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Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

Posted by Colleen Young, Connect Director @colleenyoung, Sep 1, 2017

Are you living with advanced cancer (sometimes referred to as stage 4 or metastatic cancer)?
This discussion is a safe space where you can connect with others to talk about the realities of living with limited time. It's not easy to find people who understand what it is like. For many reasons, you may not feel comfortable talking about your thoughts and emotions with friends or family. Perhaps you are alone. Even if you are surrounded by people who support you, you may experience intense loneliness.

Connect is a place where honest conversation can safely take place. You can speak frankly and be heard without judgement. I invite you to share your reality facing death and living now.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer Support Group.

Chuckkeels@LivingHope | @hannahkeels | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@hannahkeels Welcome to Mayo Connect, we're glad you are here. Chuck, I can just see that..." + (show)
@gingerw

@hannahkeels Welcome to Mayo Connect, we're glad you are here. Chuck, I can just see that you would be such an inspiration to so many! And your experience is the best education to pass on. My husband and I met on our kidney journey, at a support group. We had barely gone out once when he was transplanted, and I was a caregiver for him! Isn't it funny how adversities place people in our lives?
Ginger

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I call them God moments. It used to blow my mind but God does it so often now it’s part of my day. I love your story and your fight!!!

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leannn | @leannn | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@leann @kathleenkin Thank you for posting the photos of your lovely dogs. I check into this..." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@leann @kathleenkin Thank you for posting the photos of your lovely dogs. I check into this discussion but have not posted in awhile and I was pleasantly surprised by the photos. Our companion animals are such a blessing. As soon as I sit down, one of the cats is on my lap and if we let the cats into the bedroom at night they would both sleep on or next to us (my partner says no animals in the bedroom).

I worry about recurrence or second cancers. I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer (endometrial adenocarcinoma FIGO Grade 1) in July, 2019) and went to Mayo Clinic in Rochester after I got the diagnosis from my local gynecologist. At Mayo, I had a radical hysterectomy with salpingo-oopherectomy and pathology after surgery showed that the adenocarcinoma was 1a with minimal invasion in the myometrium and no spread. So, I'm a cancer survivor. I'm due for my first 6 month follow-up in February, 2020 and I'll return to Mayo in Rochester for that appointment and all of my follow-up care.

I'm trying to think why I'm writing this now. Maybe it's the worry in the back of my mind that never completely leaves although is often suppressed in my day-to-day life. What else can I or any of us do but live with our lives that we share with our humans and companion animals? And some of us, like Marshall, get to share our gifts as therapy animals! And notice our blessings everyday.

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@kathleenkin You're welcome @naturegirl5 ! Aw, our furry friends are the best! Like @kathleenkin and yourself said, those worries are normal, likely always be there in the back of our minds regardless of where and what our stories are. But we cope, hope, and keep living this life with our loved ones and furry friends! Yes, we are survivors! I'll make a note, send a few prayers, on my calendar for Feb. and your first month follow up!

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @hannahkeels "We do it all. Meet with patients, work with them on the phone or face time,..." + (show)
@hannahkeels

We do it all. Meet with patients, work with them on the phone or face time, public speak at cancer clinics, churches and businesses. My qualification came form my life experience. Stage 4 survivor.

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@hannahkeels Welcome to Mayo Connect, we're glad you are here. Chuck, I can just see that you would be such an inspiration to so many! And your experience is the best education to pass on. My husband and I met on our kidney journey, at a support group. We had barely gone out once when he was transplanted, and I was a caregiver for him! Isn't it funny how adversities place people in our lives?
Ginger

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1 reply
kathleenkin | @kathleenkin | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @hannahkeels "We do it all. Meet with patients, work with them on the phone or face time,..." + (show)
@hannahkeels

We do it all. Meet with patients, work with them on the phone or face time, public speak at cancer clinics, churches and businesses. My qualification came form my life experience. Stage 4 survivor.

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Yay for you! You keep being you!

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kathleenkin | @kathleenkin | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @leannn "I like your thinking @kathleenkin - We have thought this way, but admit to dropping the..." + (show)
@leannn

I like your thinking @kathleenkin - We have thought this way, but admit to dropping the ball lately. Time to pick up the celebrations. I really love your last line, I'm jotting that one down. "Do not give one minute to cancer, it isn't worthy of your time. Blessings to you as well and thank you for taking your time to help.

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You are more than cancer. Don't let it run or ruin your life. Keep your heart and eyes open to all the wonderful things in your life.

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kathleenkin | @kathleenkin | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @leannn "@kathleenkin Love your strength and wisdom. God bless!" + (show)
@leannn

@kathleenkin Love your strength and wisdom. God bless!

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May God bless you as well, my friend

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leannn | @leannn | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @kathleenkin "I know for a fact that my cancer will spread. It has already invaded my remaining..." + (show)
@kathleenkin

I know for a fact that my cancer will spread. It has already invaded my remaining lung. I don’t worry about it. I can’t change it. I know it’s going to happen. I just don’t know when it’s going to happen but that’s not going to prevent me from enjoying each and every day. Life is a precious gift. I’m not going to spend one minute of one day worrying about when it’s going to happen. Right now it’s a beautiful day outside. It’s foggy which makes all the Christmas lights beautiful. It will probably snow later on and I’m excited about that. Later on I’m gonna go make some cookies for my neighbors and take a walk with my dog. I have a very blessed life. God will take me home when the time is right. He has a timeline for everyone we can’t change that. The best thing we can do is to live each moment of our life and try to bless other people as well. God bless you and enjoy today.

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@kathleenkin Love your strength and wisdom. God bless!

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leannn | @leannn | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @kathleenkin "Please do write it down. At least you will have it. Stressing over tests and appointments..." + (show)
@kathleenkin

Please do write it down. At least you will have it. Stressing over tests and appointments is natural. Make it a day of celebration. After your appointment do something fun. Go to lunch. Buy something you have always wanted or do a random act of kindness. Go full force joy mode! Do not give one minute to cancer, it isn’t worthy of your time. Be blessed.

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I like your thinking @kathleenkin - We have thought this way, but admit to dropping the ball lately. Time to pick up the celebrations. I really love your last line, I'm jotting that one down. "Do not give one minute to cancer, it isn't worthy of your time. Blessings to you as well and thank you for taking your time to help.

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leannn | @leannn | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @IndianaScott "Since we're sharing pups...here is my Napa (on right) and our daughter's Stella on left from..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

Since we're sharing pups...here is my Napa (on right) and our daughter's Stella on left from last evening. Both Lab rescues. Definitely bffs (best furry friends) for sure!

On the topic of life/marriage/getting on after the loss of our loved one, I can only relate my personal experience on this.

Before my wife was diagnosed we never discussed the topic of my marrying anyone else. We were married to each other, I coveted no other, and I had no desire to move on then. Similarly when she was ill I viewed our marriage the same way -- I treasured every day we had together and I had no interest or desire to end it prematurely by discussing what I should do about another marriage after my wife died. Nope. I was married and that was all I wanted to concentrate on -- the time we had left. I knew it would end too soon as it was and I viewed any conversation on another marriage as encroaching on the precious time we had left to focus on each other.

Just my view as a guy.

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@IndianaScott Aw, I love labs - so cute! You know, I can completely respect that perspective! I could see my husband coming from that point of reference labeling it as a conversation that's unnecessary. In many ways, I get it. Why take away from the time we have! I think it just crushed my spirits to think all the good intentions of "good memories" were going to be tucked away. But let's face it. What's tucked away in our hearts, never leaves whether spoken or not, love remains. Thank you for listening, sharing - giving me a place to talk through the "tough".

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Chuckkeels@LivingHope | @hannahkeels | Dec 14, 2019
In reply to @hopeful33250 "@hannahkeels What a remarkable story about how you and your fiance met. What a great picture..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

@hannahkeels

What a remarkable story about how you and your fiance met. What a great picture of the two of you!

I'm interested in knowing what led you to be a cancer coach. What type of background do you have to do this kind of work? Do you meet with support groups or talk with people one-on-one?

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We do it all. Meet with patients, work with them on the phone or face time, public speak at cancer clinics, churches and businesses. My qualification came form my life experience. Stage 4 survivor.

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