Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

I got up to pea and saw all the lights left on! and since I am wide awake thought I would sign in. Just read the opening comment for the first time I believe. now I have tears slowly trailing down my face, friends really do not get it. and I don't think they want to. Who would? Why would you go on this emotional rollercoaster if you didn't have to? That can make for a lonely place and that is what is getting me down tonight/today. I get selfish and just because I need someone to talk to that "gets it" I expect them to be there. I am sure I have made this comment before ...but if one more person says "well everyone is going to die" "I could get hit by a bus tomorrow" ( and why always a bus?)????? It belittles our feelings as though dying of cancer is nothing special...they have to face dying also...so NOT THE SAME as we all know...it is special and takes a special person, someone brave, caring, loving and strong. Some days just wish I wasn't "so special" well back to bed and not sleeping. Have a good night and better morning to all.

I got up to pea and saw all the lights left on! and since I am wide awake thought I would sign in. Just read the opening comment for the first time I believe. now I have tears slowly trailing down my face, friends really do not get it. and I don't think they want to. Who would? Why would you go on this emotional rollercoaster if you didn't have to? That can make for a lonely place and that is what is getting me down tonight/today. I get selfish and just because I need someone to talk to that "gets it" I expect them to be there. I am sure I have made this comment before ...but if one more person says "well everyone is going to die" "I could get hit by a bus tomorrow" ( and why always a bus?)????? It belittles our feelings as though dying of cancer is nothing special...they have to face dying also...so NOT THE SAME as we all know...it is special and takes a special person, someone brave, caring, loving and strong. Some days just wish I wasn't "so special" well back to bed and not sleeping. Have a good night and better morning to all.

This breaks my heart because I know what you are feeling and I'm so far away in New Zealand but I reach out to you across the waters. I've been lucky with my repeated cancers and have come back from the brink a few times - feel such compassion to those who have to really face up to their mortality more immediately. We all seem to live in denial of death - even older folk like me - until we are forced to confront it. That's when it hurts. But you are not alone. I get it. Much love to you.

Tomorrow I go in for radiosurgery on my pancreas.
When I was first diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, I was told that I was not a candidate for surgery or radiation. However, the cancer responded to Folfirinox/Folfiri treatments. The nearly two dozen tumors in my liver are resolved, and the 2inch tumor in my pancreas is a fuzzy haze on the scans. I'm slowly buying back time.

We are going in to zap the original source of the cancer and hopefully kill of a few more cancer cells.

My oncology teams said we are in uncharted territory, and there is a 2% chance the procedure could be fatal. There is also a chance that we could damage my small intestine. However, the benefits far outweigh the risks. We are trying to stay on top of the cancer.

I am 45, and I am fighting for my life. I'm both nervous and excited about this procedure. I'm also nervous about skipping chemo for a month. What if the cancer starts to grow somewhere else while we zap the pancreas?

Here's going into the big unknown.

Tomorrow I go in for radiosurgery on my pancreas.
When I was first diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, I was told that I was not a candidate for surgery or radiation. However, the cancer responded to Folfirinox/Folfiri treatments. The nearly two dozen tumors in my liver are resolved, and the 2inch tumor in my pancreas is a fuzzy haze on the scans. I'm slowly buying back time.

We are going in to zap the original source of the cancer and hopefully kill of a few more cancer cells.

My oncology teams said we are in uncharted territory, and there is a 2% chance the procedure could be fatal. There is also a chance that we could damage my small intestine. However, the benefits far outweigh the risks. We are trying to stay on top of the cancer.

I am 45, and I am fighting for my life. I'm both nervous and excited about this procedure. I'm also nervous about skipping chemo for a month. What if the cancer starts to grow somewhere else while we zap the pancreas?

Here's going into the big unknown.

Has started snowing supposed to get 6 in. but surprisingly I am in a good mood! got 3 GOOD hours of sleep ! so I am ambitious ...if I get half of my list done I will be satisfied. Does anyone here have that same problem? Even after all these years in my brain I am still healthy and I can breathe...so I make plans and get all excited and then reality sets in...
I am tired and panting on only my second time down the stairs to the basement. My back is killing from vaccumimg...reality can be a bummer sometimes. But today I am going to try to keep pushing thru, I feel so good when I can get stuff done!!!!!
That is important in our battle with cancer...no matter what kind...keep pushing thru...take breaks, give into the pain sometimes but then keep on going. I have found that it is the sitting and doing nothing may help my back but it wreaks havoc with my depression. I feel so worthless most of the time and my husband can have a sharp and mean spirited toungue sometimes. I don't think he means to most of the time but he gets frustrated also. He has had to deal with being told to "prepare" himself more than once that's for sure.
oohhh! shake that off and back to work !!! Keep pushing thru !!!!!