Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

I got up to pea and saw all the lights left on! and since I am wide awake thought I would sign in. Just read the opening comment for the first time I believe. now I have tears slowly trailing down my face, friends really do not get it. and I don't think they want to. Who would? Why would you go on this emotional rollercoaster if you didn't have to? That can make for a lonely place and that is what is getting me down tonight/today. I get selfish and just because I need someone to talk to that "gets it" I expect them to be there. I am sure I have made this comment before ...but if one more person says "well everyone is going to die" "I could get hit by a bus tomorrow" ( and why always a bus?)????? It belittles our feelings as though dying of cancer is nothing special...they have to face dying also...so NOT THE SAME as we all know...it is special and takes a special person, someone brave, caring, loving and strong. Some days just wish I wasn't "so special" well back to bed and not sleeping. Have a good night and better morning to all.

@nogginquest am thinking of you...Good Luck...sending a prayer

@nogginquest Hi there. I am a mentor for the mac/bronchiectasis group (lung diseases). Occassionally, posts from other groups cross my path and I read them. Your post caught my attention. You are an incredibly corageous person to chart your way through your illness the way you do. It sounds like you are making some good progress. Are you getting treatment at the Mayo Clinic? I wish you continued success with your treatments. I hope you stay in touch.

Hello @nogginquest

I certainly admire your step "into the big unknown" as you so aptly phrase it! I will be thinking of you and I hope that all goes well.

Staying on top of cancer can be quite a journey as many of us know.

I'll look forward to hearing from you.

Teresa

Tomorrow I go in for radiosurgery on my pancreas.
When I was first diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, I was told that I was not a candidate for surgery or radiation. However, the cancer responded to Folfirinox/Folfiri treatments. The nearly two dozen tumors in my liver are resolved, and the 2inch tumor in my pancreas is a fuzzy haze on the scans. I'm slowly buying back time.

We are going in to zap the original source of the cancer and hopefully kill of a few more cancer cells.

My oncology teams said we are in uncharted territory, and there is a 2% chance the procedure could be fatal. There is also a chance that we could damage my small intestine. However, the benefits far outweigh the risks. We are trying to stay on top of the cancer.

I am 45, and I am fighting for my life. I'm both nervous and excited about this procedure. I'm also nervous about skipping chemo for a month. What if the cancer starts to grow somewhere else while we zap the pancreas?

Here's going into the big unknown.

I'm so glad for your good day. I've been playing a scavenger hunt all day. My local library, and my workplace, is offering a combination virtual and physical game this week.

BTW, I have stage IV pancreatic cancer, but I'm currently in partial remission. I'm trying to live as much life as possible while I can.

Keep living to the fullest, and enjoy every small victory.

to @alanr Please forgive me for maligning wonderful husbands, which mine is one of. Learning understanding and respect for each other can be difficult in normal times and I hope what I am living now Never becomes normal times. We all love and appreciate our caregivers whoever they maybe and it probably bothers him a lot that this third time he has not been able to be my caregiver. I was just starting chemo again when he had a horrific accident on his ATV and broke a hip and his pelvis in 3 places but I tried the best I could to take good care of him when he came home. I did have to break down and accept help for his sake, I didn't want him to see how hard it was for me when taking care of him was the least I could do. Months later and we are both still in pain and just plain tired but he works so hard and plays hard because it gives him joy. Thanks for reminding me to be thankful above all.

Forgive us husbands with "mean and spirited" tongues. I often am part of that grouping. It must be an abnormal gene that many of us were handed and have not learned to control it. At the end of the day when we are composed and are organizing our thoughts and considering our blessings we give our thanks, though many times not verbally expressed, to those we have often offended. It is so ignorant of us to emotionally hurt those we love. You are loved and admired, especially for your forgiveness, for your struggles I feel that your hubby many times harbors remorse for his actions. He loves you.

Well done with the vacuuming. Not a nice job but so satisfying afterwards. Do you write a to do list - keeping it realistic of course - but good to tick things off. It's the simple things ...

Has started snowing supposed to get 6 in. but surprisingly I am in a good mood! got 3 GOOD hours of sleep ! so I am ambitious ...if I get half of my list done I will be satisfied. Does anyone here have that same problem? Even after all these years in my brain I am still healthy and I can breathe...so I make plans and get all excited and then reality sets in...
I am tired and panting on only my second time down the stairs to the basement. My back is killing from vaccumimg...reality can be a bummer sometimes. But today I am going to try to keep pushing thru, I feel so good when I can get stuff done!!!!!
That is important in our battle with cancer...no matter what kind...keep pushing thru...take breaks, give into the pain sometimes but then keep on going. I have found that it is the sitting and doing nothing may help my back but it wreaks havoc with my depression. I feel so worthless most of the time and my husband can have a sharp and mean spirited toungue sometimes. I don't think he means to most of the time but he gets frustrated also. He has had to deal with being told to "prepare" himself more than once that's for sure.
oohhh! shake that off and back to work !!! Keep pushing thru !!!!!