Support for caregivers: I feel helpless not being able to fix things

You are definitely not alone. My husband had a distal pancreatomy in July 2024. They removed the Body and Tail of the Pancreas along with his Spleen. Many serious complications that set him back by several months. He lost over 50 lbs and was not eating much at all. Some days he would want something and I ran out to the store and brought it back only for him to tell me he did not want it. Other times, he would eat something and tell me it was really good so I would go ahead and make more and he would tell me he could not eat. Oncologist suggested CBD oil to help his appetite. I talked to a friend who had gone thru something like this with his Aunt and he suggested RSO Capsules. ( Rick Simpson Oil ) I did some research and was able to get them. They have been a Game Changer. He has gained 30 lbs back but if he does not take them,
he has no appetite at all.
I am at University of Penn today with him. They are doing a Lung Biopsy because he has nodules on his lungs and one has continued to grow. He also has a lot of pain in his right side, abdomen and stomach so after we get the results from the lung biopsy, they will do another PET scan to check his Liver,
It truly is a Journey that we are all on. My Husband and I will be married 50 Years in July and have 3 Wonderful sons and their Families who are always there when we need them. Going thru all of this together has made us even closer and love each other even more than we ever thought possible. We are trying to enjoy every day that we are together.

Hello,
I am in the same situation as you. Except we have have cats 😼. My husband also has pancan and lost so much weight. He had 14 rounds of chemo and radiation. All of these are so hard on the body. Does your husband take pancreatic enzymes? This was a game changer for us. My husband has a good appetite now and enjoys his food. This is all I can ask. He eats everything he loves. I try to bake or cook his favorites. When he was on chemo he liked eggs, soups, casseroles, ice cream especially. He isnt fond of protein drinks but if I made him a milkshake I could sneak some in without too much flavor change. I hope this helps a bit. I know how hard this whole thing is, but I treasure each day he feels well and enjoys the things he loves. Hugs and prayers for you both ❤️

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. You could not imagine how reading your and others comments helps me get through the beginning of these journey.
Wish you the best for you and your husband as well .

My dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer June 2024...it has been a very difficult journey for him...at 83 he chose not to do any treatments of chemo or radiation...he included all of us in his decision...we all told him we support him...my mom is his primary care giver...my dad has always been an active man. Owns an auto repair shop my brothers work with him...thankfully the business is right next to our house my brothers check on them frequently during the day...both sisters live close by...me on the other hand live 3 hours away..so when I get home its so hard to see the changes in him...godbless him he is a fighter. They have awesome Drs, one of which makes HouseCalls. He is on Pallative Care has had 2 stents...bile duct and most recently duodenal stent. Mom doesn't like to leave him for any length of time, he has fallen a few times. My parents have been married for 65 years..5 kids all married...10 grandkids all married 10 great grandkids and counting...so our family is very blessed..

Same here... where some jobs were "mine", and some were "his". Not that I was not capable of doing them... just a division of labor. And now nearly all jobs are mine. My husband feels bad about me doing it all, but when he says that, I remind him that he did these jobs for 45 years for us, and it is my time. And I too hope he can get stronger for both of us.

You will start to get stronger because you have no choice. My husband of 38 years did everything for me. After a year of this journey I am doing most everything...some things I didn't think I could. I have found that doing things keeps me busy which helps...he is still my rock and i love him more than life itself. Our roles have changed but my hope is that it will swing back and he will get stronger. May God keep us all well.

Iam new to this site... I just want to admit... I feel helpless.... we are 5 months in.... its very hard to see my once very strong, independent husband so fail and helpless... I try to be the strong one, but I dont exactly know how... he has ALWAYS been the strong one in our marriage of nearly 40 years.... I am scared to leave him out of my sight for one second... Iam screaming and crying inside, but try to not let him see me cry..... Can anyone give me some advice?

We are in much the same boat. Not feeling like much is being done...so frustrating. Sending prayers to you and your loved one.

Oh yes, its very hard... I am trying... Our daughter moved back with us, which is a big help... but we are scared and worried.... we are considering a 2nd opinion.... although our Doctors are nice... I feel they could be doing more..., I feel they are giving up on is because it metastasized... but I am being my husbands advocate... the best I can... this is all sooo scary to us.