Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

I hear you @lbern My wife was in her 40s when she was diagnosed with her cancer. Your feelings/thoughts are many of the same ones she voiced to me. Most of her energy was needed to fight her illness, but when she felt 'up' she did do a few things that helped when she was gone. They didn't necessary remove her sadness, but she did feel some positivity from them. Writing down her wishes and arrangements was an immense help. Discussing and implementing needed changes to our wills, etc. also helped her. She reached out to a few folks she wanted to make amends with, while at the same time remaining comfortable ignoring several others who she was content to 'leave sleeping dogs lie' as she put it to me. She also gave a few gifts to family members. I must say she beamed every time she saw them with her gifted item on or when it was spoken about. This also cemented how important the item was to the person she gave it to.

She also bought a small lighted sign for us. We kept it by her bedside and often she'd hit the button on top to light it up and to reassure her she was doing what she could that day/at that time. You can see it here -- I now have it in a cabinet and often find myself giving it a tap on and again!

Wish I had something more concrete to offer...keep up the good fight!

Strength, courage, and peace!

i am new to this discussion group, but it certainly is right for me. I am facing a prognosis of 6-12 months, but 4 months have already went by and my folfirinox treatment looks like it's not working,although it helped first month. (pancreatic cancer). I am panicked thinking what can I do to prepare my family to live without me. Then I get tired and sleep and feel I've wasted precious time. I'm 58 and have 3 kids in college in their 20's, my heart breaks thinking of their needs and me not being there for them.

i am new to this discussion group, but it certainly is right for me. I am facing a prognosis of 6-12 months, but 4 months have already went by and my folfirinox treatment looks like it's not working,although it helped first month. (pancreatic cancer). I am panicked thinking what can I do to prepare my family to live without me. Then I get tired and sleep and feel I've wasted precious time. I'm 58 and have 3 kids in college in their 20's, my heart breaks thinking of their needs and me not being there for them.

Hello All:

Mayo's Cancer Education Center recently posted an article about Embracing Gratitude when faced with a cancer diagnosis and/or treatment. As many of you have developed positive attitudes regarding your own journeys with cancer, I thought you would find it interesting and perhaps helpful as well.

Here is the link to the article, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/cancer-education-center/newsfeed/take-a-moment-to-embrace-gratitude-this-season-1/

I just posted to this article. Will you do the same?

Hello All:

Mayo's Cancer Education Center recently posted an article about Embracing Gratitude when faced with a cancer diagnosis and/or treatment. As many of you have developed positive attitudes regarding your own journeys with cancer, I thought you would find it interesting and perhaps helpful as well.

Here is the link to the article, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/cancer-education-center/newsfeed/take-a-moment-to-embrace-gratitude-this-season-1/

I just posted to this article. Will you do the same?

I bet you would have @ventibug She was a pistol for sure! 100% full Italian, driven, loving, and an amazing partner who always had my back. She and I were about polar opposites. She was creative, an artist, and an entrepreneur who created a chain of five children's clothing stores and then reinvented herself as an accomplished interior designer. I don't have a creative bone in my body, can't draw in a coloring book, and always worked for large firms.

At the end of her life, when she was designing her Celebration of Life, she asked me to get a second sheet of paper. I did and asked why. She said it would be for the list of those folks she wanted me to invite to her Celebration. I said 'honey, these things are not usually done 'by invitation only' you know!' She responded with (pardon the language) 'Scott, I don't want someone in our living room blowing smoke up your a*s telling you how much they cared about me after I'm dead, when they didn't give a sh*t about me when I was alive'.

56 names. 54 attended (the only two who missed were overseas). She even picked the wine to be served. We drained 62 bottles that night!

Yes, I think you might have enjoyed her!

Strength, courage, and peace!

Brave to Kay and you! Keep up the great team
work! Bless you both!

Hi Colleen - I found my way to this discussion somehow. I wasn’t aware that it existed, but thank you for initiating it.
As you know, my 76 year old wife - Kay, has stage 4 metastatic NSCLC, and seems to be coping well with it...under her post op immunotherapy treatments..on-going since December, 2016. WE ARE BLESSED! KAY was diagnosed in April, 2015.
I can only say that KAY has a positive attitude, rarely complains and keeps busy with housework, and participating in her many card clubs and social gatherings. She plays golf with her group of gals on Mondays, and even helps with the yard work. She is a great cook!
Initially, she backed off on many of those activities...but says that she now believes if she slows down too much she will die! Fortunately, her infusions every three weeks leave her with minimal side effects!
We both know that her days may be numbered but choose to not dwell on that. Rather, we take life “one day at a time”...we spend time with family and friends and try to dwell on the positives! When asked about her disease, we try to explain it factually and then move on to the positive elements of our lives,
We try to help others understand the importance of listening to our bodies! If you have issues do not ignore them. If you go to a doctor for care and don’t like his/her strategy or answers get another opinion. This is so important! We got caught up in the pertuity of care with a pulmimologist who simply refused to admit that KAY had lung cancer. This went on for approximately 15 months and resulted in an unnecessary surgery for” gastro issues”!
She says her Bible study group participation has helped her immensely! She recommends that type of support to everyone living with advanced lung cancer! Her faith in God has helped us both!
We also believe the molecular study was crucial to determining her therapy. Had Mayo not ordered that study, we believe KAY would have by now been long gone!
We are here for anyone who wishes to talk!