Survivor guilt (?)

Posted by northoftheborder @northoftheborder, Jul 14 8:42pm

I was in a critical medical condition in 2021: besides a de-novo stage 4 prostate-cancer diagnosis (and the expectation that I'd live only a small number more years, some of them very sick), I had a cascade of other serious medical issues.

Since then, a younger, healthy member of the extended family (by marriage) passed away in a sudden freak accident; my childhood friend died when his lymphoma from 20 years ago came back; and I just heard that the mechanic who helped take care of my plane when I was in hospital back in 2021 died of an unspecified type of cancer last month (he was a little younger than I am, still in his 50s).

"Survivor guilt" is a technical term. I wouldn't say that I feel guilty per se, but it seems strange and even unfair that I was the one everyone was worried about back in 2021, but I'm still here for some reason (and actually doing fine), and they're not.

I'm sure some of the rest of you have experienced this as well. I did everything I could to help myself, of course, but so did my friend with leukemia (probably even more so); in the end, it's just dumb luck.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Prostate Cancer Support Group.

Profile picture for northoftheborder @northoftheborder

Maybe they just prayed for it? 🙂

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LOL!

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I live my life “one day at a time” as there are no guarantees in life. We have all these algorithms of how long our life expectancy should be. I don’t feel any of us have much control over “when and how” and I feel it’s more important to live each daily like it’s our last, and ask for forgiveness, and if we are right with ourselves and our God (whoever you chose) and the worry or guilt will leave you and better understand, there are no guarantees.
Thank you

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Profile picture for northoftheborder @northoftheborder

True, although I would refuse to believe in a god who doles out special favours like surviving cancer only to those who beg and plead through prayer and denies those favours to others, or who has a cruel, complicated divine plan that involves killing millions of innocent people in wars, for example.

As pantheist, I prefer to believe in a caring deity who doesn't interfere in the physical world — it's up to humans to make the best of it or mess it up, as the case may be — but who is there to provide comfort and solace if we reach out and ask for it.

That, unfortunately, takes me back to "dumb luck" for my good response to cancer treatment so far. 🙂 YMMV

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Yes, I am not in favor of a “transactional” God either.
Still, “dumb luck” seems a very impersonal condition to find oneself in when cancer is a very personal thing. So, as you will stick with “dumb luck” as it relates to your cancer, I will continue to view it as a personal “mystery”…

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Profile picture for northoftheborder @northoftheborder

True, although I would refuse to believe in a god who doles out special favours like surviving cancer only to those who beg and plead through prayer and denies those favours to others, or who has a cruel, complicated divine plan that involves killing millions of innocent people in wars, for example.

As pantheist, I prefer to believe in a caring deity who doesn't interfere in the physical world — it's up to humans to make the best of it or mess it up, as the case may be — but who is there to provide comfort and solace if we reach out and ask for it.

That, unfortunately, takes me back to "dumb luck" for my good response to cancer treatment so far. 🙂 YMMV

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@northoftheborder
Wow! Love your perception!

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Profile picture for northoftheborder @northoftheborder

True, although I would refuse to believe in a god who doles out special favours like surviving cancer only to those who beg and plead through prayer and denies those favours to others, or who has a cruel, complicated divine plan that involves killing millions of innocent people in wars, for example.

As pantheist, I prefer to believe in a caring deity who doesn't interfere in the physical world — it's up to humans to make the best of it or mess it up, as the case may be — but who is there to provide comfort and solace if we reach out and ask for it.

That, unfortunately, takes me back to "dumb luck" for my good response to cancer treatment so far. 🙂 YMMV

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@northoftheborder
similar to the Advaitha principle

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