day, night ...

Jump to this post

Made me smile when you wrote "Nobody ever told me I looked fab when it was important" and then it made me sad. I wish you had support when it was important, but know that you are making up for it now ! Connect gives you so much support!!!!! and you can tell people mean what they say , they have been thru it(what ever it is), What bothered me the most about what the Dr. said was Don't expect to much....WHAT ...I expect everything!!... I expect to be treated like an intelligent human being....I have earned the right to be respected.....I WILL maintain my dignity till the end...AND MOST IMPORTANT .... I expect...no I KNOW.....that God has a plan...I don't know what his plan always is but I trust him.....Nine years ago I was told I had months to live and here I still am.. it has been a difficult journey but with all the prayers and support in every direction I am able to LIVE my life...not the same life I will admit but I able to continue with HOPE and acceptance. I am no angel I get very! frustrated sometimes(read some of my past posts LOL) but with help I work thru it. Well ...will quit rambling for now. I admire your strength and sometimes some Dr.'s need to be put in their place! LOL

REPLY
Profile picture for Teresa, Volunteer Mentor
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Mar 5, 2018
In reply to @shortshot80 "Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I..." + (show)
Profile picture for shortshot80 @shortshot80

Teresa, (shortshot80) Hi Teresa, I have been so sick since the last chemo Feb, 6 I think. My face was sow swollen, eyes just slits, could not wear my dentures, eyses so itchiy and not worth a darn. I say my cancer doc last Thursday, be off chemo till the 29th and will have imunetherapy fusion then. Hopefully this will set better. I have also lost weight, been in the hospital for four days, My husband of 90 was in the hospital for 9 days with UTI, and pneomnia. It has been hectic to say the least. And the weatjer has been just awful. Wind, rain, some snow on the beach of Oregon. My vision is bad macular degeneration too. If I make it to the 19th of march I will be 85. Just has been "not fun!. My spelling isn't good today either. Just wanted you to know that most things are not easy any more. Nancy

Jump to this post

@shortshot80 Hello Nancy:

It is so good to hear from you again. I am so sorry that this has been such a tough time for you and your husband. I hope that your "chemo-break" will be good for you and that the immunotherapy will help you as well.

I'd like to wish you a happy birthday in advance - we are both "March babies" as my birthday comes up this weekend. Weather here in Michigan has been bad as well.

Your posts add such a good diminestion to Connect - I so appreciate hearing from you.

Might you feel God's blessings on your life during this month of your 85th birthday!

Teresa

REPLY
Profile picture for saltis
saltis | @saltis | Mar 5, 2018

Dearest Nancy,
When I read your post, I feel your strenght although you maynot feel it now. With all the side-effects of your chemo (I was receiving another kind of chemo for a while back and because of all the problems inside and outside of my body, bleedings & more I told my family & doctor that nothing is worth & decided to end the chemo treatment, then after a break of few weeks, I started another kind & it seems to work for now. I have three tumors and stage 4), your dear husband’s health condition, you still have the time to lament about your spelling. Do something which pleases you & gives you extra energi. I usually hug my granddaughter or my son or my darling husband.
Would like to Wish you a happy happy birthday, and send you lots of love and positive energi all the way from a snowy Stockholm.

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