Support group for partners of those with depression

@hopek

Hopefully others are aware of groups that could support you. I was in situation with my sister that needed help but refused. It is hard to force people to get help when refuse treatment. But YOU can talk to someone about your situation. I had a therapist who I could talk to about situations, understand what I can and can not do and how to set boundaries without feeling guilt.

Are you willing share the relationship of person your trying to help and why you think they need help?

I went to a meeting once sponsored by the group in the link below in my state. Not sure if they are found in every state. They might be able to refer you to someone. Good luck. I’ve experienced something similar. It’s draining and stressful.
https://www.nami.org/

@hopek I am glad you want to seek some support for yourself. That's very important!

Can you check with the office where your partner receives treatment, to see if a support group is offered, or if they can refer you? Like @celia16 mentioned, NAMI is also a good resource.

Please let me know what you decide. We're here for you.
Ginger

My husband is severely depressed and won’t get help, typical 70+ male. I’ve been trying to support him for 6 months at least to help him through this. It is not working and now is taking me down. This is so hard to watch this strong man change before my eyes. I feel so helpless. I know I need to talk to someone but we are also in the middle of a move to a different area. Just looking for tips in the meantime

The support group meeting that I attended once had attendees giving their experiences and advice. It was mainly about setting boundaries and not enabling loved ones who were ill and refusing treatment to cause you pain and misery. Is there a way you can maintain your support system after you move?

NAMI, the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, is a great resource, I know in my area they host both in person and via zoom support groups for individuals supporting those with mental health issues. I would use that website to search your state for the available groups and find one that suits your needs and people with whom you gel, you might have to try a couple to find the right fit. I believe the site also has a list of resources outside of NAMI. There is also the DBA (depression and bipolar association) that has more specific groups focusing on these two diagnoses. Best wishes, it is a super complex situation especially when one refuses treatment. It might be helpful to learn your state's polices and procedures regarding involuntary commitments if your loved one is ever a danger to themselves or others (expressing thoughts of suicide and/or homicide) and need to be hospitalized for their own safety and the safety of others. Most states have a Board of Mental Health that is responsible for reviewing commitment requests and either accepting them or denying them. I hope this is helpful and wish I could be of more help, but each state's laws are different with different thresholds to define dangerousness to self or others. Best of luck, don't forget to take care of yourself first so that you can best take care of your loved one (like on a plane, you put your own oxygen on first before helping others).

@tstrepy Boundaries are very essential to YOUR sanity and stability. It is important, as stated in my previous reply, taking time to be kind to yourself--mani/pedi's, massages, coffee with friends away from the house/your husband. It is heartbreaking to watch someone we love change so dramatically and, at times, very quickly. Remember, he will not change until he is ready and willing to do so for himself. If he does it for you, the changes are likely to be temporary--the next disagreement may send him back to the way he is now, prior to change, so it is imperative that he do this for himself. It will take time for him to come to understand that this rut is not one he needs to remain in and see that there are much more meaningful things outside of himself worth the work of therapy, possibly medication, etc. Please remember that you are not responsible for his emotional/mental health. Support him where you can with gentle and loving kindness, learning when to step away from telling him what you think/hope/desire that he should do. And, finally, try not to beat yourself up about this, he is in control of himself. If you find yourself beating yourself up emotionally or thinking poorly of yourself, ask yourself if you would use these same words if a friend were going through what you are. If the answer is no, talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend and give yourself some mercy and grace. I hope things get better in the new year and that you find a support network/group (other than this one) that will be helpful for your healing. Praying for hope and healing for you both.

@tstrepy ,
Welcome to Mayo Connect, you're in the tough position of being a caring and supportive wife while protecting your mental health. Do you think the stress of moving to a another location is adding to the depression?

Even if you or your husband established care with someone to help with depression at current location, you would have to start over again at new location.

You might start by establishing care with new primary care providers at new location. Set up appointments now so that once you move you have someone to talk to. Even if you husband does not like going to providers, it is something both of you will need to do.

When do you plan on relocating? Do you know people in new area?

As i look back i can see that we/he has been hit with 3 major blows. He had a major fall that presented a long road to recovery. Then came a stroke. We decided to sell our business/residence because we were unable to keep up. So we sold the business and retired. The cumulative effects of these 3 events sent him into a depressive state. I guess i was in denial at first but now know that it needs addressing. I haven't been able to get him to see anyone to help him.
I feel like I'm losing patience, not being as supportive as i should.
It was important for him to find a new residence and get settled so we will move in 2 weeks. I don't know the community well and have to find new health care providers and make new acquaintances. It will be hard. Just hoping for the best.